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Friday, 22 April 2016

When A Sauna Cruise Chooses Another Over You

One of the guilty pleasures I look forward to after my work out at the gym is some man-on-man fun in the gent's locker room. I have often associate the art of cruising for sex to the act of fishing. A fisherman who goes to the watering hole with his fishing rod isn't guaranteed a fish every single time. Sometimes he goes home successfully with the catch of his choice and sometimes he goes home empty handed when the tide is not in his favour.

Recently, my statistical success rate of scoring a guy for some sauna fun is probably less than fifteen percent. These days I often end up jerking myself off alone in the cubicle nine out of ten cruising attempts. I don't know if it's my luck, or just unfavourable market times.

But what about those days when you literally are on your way to a successful catch, only to have that fish choose another candidate over you? Well, two of such incidents happened to me over the past month.

INCIDENT 1

About two weeks ago, this Asian gym member who I've previously had some fun with came to park himself next to me in the dry sauna. It didn't take long before our toes were rubbing and caressing each other firmly to signal availability and interest. The plan was to wait for the other guys to leave and for us to be completely alone in the privacy of the sauna before we could take things further.

But as soon as the last person left and I was on the verge of fondling him with my hands, another guy comes in to use the sauna. This guy was a very hot guy. He was jacked and good-looking with a chiseled face and body. In fact, I've chatted with him before and am well aware that he is straight. I've even attempted to cruise him in the sauna, but never succeeded.

Almost immediately, I could see the switch in Asian guy's behaviour and his body language. Not only did he halted all signals, but withdrew his interest in me after seeing jacked guy come in. I rolled my eyes in disbelief and annoyance. "Oh for Christ sake, yes yes that's C and he's a very hot guy. And I'll even do you one extra bit by admitting that I am nothing with him around. But could you be any more subtle with the way you pulled out of the water?"

I know for a fact that hot guy is straight and unattainable, but seeing as how Asian guy is shamelessly drooling all over him, my guess is that he has never met or mingled with him before. So I decided to leave foolish to be foolish and left for a quick rinse.

After five minutes, I couldn't wait to come back into the sauna just to see how Asian guy is progressing. True enough, my hunch is verified when the two of them were shooting the breeze, but mostly with Asian guy asking the question and hot guy answering with friendly one liners.

"Let's play a game and guess who started the conversation?", the inner mean child thought sarcastically in my head. I rolled my eyes again and shot Asian guy a disdaining stare even though he couldn't see my face.

Shortly after I left to shower for real and change. Within the span of time that I was in the locker room, my ego was churning out legions of thoughts, ranging from 'how dare you', to displays of hurt and bitterness. Yes, that was my ego who feels the need to defend its bruised self. I'm only human. 

But once I allowed these emotions to run its course within the evening, they dissipate as quickly as it came charging, and I was finally able to rationalise with maturity that I hold no control over these things. Over what other people do, what other people choose to do, how they react, how they behave, how they change their minds. It is certainly none of my business and I should definitely not take these things personally to heart.

INCIDENT 2

Another incident happened today. This nice looking brown meat was hanging around the shower corridors since I started my work out 90 minutes ago. "Damn. That guy is still hanging around in the sauna since I came! He must be really horny", I smiled satisfyingly in my head, knowing that I was going to indulge him in a little man-on-man fun.

After changing into my towel, I wasted no time and got to cruising. I shot him eye-contact and displayed my lose towel in the steam room. However, due to the many other chess pieces that were present on scene, brown meat and I always had intervals of seconds alone before somebody else walks in. We could hardly even fondle each other properly.

This whole coming and going does sometimes take its toll on a candidate who does not have the time nor patience to stay till the very end. But I was so confident that this guy who has been here for more than an hour, wasn't going to leave until he gets the happy ending with me. Well I was wrong.

Later on, another guy with a bald spot came in to use the steam room. He was taller, has more weight and probably in his forties. I didn't really care for his presence and just continued to play my game of chase with brown meat between the steam room and the dry sauna.

It was only when all of us were coincidentally squeezed into the dry sauna at one point that my animal instincts were literally barking to me, as loud and clear like it was spoken directly to my consciousness that there was "cruising energy" between bald spot guy and my brown meat. I swear I didn't witness anything and I have no idea how I knew, but I just knew.

"Aw come on. Are we being sensitive? That bald spot guy just came like 5 minutes ago and we were here first. They've never even displayed any cruising signs." Then I sat there thinking about my next move. If my instinctive observation is right, should I release him and leave him be?

