Comprehensive key milestones of the major events that have shaped a gay journey. From discovery to coming-out and the various issues faced. Hopefully this documentation chart would serve as a useful experiential guide to others who are going through the same journey.
● 2000s
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Discovering I was gay, and my struggles through school in denial.
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● Years of denial, repression and avoidance from sexuality.
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● 2011
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● Kissing Another Guy for the First Time
While travelling, I defied my fears and kissed a guy for the first time.
While travelling, I defied my fears and kissed a guy for the first time.
● Crossing Paths With a Dream Boy
I met a dashingly hot guy at a metro station and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
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● The Day I Surrendered and Came Out to Myself
2 weeks later, I finally met up with a guy from an online travel network named R in his city. (Who is R?)
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● My First Daunting Time to a Gay Bar Alone
The next day, I forced myself to confront my deep fear of walking into a gay bar alone.
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● Settled into another city on another continent.
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● Gay depression. "What now?"
Felt extremely depressed and low for having finally admitted to being gay.
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● Discovered the Gay Banker from London
Googled for gay key words in fear, found his blog and started reading all about being gay.
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● Watched Films to Get Comfortable With Being Gay
Getting myself to feel okay with being gay and to eliminate all forms of uneasiness.
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● Hot guys from everyday surroundings drove me crazy.
A difficult period overwhelmed by desires, emotions and sexual frustration. Recollection posts tagged under: Hot Guys
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● Pulled a Hit-and-Run
Wrote my number on a paper and attempted to pass it to a hot guy in a shop.
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● Came-out to 2 friends on the phone.
Finally being able to utter the words: "I'm gay" and admitting the truth.
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● 2012
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● Going to a Queer Social Gathering for the First Time
● Battling My Internalised Homophobia
Socialising and surrounding myself with gay people at large to extinguish internal fear.
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● Failed Attemps At Online Cruising
The trial and error of figuring out how to cruise online.
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● My First Daunting Time to a Gay Sauna Alone
● My Second Daunting Time to a Gay Sauna Alone
Tired of getting no where, I forced myself out of my comfort zone to explore new territory.
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● Felt defeated. Low self-esteem, diffidence, insecurity, worthlessness...
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● Established [ gayandinvisible.blogspot.com ]
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● Blond or Brun
Homosexual feelings on a train ride, and my very first entry on Gay & Invisible.
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● Why Me?
Out of so many guys in the world, why am I gay?
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● How is My Family Going to React?
Torn and pressured with the thought of losing my family if I came-out.
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● Accepting My Glass Closet
Admitting my homosexuality to my flatmate and accepting that I'm not very inconspicuous.
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● The Mystery Guy From Bordeaux
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● Returned home from abroad.
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● Solving My Crushes
Tired of falling for guys and constantly feeling invisible.
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● Came-Out to My Family
Came-out to homophobic family without knowing how they were really going to take it.
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● Feeling Extremely Low and Defeated
Severe depression. No will and motivation to live. (Post-come-out, examination pressure, insecurity, uncertainty, negativity, self-abhorrence etc.)
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● Consuming Sexual Frustration!
Found myself crying after jerking off.
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● A Battle With Self-Acceptance
Trying to realistically accept myself.
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● Experiencing Gay Irrationality
Sexual frustration in a traveller's hostel.
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● What If I Told You I Don't Wanna Be Gay?
● How Do I Convince My Tormented Self To Let Things Go?
Having a hard time trying to come to terms with everything.
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● The Shrink, Antidepressants and a Lowered Sex Drive
Acquiesced to friends' and family's insistence on some form of help.
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● Constructed this chronological visual timeline.
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● Started Reading Gay Fiction and Novels via E-Books
Just like watching gay films, I started reading gay fiction to feel more comfortable with my sexuality.
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● A Thought About Belonging to Someone
Saw a cute guy with a wedding ring and fantasised about civil-partnership.
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● Falling for People Again
Developed a crush on a hot British guy I conversed with at a bar who happens to be straight.
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● Exterminating My Sense of Naiveness
A naive conversation with my mother about love and human relationships.
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● Finding My Appetite for Life Again
A conversation with a friend about re-prioritising the downs in my life.
