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Wednesday, 22 October 2014

The Second Time I Met The Broadcasting Executive

     "Can I see you again?", asked the Broadcasting Executive while we were still naked and kissing in bed from the first time I met him
     "Sure," I responded in a manner that seem to suggest I didn't care.
     "I'll make sure of it", he says and he fused our lips together again. 

We haven't even finished our first round of fun and he was already saying things like that to me. I remember that particular scene and dialogue vividly in my head because as soon as he said it, my inner voice went: "Come. On! Like I haven't heard a line like that before, and have it led me on to false hope."

My acquaintanceship with the Australian IT Manager back in August instantly came to mind. The frustration I had with trying to figure out what kind of game he was playing certainly catapulted me greatly out of my naiveté. So this time, I am without a doubt wiser and better equipped with the kind of information needed on my journey towards finding mutual love.

Anyway back to the story, the Broadcasting Executive surprisingly kept in touch via warm messages after that Sunday. But gradually somewhere in the middle, everyday life takes over and the frequency of our exchange fades. Might I point out too that it is not romance or love, but more of a human to human connection that came as a result of a magical sex date.

Then, two weekends later as prophesised from the dialogue, I found myself being picked up once again from the same corner in his black Mercedes-Benz. However this time, we were headed straight for his apartment and there was no discussion of if we were going to have coffee, or perhaps even some kind of a date where we can have an encore of the enjoyable conversation I experienced with him when we met for the first time.

Back at his apartment, we had sex again and the entire process of fun from the last post just kind of repeated itself. But this time, I could feel that the spark and passion has definitely dimmed. Things were not as exciting as the first round but still good.

While picking up our clothes from the floor and dressing up, I had the privilege of coming face to face again with the miniature soft toy Manatee on his side table. I picked it up out of remembering it from the last time I was here. In the midst of his pottering about, he walked into the room and saw me holding it. He smiled at my curiosity and I said: "I absolutely love this Manatee. It's just so original to see something like this on the side table of a successfully grown man!"

Afterwards we headed out to the living room where he served me a glass of water and I loitered around for a good ten minutes while he goes through his mail on the kitchen counter. We talked a little, but it seems as if I was just not going to get a replay of the good conversational rapport we once had two weeks ago, and I felt a little sad.

Then, while observing him in silence and the vast apartment we were in, I had this surreal moment in my head where it struck me dumbfoundingly, as juvenile as this is going to sound, how this single successful guy in front of me, who is also just one man, can own the entire space I was standing in, and everything else in it.

"God. This human being is just one man. But the man has literally built a fort for himself! He owns all these stuff, like that glass coffee table, that huge modernism-inspired bed and that sleek Mercedes-Benz that I was riding in. And I own... nothing! I don't even have a proper career path."

The thought scared me, worried me and sent chills down my spine because I realised that in a way, I am for lack of a better word, in deep shit. I am no where close to even being able to take care of myself should anything happen, and wondered too on the other hand how I am ever going to give myself the success I've always dreamt of if I can't even "see" where I'm going.

As I pulled myself away from those thoughts, I heard him mention that he has a dinner party to attend that evening. So the plan was for him to send me back home so that he can get ready. I was a little disappointed with the lack of proper quality time even as friends, but I accepted it without any further expectation.

In the car, I started to engage him in a conversation while he drove. I was trying to open a short discussion regarding my friend's recent question to me about why wouldn't I do myself a favour and just come-out to everybody, rather than keep the public guessing in the dark about my sexuality. Now that is a whole other topic of which I am not willing to get into right now, but the Broadcasting Executive too didn't seem very engaging in the chat I was having with him. In fact, it felt as if he ran out of things to say to me.

By about a quarter past six, I found myself walking on the pavement as he drove off as quickly as I got out. At that point, I was feeling very sad for reasons I cannot understand. To the point where I knew that if I continued to obsess about it, my eyes would get misty. 

I guess subconsciously deep down, even though I could deduce that he will not be the one for me, I was still silently hoping for more moments together that didn't include sex to see how things can go. But I'm sure everything happens for a reason, and I got over it within the next two days.


  1. Unfortunately, this type of thing happens time and time again, especially, in gay relationships. When one party is MORE into the other party or sees more potential then just a hook up. I have been there many of times. In fact, I am in the same situation as you right. But do know, when that special someone comes along who is just as much into you as you are into him, it will make all the trials and errors worth it. At least you are releasing some sexual energy in the process. : ) Keep your chin up buddy. You are a sweet, articulate, and nice guy, those traits will outlast any physical beauty. Remember NEVER EVER sell yourself short. You are worthy of an AMAZING guy, because you ARE AMAZING yourself.

    1. Hey, thank you so much for the beautifully written message. It was so unexpected but it made my day. Thank you! :)

  2. I apologize if I sound cynical, but the gay "dating" venue seems great for a roll in the hay, but not lasting friendship. Not that there is anything "wrong" with a roll in the hay or 100 rolls in the hay, but my experiences with love and lasting friendship have been outside the gay venue. I hope you prove me wrong.

    1. I often wonder about what you just said, even before you said it. Maybe we might have to check in with each other again in around 5 years?

      And by the way, I hope I prove you wrong too. But NOT for egoistical purposes or wanting to be right, but more of wanting to give hope to those who are still struggling with this issue too, you know what I mean? :)

    2. I appreciate your response. As a matter of background, I was fortunate to find the love of my life when I was still in my teens. We were best friends (met outside the gay venue) for over a year before we had sex. We ended up together for a long time, but then he died on me. I was already well into my 50's at that time.

      In the years that followed, I tried meeting people online, but it was basically a waste of time in terms of finding a meaningful or lasting friendship. You are a lot younger than me and presumably more attractive, but your experiences (in terms of finding a real friend or meaningful relationship) have not been that much different than mine.

      I don't think there is any one magic bullet to find a relationship. I certainly will continue to follow your blog and I definitely wish you good fortune in that quest.


  3. I completely agree with Anonymous! Keep trying and learning from our mistakes. The right one is out there.