I have a rule in my book that says if a candidate is greedy and is engaging some other guy while you're cruising me or already cruised me, he can forget about us having fun as I will let him go. I know this sound very egotistical but I really don't want to be taken as an option.

Then as I observed the three of us in the sauna while those thoughts ran through my mind, it hit me that if brown meat is really interested in bald spot guy, I am now their cockblocker. So I decided to leave voluntarily for a quick rinse in the showers to give them their space.

True enough when I came back out, I saw the two of them entering into the last shower cubicle together and I went back alone inside the sauna. Throughout the next few minutes, my mind just wouldn't leave the two guys alone. I was jealous about what happened and how I became a second choice.

I thought after all that "big internal speech" and self-reassurance talk I would actually be unaffected, but I was. I couldn't decide if it was jealousy, hurt, upset or sadness. Perhaps it was all four? I think it was my ego. It was bruised and bitter that someone chose someone else over us. For a taller man? A weightier man? A manlier man? I don't know.

"M, whoever other people choose or cruise is none of your business. People have the right to change their mind and they don't owe you anything. It's just business and you shouldn't take it personally", I hear my internal rationalisation dialogue go.

After giving myself some time to feel what I needed to feel, I willingly let go for real and listen to the words that was spoken to myself. But looking back in hindsight, I actually came to the realisation that had I not been so sexually hungry, and had I been in a more sated condition, it really wouldn't bother me at all that a sauna cruise chose another person. Like how they say, you are not you when you are hungry, upset or frustrated.

But I can't help but wonder, if I were to ever see the same candidates again from the two incident and I'm sure I will, should I deny them the possibility of fun again or should I drown the ego to get what I want, which is to score? What do you guys think? If you were in my shoes, will you give these guys who previously chose someone over you a chance at fun again? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Monday, 16 November 2015

The Time I Had Fun In A Public Car Park

This post was written last year, but never published. So here it is.

It's been two weeks since my last sex date. Hence I was feeling restless and irritated. I wasn't expecting anything to materialise that afternoon when an unexpected 'Hi' came from this Dutch-Aussie profile on Grindr.

I couldn't remember what his display picture was, but I knew it was one of those attractive but risky pictures. Risky at the fact that they were quite blur and didn't fully outline exactly what I was walking into. We exchanged some short messages before I finally asked him what he was up to.

    "You really wanna know? I'm actually on my way to getting a blowjob from someone now. Just being honest here, lol", read his Grindr text bubble.
    "Damn! Someone beat me to it. You know what? When you're done with him, let's meet for round two", I replied.
    "Join us then! We're meeting at the car park next to McDonalds. We can all get together and suck each other off. Come on, the more the better."
     "Sure. That sounds fun! What's your number?"
     "No number dude. Just meet on the multi-level car park next to McDonalds now. Go up the ramp and find a white car."

It took me a while to decide properly if I was really going to go ahead with this, and I did. One of the biggest rules I live by is that I usually never agree on a sex date without first getting some form of legitimate phone number where I can call or at least a clear picture. But unfortunately this time, I was desperate for some action, any action at all. So I left the coffee house immediately and walked for about 10 minutes to the multi-level car park a few blocks away as agreed.

As I arrived, I walked up the ramp and started paying very close attention to anybody who was loitering around a white car as told. I've never done this before so you can imagine how leery I was regarding my surroundings. Then I came to the end of a wall, there was indeed a white car and a guy standing behind it but I wasn't exactly sure if he was the third party. He noticed the way I was pacing around the car park and immediately recognised that I was here for some fun.

     "Hey", he nodded his head in acknowledgement.
     "Hi", I walked up to him and introduce myself with a handshake.
     "So where is the other guy?" I asked.
     "He should be here any minute."
     "How long have you been waiting?"
     "I've been standing here rubbing my dick for a good twenty minutes."

This guy must be really horny, I thought. He wasn't the hot guy type, but he definitely has a cute face. 

     "So did he say where he was? I asked for a number but he wouldn't give me one", I told him.
     "Yeah me too. Do you still have him on your Grindr? Text him there and see what he says."

The Dutch-Aussie candidate was already offline but I left him multiple text bubbles. Then the third guy who was with me suggested that we wait inside the car instead of just standing around suspiciously. 

Within minutes after we got into the car, we could no longer hold our itchy hands to ourselves and started to touch each other. I would bent over and blow him and he would bend over and reciprocate enthusiastically at intervals. To be honest, I never expected an impromptu hook-up in a public car park to be so exciting and enjoyable. The guy has great oral and touching skills.

Sometimes we even had to momentarily suspend all activities when crowds of people would walk past our car on their way to theirs, and resume only when the coast is clear. At the rate we were going, we would have finished before the party was complete. So halfway through, we decided to stop and wait for the second guy to arrive.