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● 2013
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● How to Use Mobile Apps to Break Into Gay Life?
● Cruising and Fishing Again Without Expectations
Second attempt at reaching out to other gay guys.
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● Sexually Hungry at the Mall
Saw a hot guy and had a conspicuous boner in a mall.
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● Started a new temp job.
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● Are We Still Living In The Shame Of Our Past?
The realisation to stop living in the shame and fear of my sexuality.
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● Reflections On a Motorcycle Journey
Adrift in thoughts about my awkward chemistry with guys and how I ended up being different.
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● Chasing Guys for the Past Sundays
Openly meeting other gay guys for the first time.
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● Second Outing With First Gay Acquaintance
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● The Irishman and Me
Chatting with an older guy and trying things out.
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● A Year Ago Today
My 365th day on Earth after coming-out and still alive!
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● The Desperate Chase During My Weekends
Sent out messages everywhere and cruised obsessively.
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● When Something Falls On Your Lap
Scored a meeting with a guy named E.
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● My First One-On-One
Had my first one-to-one sexual encounter.
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● Unexpected Fun With a Department Head
Unexpectedly fooled around with a top-ranking guy for the first time.
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● He Says It's Too Complicated
Complications arose as I tried to pursue the office fun further.
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● Dangerous Fun in the Office Toilet
Second sexual encounter with the top-ranking division leader.
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● Coming Out to More and More People
Coming-out for the first time to a guy friend. He wasn't surprised and took it very well.
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● Second Round Of Fun At E's
My second and last visit to E and his house for some fun and bed practice.
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● Met Up With a Russian Guy
Met up to play local tour guide to a Russian guy. But ended up getting naked with each other in his hotel room.
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● The Gay Banker from London discovered me through Google.
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● Where I Left Things With Some Guys
Updates on what happened to the some of the recent guys I was seeing.
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● Coming Out to a Special Girl
Telling people I'm gay is starting to feel normal and no longer a big deal to me. I'm making great progress in this aspect.
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● Sexual Frustration and a Change of Profile Picture
Attempting a different picture of myself on the Gay Dating Apps.
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● Half-Hearted Sex in the Car
First car sex with a guy who didn't looked like his profile picture.
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● Coffee With a Cute Guy and More Growth
Met up with a guy I chatted with on the gay dating apps and learnt more about certain aspects of gay life. Here, some negative emotions of mine also surfaced at the end of the evening.
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● Spotting Hot Guys in My Historical Hometown
Sexual frustration and hot guy fever in my tourist-filled historical hometown.
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● Sex Date With a Hot Pure Top
Approached by a hot top via Jack'd and arranged a sex date. This post documents the process and physical pain that comes with my attempt to bottom for a big guy.
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● Falling Out Relations With a Dutch Guy
Chatted and met up with a Dutch expatriate living in my city. But experienced a falling out due to incompatibility and ego.
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● 2014
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● Sexuality Issues at the Office and How I'm Fitting In
Feeling insecure about my sexuality and how I fit into the possibly petty work place.
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● Hot Stud from the Gym Downstairs
Riding upwards in an elevator with a hot stud and exchanging some words.
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● Feeling a Little Bummed-Out
Feelings of being a failure due to stagnant and rough phases in personal finances, career and love.
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● Some Thoughts on Valentine's Day 2014
As someone who has never celebrated a single Valentine's Day, I wonder if I ever will in the near future.
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● Two Days and Two Years Ago
My second year mark writing Gay & Invisible.
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● Learning How to Rise Above Dull-Witted Homophobes at Work
Listening to people make childish homophobic comments in the office and thinking about my own future working in this organisation.
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● My First Time at an Anonymous HIV Screening
First visit to getting myself checked out since the unsafe moment I had with the hot top.
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● My 2nd year mark since coming-out to family.
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● 10 Hours With a Backpacker From Germany
Met a German guy through Grindr in my hometown and spent almost a day discovering each other.
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● My Last Moments With the German Backpacker
Spending the final days of his travels with the German backpacker. Learning how to deal with my growing fondness, jealousy and infatuated feelings for him, and then letting it all go.
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● The Return of the German Backpacker
The German backpacker comes back into town after a month.