After waiting for another 20 minutes with no reply, it dawned on us that the missing person who arranged this sex date in the first place wasn't going to show up. Which wasn't surprising considering all the signs that were pointing to this happening. So in the end we finished ourselves off without him in his white car. 

     "You sure it's okay that we finish off in your car, I don't want to make a mess out of it", I asked.
     "It's okay, it's rented", he said with a smile.
     "What?"
     "Yeah, I was going to drive up to my parents after this so it's a rented car."
     "Oh."

The guy let me jerked myself off to ejaculation in the vehicle, but it was a small load so it was manageable with tissues. When I wanted to finish him off, he told me that as horny and as bad as hell he needs to come, his overwhelming need to pee since we met is preventing me from doing the job, otherwise he will really end up releasing more than he should and make an unwanted mess out of the situation.

Before we parted ways, I think I might have felt a moment in his eyes that he wanted to ask me for my contact, while at the same time, trying to work it out in his head if he should respect the principles of anonymity. But in the end, we went our separate ways. It wasn't only after it was all over that it hit me that the way the entire experience unfolded, I could have, in a moment of vulnerable desperation put myself in harm's way. I would like to remind other guys reading this to take mindful precaution rather than follow in my emotional foot step.

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

The Time Someone Caught Me In The Public Bathroom

This post was written last year, but never published. So here it is.

The weirdest day just happened to me here in this city. The sky was blue, the sun was up, and the weather in a city where four seasons could hit in a day was at its most beautiful. There I was seated on the grass patch by the Yarra River on Boathouse Drive in Alexandra Gardens, trying to drink up the incredible skyline when I started to notice a couple of hot guys that were hanging about. 

First there was the very cute Aussie jock in a white working shirt and smooth grey slacks. If I'm not hallucinating, I might have caught a few glances from him but I can't be sure. By the looks of it, he was on his lunch break with another girl, in which they both took off their shoes in order to have their sandwiches seated on the grass. A guy who loses his shoes for the beauty of grass? Oh my God. That's the guy I want to marry.

Then came an amazingly tanned and athletic Asian guy who after a run, has decided to park himself between me and the cute Aussie jock in order to sunbath. He took off his sweaty shirt and laid himself on the grass to soak up the sun for a good half an hour on both sides. I don't know if it's the sweat, the tanned skin, the peeking underwear, or his arousing sports attire, but it drove me insane.

On the park bench to my right, there was another cute Aussie jock in a turquoise working shirt and black slacks with sunglasses. His body frame and biceps were just outlining every inch of his tight-fitting professional attire. He was enjoying his sandwich too while listening to music via his headphones. 

Soon, the athletic Asian guy leaves. Only to be replaced by another cute guy who used the same spot to sunbath. The entire hot guy disrobing scene repeated itself and I stared longingly in a zoned-out trance. I could feel the inner vampire and werewolf awaken in thirst and hunger for fresh meat or rather, the specific meat I'm seeing. I wish I could jerk off right here but common decency and civility would effectively render me a psycho.

At this point, I start to drown internally out of feeling overwhelmed and a little invisible again. It's been a week since my last date with a Melburnian Artist at his home so I was desperately in need of some man-love. The time was already close to 4pm and I was also not getting any positive response from the gay apps. So I decided to distract my obsession by making my way to a usual café and do some writing.

Once I arrived at the coffee house, I decided that I was going to pay a visit to the public toilet to jerk off. The thing about jerking off in public restrooms is that I'm always suspicious or leery if there might be a hidden camera somewhere. It might seem like I'm exaggerating but with everything that is being shared on social media nowadays, I don't know what to think. And even if cameras are not the issue, I'm paranoid about the embarrassment that comes with being caught by real people.

"Jesus Christ M, isn't that a little paranoid? You're a free man. Why should you deny yourself the pleasure of a good release? And even if you do get caught, why should you be embarrassed about such primitive behaviour as a man?" goes my inner voice.

So in the toilet, there were three cubicles numbered 1 to 3, with 3 being the most ideal because it borders a wall, where else the other two does not. 

When I entered the restroom, Cubicle 3 was occupied so I settled temporarily for Cubicle 1 firstly to pee, and secondly to wait for Cubicle 3 to be vacated so that I can use it to indulge myself in a little jerk-off. While peeing, I heard somebody go into Cubicle 2. 

Within the next minute, the person in Cubicle 3 leaves and I conveniently walked out of Cubicle 1 and straight into Cubicle 3. I remember thinking at that point that something just didn't feel right. I felt so exposed and so vulnerable. Stop over-thinking you freak and just jerk-off. And so I did.

I was in the middle of a sexual fantasy, thinking about all the guys I saw by the riverbank. Threesome, foursome, kissing and how good the foreplay feels with these guys. The intimacy, the passion, the sweat on our skin making love. I was halfway through getting myself to reach my happy ending when all of a sudden, I was shocked to see the guy from Cubicle 2 peeping into mine from above. Ho my God! Mother fucking shit. What the fuck?!

As soon as he saw that I saw him, he retreated and I was just kicking myself on the inside. I felt so embarrassed for having a freak next door catch me. "Jesus! What are the chances of me just thinking about my fear of getting caught moments ago, only to have it happen right here in front? Fuck that was embarrassing. The guy saw me! How are we gonn-"

Then I caught sight of his shadow shaking vigorously from his cubicle. It took me a while to digest what was going on, but as soon as my mind registered that the man next door was jerking-off too, my embarrassment for the fact that he saw me dissipated instantly.

I stood there contemplating on how to leave when he stuck his hand out from the gap below and waved a signal. I ignored it because I was partially pissed at what he did, but then a part of me kept reminding itself of how invisible and unwanted I felt this afternoon by the river. So in a moment of weakness, I waved my hand below and walked out to knock on his cubicle door.  We were the only ones there. He unlocked it and the thirty forty something year old man in it was what the gay world would call a bear, and I definitely wasn't interested in this one who looks like he just sits around drinking beer and watching games.

I suppose I didn't have the heart to reject him on the spot so I went into the cubicle despite not feeling like it. As soon as I walked in, he requested to suck me off and so I allowed him. He blew me for a good minute, but in my head, I would much prefer to go back to Cubicle 3 and jerk-off on my own to the thoughts of the hot guys by the Yarra. I stopped him after a while and he looked up at me confused.

Then, he obviously expected me to return some kind of favour, and as much as I wasn't keen, I gave it a try out of courtesy. His dick was small. I went down on him for about 20 seconds before he stopped me because he wanted to move us to Cubicle 3. I said: "Nah, that's okay. I gotta go."

    "Really?"
    "Yes", I responded firmly and he surprisingly didn't throw me anymore questions.

We waited till nobody else was in the toilet before I got out and he stayed in. I went to the sink to freshen up and rinsed my mouth thoroughly. I lost all urge to want to give myself a good release.

Back outside at the coffee house, I sat there thinking about what just happened. I couldn't believe I let myself walk into that cubicle even though I wasn't keen. What the hell was I thinking? Jesus, it must have been one hell of an invisible and pathetic moment.

On the other hand, I couldn't help but wonder too about the series of unexpected thrilling gay experiences that have been coming my way ever since I left home two and half months ago. Never in a million years would I thought an awkward restroom story like this will happen to me.

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Hot Spartan With A Silver Watch

For the past few weeks, I've been having quite a bit of fun at my gym sauna. Not too much if your head is already picturing an over-indulgent me in steam rooms, but just lucky enough if I am to paint a realistic picture of what happens to your average guy.

Having said that, I would also like to voice out that there were many times too when my cruise is unsuccessful due to rejection, "slow thinking men" or unfavourable market times. I would sit around and cruise for an hour, but yet I end up finishing myself off alone in the shower cubicle.

Cruising is equivalent to the art of fishing. Sometimes a fisherman goes to the watering hole and gets no fish. On some days, he gets a good fish, an attractive fish, one that he fancies and likes. Other days, he might have to sit patiently and wait for a long time before statistics, timing and market winds swing in his favour to give him the catch of the day, even if that particular catch might not necessarily be an ideal but doable one.

I know my posts these days seem to revolve around nothing but cruising at the gym. I understand that my journey and what constitutes my purpose of this journal is much bigger than these things, however I can't help but feel that even just by writing these little experiences down no matter how insignificant, could effectively help younger or inexperienced guys all over the world with their own journey.

When I first started out, there was no blog or resource that could offer me what I wanted written. There was no diary, no recount, no step by step guide to take me on a journey and to guide me on what to do, what are things to look out for, or what happens to one when one finds his way around sex and the gay world. I was as good as a clueless duckling. So here I am, doing it for the many people who are starting out.

Last month during one of my post work out sessions, I was just getting ready to enter the dry steam room when I caught sight of this hot 'sex on a stick' walk past me in the shower hallway. Although details of his face weren't exactly clear, but I knew immediately that I liked what I saw. My reptile instincts were immediately heightened and the siren in my mind blaring: "Hot guy. Hot guy. Hot guy!"