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● The German Backpacker Stays in My Home for a Week
Hosting the German backpacker at my home to properly see where things lead. Finally, after spending a week together doing romantic couple things as a non-couple, he tells me his truth.
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● Meeting A Pleasant Belgian Entrepreneur for Coffee
A Belgian guy I've been chatting to for months comes into town on business.
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● Hopped on a plane and landed in a different part of the world.
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● Hot Gay Guys Are Everywhere In This City
Here I'm getting used to being in this bustling metropolis where hot gay guys are everywhere.
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● 10-Minute Express Fun With A Mix Guy
Finally scored my first sex date since landing in this new city.
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● I Got Cruised At Starbucks Today
While at Starbucks, a cute guy walks in and started playing eye-contact with me.
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● Romantic Beachside Date With An Australian IT Guy
Here I spent an incredibly romantic afternoon with a good-looking guy I chatted with on Jack'd and kissed him at the end of the date.
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● Having A Good Time At The Australian IT Guy's Apartment
After kissing the Australian IT guy, our adventure continues in his apartment the next day.
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● Emotions From A Miserably Cold And Rainy Day
Here, after my meeting with a Polish guy from Hornet for a drink, I was suddenly confronted with some frustrating emotions and deep melancholy on a cold and rainy day.
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● Sex Date With An Italian Engineer
I met an Italian engineer from Jack'd for a sex date which included an opportunity to fulfill my erotic fantasy of taking a hot shower with another guy.
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● Sex Date With A Lawyer Who Enjoys Poppers
On a rainy evening, I visited a lawyer at his apartment for a sex date.
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● Saturday Sex Date And Visit To The Gay Club
On a restless Saturday, I went to see the Italian Engineer at his apartment for some fun and later headed out to the city's gay scene.
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● When A Cute Guy Chats Me Up In The Toilet
While in a public toilet, a cute guy randomly starts chatting me up.
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● When A Cute Guy At Starbucks Denies His Profile On Hornet
A cute French guy rejects my embarrassing attempt to approach him.
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● The Second Harsh Rejection At The Coffee House
The next day, a cute Italian guy at the same coffee house rebuffs my attempt in trying to reach out to him.
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● The Time I Felt Overwhelmed By Hot Guys Again
At my neighbourhood supermarket where hot gay guys frequently go grocery shopping, I was overwhelmed by sexual frustration and my very own perception of my self worth.
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● The Time I Met 4 Guys From Wednesday To Saturday
One of the most exciting week of my dating life that has ever happened in the history of my journey, I met four very different characters over four consecutive days for drinks.
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● Sex Date With A Broadcasting Executive
On one of those days where I was on the verge of giving up after cruising exhaustively, I took an unexpected chance and ended up meeting an attractive and successful broadcasting executive for coffee and fun.
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● The Second Time I Met The Broadcasting Executive
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● The Time I Met A Spirit Of Australia Flight Attendant
This is probably the oldest man I ever had fun with so far. But the real reward here was how it broadened my outlook in life and also made me think about my own future as a gay man.
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● The Time A Bisexual Chef Opens Up About His Struggles
One of the most interesting sex dates I have ever had, I ended up having an amazing therapy session with this guy about his struggles with bisexuality and how the pain of swinging both ways can often be overlooked.
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● The Time I Met A Bulgarian Guy
Initially when I met up with this candidate, I wanted nothing sexual to do with him because I didn't feel particularly attracted to him. However the ending was otherwise.
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● The Time I Realised the Dangers of My Perfection Mentality
Here, I jot down a few thoughts I have on my own syndrome for perfection.
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● The Time I Met A German Man On A Rebound
Here, I met a wonderful German guy and started seeing him a lot over a few occasions. However in the end, we went our separate ways.
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● The Time I Got My Closure With The Aussie IT Manager
After struggling hard with the magnificent chemistry, feelings of confusion and sexual compatibility I harbour for this Australian IT candidate, I had a very powerful moment that gave me one of the most liberating lessons I will carry with me on my journey.
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● The Time I Had Two Sex Dates In One Day
For the first time in the history of my journey, I had two separate sex dates in a single day.
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