The tanned spartan with the fitness magazine worthy body in his forties was incredibly seasoned meat. He was wearing a silver watch on that arousing left wrist of his. Professionally, I could picture him in a suit, seated in some high profile board of directors meeting. For leisure, he works out and loves having fun. Particularly with easy plentiful young choices like me that just get magnetized toward his sex appeal and powerful love spell.

As usual, out of not wanting to be disappointed by the thought that this hot man is attainable, I gave into the old habit of marking him as straight and out of my league. 

"Don't you think it's ludicrous to think that he is even remotely into fun with guys when I'm sure that he is surrounded by women on a regular basis and that he can take any one of them he wants to bed?"

I carried on about my business, moving around alternatively between the dry and wet steam rooms, but still, I couldn't get the image of his body out of my mind. Then while at the dry sauna, I had the surprised honour of having him park himself next to me due to the lack of space in the cramped room.

It was heaven and torture. His towel was neatly draped over his crotch. His tanned back and biceps were filled with droplets of water, a combination of sauna steam and his manly sweat. God, I was sold to his hormones, pheromones, whatever. The silver watch on his forearm was also turning me on.

I can't explain it, but I want to make love to this man. Yes you heard me, make love. He oozes male attractiveness in every way. "
Oh what the hell! These kind of opportunities are hard to come by. Hot guy next to you?", I head myself say.

I decided to take a chance and stuck my toe out to subtly brush against his. With great surprising consolation in my heart, the man reciprocated and my blood soared to stratospheric heights on the inside. Jack fucking pot! The fact that there were other men in the sauna and I can't give into my desires was the part that drove me crazy.

He opened his towel slightly to reveal his beautiful uncircumcised penis waiting to be stroked. He's teasing us. Fuck! The sight of him naked with just that manly silver watch on his left wrist drove me wild. I repeated the same action by exposing my crotch to communicate his intention. I waited for the perfect timing when no one was around before I made my move. 

As soon as the last guy left, I knew I only had a few seconds or a minute max to communicate what I hoped would happen between us before the next intruder comes in. So I leaned into his right shoulder, caressed his thigh and inhaled his scent before planting a needy seductive kiss on his water droplet filled bicep. Christ, I could worship and devour it for dinner.

He reciprocated, lowered his head to kiss my forehead and our faces met. His masculine breath was intoxicating and we made out. It was ecstasy. As we kissed, I never took my eyes off the glass door for fear of someone entering unexpectedly.

The water droplets at the back of his shoulder blade was too distracting underneath the dimly lit space. So I kissed and ran my tongue and fingers all over them. God he tasted so good. It came to a point where I don't even know if it was meant to turn him on or turn me on because I was having the time of my life.

After fiddling with each other's penis' for a while, another man suddenly enters the room and all shenanigans had to come to a complete halt. I tried getting him to come out with me so that we can both enjoy the proper privacy offered by a shower cubicle but he seemed reluctant. 

So I had to lure him to the wet sauna where the steam could provide us with some extra cover while I bought more time into convincing him to take a shower with me. In there, we continued to touch, feel and kiss each other until in comes another guy who crashed our fun. Although I recognised the newcomer as another cruiser I wasn't interested in, but still I didn't feel comfortable doing things in front of him.

However Mr. Hot Spartan With A Silver Watch didn't seem to mind that another cruiser was in the sauna and continued to touch and kiss me openly in front of the other guy. Sheesh, I know what the other guy is but can we at least do it in privacy? This isn't some free circus show.

I decided to walk out in hopes that he will follow me to a shower cubicle. I can't remember much, but I remember thinking to myself that I hope I didn't regret taking the stupid risk of walking out of my hot guy. We could have lost him already.

It took a while as he was being difficult in his dilly-dallying, but finally I managed to get him to enter my shower cubicle at the end of the corridor. I was a very very happy man. With our towels hung up, I could now enjoy him fully and completely in the comfort and privacy of an enclosed space. The lighting accentuated his six pack abs, military general guns and hoplite chest.

In there, we touched, made out and blew each other good under the running water. Deep throating him never felt so hot. His uncircumcised penis was a beautiful one, and just like mine, I played with his foreskin to my heart's desire. However I had to be extra careful as their helmets are overly-sensitive.

His kisses and caressing techniques were very arousing, especially with that silver watch on his masculine wrist. Every time he hugs me and pushes me close to him, I feel so wanted by my man. Christ, this man must be an excellent lover in bed! I'm so jealous of his wife, his sex partners, his boyfriend, whatever.

In the end, he ejaculated in my mouth and indulged me after in my own release by embracing me hard under the showers as I rode out my own orgasm. As we cleaned ourselves up, we couldn't stop smiling at each other. I contemplated asking for his number in hopes of taking this encounter beyond these walls, but wanted to respect the whole anonymity policy of what happens in the sauna, stays in the sauna so I didn't.

As he was about to leave, I squeezed his bicep and gave a few pats as a sign of thanks. He reciprocated by squeezing me back and before he left, I whispered into his ear: "Thank you. Nice body, nice dick by the way." He grinned and pulled my face towards his lips for a playful kiss. "You too", was his reply and he left.

While showering on my own, I replayed the entire scene in my head and jerked myself to orgasm for the second time. I silently thanked the universe for letting such a hot guy play with me. For I am pretty sure that in the real world outside these walls, he would have been out of my league.

After that first encounter, I never saw or bumped into him for a long time. However I often fantasise about him. So much so that I sometimes have to jerk myself off to that particular shower memory of us together. 

A few days ago I bumped into him, once outside the gym area where our shoulders physically knocked against one another while walking past, the second time in the wet sauna where he was wearing the same silver watch. Remembering how nice it was to have fun with him, he was right at the top of my agenda. The moment we were alone, I immediately parked myself shamelessly next to him and rubbed my leg up against his. Whether or not if he recognizes me as the guy from the first time, I have no idea. But what I knew for sure was that we were fiddling and teasing each other with our toes. God, that was fun but frustrating. 

Sometimes his toes are on top of mine, sometimes mine on top of his. My favourite part is when he lightly presses his feet above mine with firm pressure and seduction. The feeling of being dominated, or having his weight on top of me was sending arousing electricity all the way to my growing erection. I invited him again to go to a shower cubicle but he chuckled and shook his head as he looked into his watch. 

Damn, why is he being difficult again. Does it turn him on more if we played in the sauna with the possibility of being caught? Is that what it is? Or is he afraid that someone would see the two of us entering the same shower cubicle? What's his deal? 

After a while, he left to take a proper shower and I gave up my pursuit. As I wandered back out to the locker room to check my phone, I saw him on the other locker section dressed immaculately in a green shirt and khakis after his shower, packing his bag.

I paced back and forth in my locker section wrapped in my wet towel, contemplating if I am in anyway in a position to ask him for his contact. I really would like for us to be in touch so that we might be able to take this further, even if it's purely sexual or discreet.

After much doubt and before he leaves, I quickly made a decision in my head that I am tired of waiting around and would like to be the active guy with balls. I will not be the person who just sits around waiting for some business deal or someone to notice me when I would have made a psychological impression just by walking up to him. Even if things don't work out, the image of me walking up to him will be seared into his memory.

So in the presence of another nice-looking gay gym member whom I've been trying to cruise but have snubbed me contemptuously for weeks occupying the locker next to my target, I shamelessly walked up to my man and said hi. The entire exchange was kinda weird because I've never actually had a proper conversation with this man, other than what was whispered in the shower cubicle.

    "Hey, haven't seen you around for a while."
    "Yeah, I've got a meeting. I gotta go," he said while packing his things.
    "Can I get your number?" I said quietly with a smirk.

There was a ludicrous smile on his face which seemed to suggest either he is entertained by my courage to walk up to him and pull this off, or laughing at me on the inside, thinking who does this naive guy think he is to ask me for my number?'

    "Nah. I've got a meeting now. Maybe next time," he says.
    "Okay," I smiled and gracefully walked back towards the shower halls, knowing full well that that will not be the last I'll see of him. Of course the other gay gym member who snubs me saw the whole thing along with my walk of shame and rejection.

But you know what, I didn't care, not one bit. Because the fulfillment and happiness in my heart for having taken a risk overwhelms whatever bruised ego one might experience. I was very proud of myself for being a man about the whole thing, a man who is not afraid to take risks and who is not afraid to ask and move on.

UPDATE

That was supposed to be the end of the story, however a few days later while working out near the dumbbell area, the nice-looking gay guy who snubs me was also seen doing his training alone. His existence didn't affect me at all, until suddenlythe hot spartan with the silver watch just appeared out of no where, and was seen chatting with the nice-looking gay guy. In fact, they were working out together like new gym acquaintances. 

Initially I avoided all forms of eye-contact and acknowledgement with my man because after my courageous approach with him the other day in the locker room, I didn't want to come on as somebody desperate. So I decided to leave him alone. 

But later on it sunk in that I'm actually feeling embarrassed and am staying clear of the area because I felt awkward. 

Jesus. Since when do they talk to each other?! Am I missing something? Did something happen when I was not around? Or perhaps something in between that I didn't get a notice? Damn it, I shouldn't have walked up to him and asked him for his number in front of the other guy!

I don't know why, but all of a sudden, I was anxious and could no longer focus on my work out. I was heavily affected and felt very conscious of myself. Perhaps I am shy and embarrassed that the hot spartan I desire is now seen to have formed some sort of new relationship with the guy who snubs me? On one hand, I know it's jealousy, but on the other, I can't really put my finger on why exactly am I feeling hurt over a social situation that just happen to happen?

Tuesday, 15 September 2015

The Time I Refused To Give Up Cruising The Sauna

This was supposed to be a post about how I failed miserably at my hunt today for a nice-looking prey at the gym sauna to blow off some post-work out hormones together in the shower. Fortunately by the grace of the universe, I emerged once again victorious in my conquest and I'm not sure if it's my impractical sense of stubbornness or unwillingness to give up that I myself am surprised at the outcome of how things turned out this evening.

I think it must have been a good forty-five minutes or more that I have been loitering around the shower hallways and sitting around in the saunas, alternating between the dry and the wet. I normally would cut my time short and just settle for a personal jerk-off in the shower when I don't seem to be in luck. Twenty minutes or less I believe is the grace period I've given myself.

However today, for some reason I just didn't feel like giving up. In addition, I had time to kill so I thought maybe I'm just going to put in more effort and patience today. After all, the art of fishing requires a strong heart made out of perseverance and patience.

First I was in the wet sauna where I noticed this rather jacked guy. He was no male model, but his physique suggests that he could be an agreeable candidate to procreate with had he been the last man on Earth. He was seated with his towel tightly wrapped around his waist, aloof and quietly kept to his corner and space. Let's call him A.

I tried a few cruising games and eye-contact, however there were clearly no signs or clues from him that told me he was cruising. So I decided to mark the man a heterosexual and leave him alone. Well M, if he was gay or even bi-curious, wouldn't he be more open or active about the cruising like us? Look at our towels and the way we hunt! The dude's probably a heterosexual Christian, leave him alone.

It wasn't until about twenty minutes into my loitering and moving around that I realised A was also cruising for prospects too. He and I kept crossing paths with each other, it's just that he wasn't interested in me. Whenever I deliberately shoot him some eye-contact, he ignores me. Surprise M! You can fuck your towel theory goodbye. So much for cruising wisdom.

I've tried time and again to get his attention, but he walks away every time I go near him. Even though I try not to take it personally, but I can't help but still feel a small stab in the thigh when someone rejects me. All kinds of questions start coming up. Is it me? Am I not masculine enough? Am I not attractive enough? Is it my chest? Is it my arms? Is it the energy?

No no no. Stop it. Don't go there. It's fine M, he cruises his own meat. You cruise for yours. I think my ego, no matter how much I say I don't want to be ruled by it, was a little bruised. And so I made the decision to up my game where I would constantly hover around his orbit, that way, my presence would either annoy him, weigh him down, turn him off, or make it harder for him to cruise other guys. Oh baby, if you're going to have fun with some other guy, you're going to have to let me catch you.

This went on for a while until a few other hotter guys came along. There was B whom I tried initiating subtle physical contact with my toes but he pulled away. C, a young hot college kid with very attractive chest and abs who sat far away in his own dark corner without unwrapping anything. Christ, what I wouldn't give now to plunge my face into that upper chest!

D, another guy with amazing chest and abs who although asked me politely if he could add more water into the charcoal but didn't seem to respond to my compliment about his body. And E from the dry sauna, a guy with an athletic body worthy of a badminton player who moved his toes away when I tried to initiate contact and also kept his towel tightly wrapped.

For some reason, I felt kinda invisible today. In fact, what strengthened my sense of observation was that everybody who walks into the sauna I am in, tend to move or sit far away from me. Is it me? What kind of energy am I emanating that is causing people to stay clear? And by the way, what's up with people being so conservative today? Did they not get the lose-towel-show-your-crotch memo? Or does everybody want to sit around and expect to be pursued these days?

Somewhere between these guys and my tendency to complicate emotions, I wanted to give up. I told myself that I was going to come home tonight and write an article about my unsuccessful attempt at cruising because I felt that writing about failures can sometimes inspire or motivate others even more. It would allow those who think that I am having fun all the time to see that I too go through unsuccessful frustration. When a platform is dedicated to just documenting the success stories, it might not be as powerful or as truthfully real as the one that would show the world its vulnerability, disappointments and thoughts on failures.

Before giving up for real, I told myself I was just kidding and that I will try at least one more time. I will walk out of this gym having had a shower with someone. I even sat in the sauna and visualised myself having fun with someone. I know I might be crazy, but I refused to believe it won't happen and that it won't come! I don't believe it.

Within a couple of seconds, the taller guy from my first encounter in this gym walked in. Although I did have fun with him again for the second time a couple of days ago, I wanted to try another guy today. Through the glass doors, I could see A still pacing restlessly up and down the corridors outside. Perhaps nobody here was good enough for him?

I left the wet sauna and went back into the dry steam room to see if anybody new has entered. However, only E was still present in the same location, same towel wrap. I went in and deliberately parked myself extra close to him. God, I want to taste those chest and abs. Oh those strong arms.

At this point, one might have labelled him straight and uninterested after the previous attempts in sexual courtship. But for some reason, my instincts were telling me very strongly that there is something "not completely straight" about this guy. 

E still didn't respond promisingly to my proximity and second subtle toe approach. Sheesh, is this guy fucking clueless, handicapped or straight? 

I was tired of the no response, so I stood up, readjusted my towel in preparation to leave. As I opened the door, I felt something touch my feet from behind and I turned to see E retracting from what seemed like a stretch. What was that?! I swear something touched our feet! 

I couldn't gauge if it was my imagination after all the mind games or was it really E who made the initiative. In my heart, I already knew the answer, but my mind was telling me not to trust it. Why now after the exhaustive lengths I went to to get your attention? Could he just be shy? Or maybe he's just a little slow when it comes to cruising?

Without wanting to look obvious in case I was wrong, I walked out and decided that if it really was him, I'll come back later. Within two or three minutes, I was back and seated closely next to E. A was also now present in the sauna and was probably aware of what is going on. 

As soon as he left, presumably because I was now in the room, I pressed my right knee and leg against E's left. He doesn't seem as elated as I am for winning the lottery, but he responded. He reached for my crotch and I for his. I was already hard and ready. Hallelujah, thank the Lord for the score!

Without wasting any more time, he asked if I would like to shower and I said yes. He signaled for us to head to the same shower cubicle where I last had my fun. Jeez, is this like the golden cubicle for all male members to have their surreptitious homoerotic showers?

The moment the water started running and the door closed, I went after him like I haven't eaten in ten days and am starved for an athletic man's body. He started playing with my penis as I worshipped every part of his body that I love with my mouth and tongue. I enjoyed myself greatly in our shower, capitalising on the prior lascivious thoughts I've long had the moment I saw him. He smells amazing which is a major turn on.

Gradually, I moved my way down south and ended up giving him a nice blowjob. His penis was manageable which made my act easier to administer and enjoyable. I flicked my tongue all over his scrotum, perineum and took his balls into my mouth. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the whole process, to the extend where he was on his toes with one leg up and was trying to balance himself while caressing me.

After the blowjob, he reached for the body shower and lubricated our penis. He rubbed them together in circular motion and also pushed our bodies together so as to stimulate our penile helmets further against each other's bodies. He continued to rub and push against me by putting his tool in between my thighs and start moving vigorously. We held each other in embrace as I prepared him for his finish. He shuddered while pinning me closely to him, I wasn't sure if that was his ejaculation but I let him finish. I shot him a thumbs up and he nodded his head.

When he was done, I jerked myself off to climax, using him, his proximity and his masculine body as ammunition. I came satisfyingly good and was smirking all the way. As we were cleaning up, he twisted his dick and inspected the frenulum under the light. Wondering if everything was okay, I shot him another thumbs up asking if he was all right.

He shook his head and pointed directly to my dick with one index finger, and then proceeded to use his other index finger, with both fingers now pointing parallelly upward to create an invisible gap, gesticulating the common sign society would invoke as if to measure the length of a fish or the length of something.

I smiled pleasingly knowing what he was trying to say. I definitely do not belong in the extra large category, but I am not small either. Although he wasn't big, but I wonder if our penile size really do determine our confidence as men?

After some slight washing up, I patted his shoulder as a sign of gratitude and opened the door slightly to peep. Ensuring that the coast was clear, I then darted out and into another cubicle, leaving him to shower on his own.

On my way home, I couldn't help but wonder and marvel at the sequence of events that had happened. I replayed everything in my head and analysed how I went from feeling invisible to being rewarded. Was I rewarded because I didn't give up? Because I was stubborn or because I persevered? 

But what I learnt from this experience is that timing and patience is a great factor in determining your success at catching a fish. I guess I had time to kill. The other thing to take note is that  conservative towel wrapping styles are never what they seem. For their wearers are great gamers and pretenders, as are all men.