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Wednesday, 27 August 2014

If You Cannot Hear The Sound Of The Genuine

"If you cannot hear the sound of the genuine in you, you will all of your life, spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls." - Howard Thurman

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Sex Date With An Italian Engineer

During the same week that I got to know the Australian IT guy, I also made successful contact with an Italian engineer from Hornet who has been living in this city for about fifteen years. The day after I met the Australian IT guy in his apartment for fun, I found myself taking the bus in the middle of a Friday afternoon to fulfill another sex date that was separately arranged with this Italian engineer.

Throughout the bus journey and additional ten minute commute on foot to his apartment, I kept thinking: "Whoa M. Two consecutive sex dates on a Thursday and a Friday! That has never happened before. I'm really excited! Wait, the last two sex dates went very well and I enjoyed myself. So could this one potentially turn out to be a bad? Because let's face it, this is our life we're talking about, and our life never goes this well."

"Shhtop-it-shhtop-it-shhtop-it! Stop over-thinking and just go into the experience. Take it as it comes, Jesus", the sensible side of my mind yells frustratingly as it rolls its eyes. 

The Italian engineer lives in the centre of a very happening gay neighbourhood which was both convenient and exciting in a good way. Upon arrival at the lobby, I pressed the intercom and heard his voice through the speakers for the first time, telling me to go up to the tenth floor.

When I walked into his apartment, he shook my hand and closed the door, leading me to the living room couch where the television was on. But before we went past the dining area on the way to the comfy looking couch, he startled me halfway by mentioning that I needed to take my shoes off, of which I absentmindedly forgot because I was so focused on making small talk.

Then, I made an embarrassingly horrendous blunder of saying: "Sorry I forgot to take my shirt off. I-mean shoes! Shoes! My shoes! Oh God! Take, my, shoes, off." Jesus Christ I wanted to bury my face because I think it turned red. He obviously heard what I said but played cool and didn't seem to be bothered by it although he could have easily teased the crap out of me.

He and I settled down on the couch for about a minute or so while shooting the breeze before we simultaneously reached out for each other and naturally fell into a warm cuddle. Then he pulled me in closer to lie on his broad jock-bear body and sealed his lips onto mine. Oh God! Yum. There was tongue and he tasted of the flavoured mint from his gum. Not bad. So far so good!

[ Reminder: Sexual Content Ahead ] 
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Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Sometimes The Good Comes With A Little Sadness

Yesterday, I happened to catch a coincidental rerun of one of my favourite childhood TV series, and at the end of the episode, after the leading characters of the show successfully triumphed over the current week's antagonist, they were seated together and toasting to their success. During the toast, Character C suddenly looked very sad in which the following dialogue was exchanged between the trio.

Character B:
"What's the matter honey?"

Character C:
"The last time I was here, I was here with Finn..."
(Finn is the innocent whom Character C fell for, but died in mid battle during the climax of the episode.)

Character A & B: [sympathetic silence]

Character C:
"How do you guys get over these things?"

Character A:
"You don't."

Everybody: [silent]

Character A:
"But you learn with experience that you can't dwell on the losses." 
"You kinda have to..."

Character C:
"Harden your heart?"

Character A:
"Pro-tect your heart." 
"And unfortunately, the fact of our lives is that sometimes the good comes with a little sadness."

Monday, 18 August 2014

Emotions From A Miserably Cold And Rainy Day

Recently, a lot has happened and new gay experiences have just been coming into my life much faster than I can write them. So bear with me. Sometimes the sequence of my emotions don't make sense is because they are a continuation of current or previous events which I have yet to write about. 

Anyway, I'm about to document some thought and emotional processes that happened to me in a single day today. It started with me going out in the late afternoon to meet a new guy from Hornet for drinks in the city centreThe weather was miserably cold and rainy, but the man that showed up was cute and genuinely pleasant.

When he first got in touch with me, I never took him seriously as someone that I would actually meet for real. It's one of those profiles where you think chatting is as far as it'll go because the digital rapport between us wasn't very interesting. But finally, we both made the effort to arrange a meeting for real and that was nice.

After our drinks, he went back to the office and I stayed back to check my messages before leaving. Another candidate nearby whom I've been chatting to for weeks on Jack'd notices our very close proximity and asks if we could meet for coffee nearby after his gym session. 

I requested for him to meet at an earlier time so that I don't have to wait around in the cold and rainy weather. Unfortunately, he wasn't going to sacrifice or postpone his gym time just to meet a new guy so it didn't work out. The rain was getting heavier and I decided to brave the cold and walk myself to the nearest bus stop which was about fifteen minutes away. 

Then while waiting for the bus, I suddenly felt very sad. This sudden state of melancholy had nothing to do with the failed second meet or whatever, but it was just negative emotions and sadness that have been bugging me for a while due to my frustrating search for a sorted career path and romantic satisfaction.

While riding on the bus, I thought heavily and sadly about the Australian guy I recently metI miss him. Both sexually and romantically as well. "Oh God, this kinda hurts. Why isn't he enthusiastic about meeting anymore? Why doesn't he make any effort for us to spend time together when he knows I only have a few more weeks left? What's go-"

"M! M! Stop! Stop it. You're a full grown civilised adult male and you're whining like a girl who just got played. Stop being ridiculous. He has the right to do whatever he wants. You just need to shut up and get over your own needy emotions. If you can't play this game like a man, don't play it.", another part of my heart yells as I forced myself not to let my confused emotions and infatuation for the Australian guy carry me further.

Later on, the bus finally arrives at the street where I'm staying and I got off. But before heading home, I decided to buy some groceries and walked to the supermarket which was another ten minutes away. The place was filled with good-looking gay guys that evening, one of which I couldn't keep my eyes off because he was out-of-my-league handsome and impeccably dressed for success.

While at the check out machine, his boyfriend came with another basket of groceries and he too looked very handsome and equally successful. Jesus, do wildly handsome and successful gays partner with only other wildly handsome and successful gays?

This is probably not the most positive thing to say, but standing at the cashier check out, I felt envious and inferior. It felt like there was no way I could ever be good enough being myself. Seeing those two guys live their lives in a shoe where they've already got the incredible good looks and the career success, I wondered deeply at that moment about what my options are in life for a struggling gay guy behind this journal.

As I walked out of the supermarket, so did they, sharing a stylish big black umbrella together under the cold rain with groceries in hand. They seem happy and securely in love, which dug out genuine positive emotions from me to the couple as another human being, but also my very own sense of inferiority and envy.

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Having A Good Time At The Australian Guy's Apartment

So after my kiss with the Australian guy in the last post, I was convinced that it might have helped steered us onto a more interesting track. It felt like we gave each other a preview of what the potential experience between us could be, and then leaving each other to get together again.

The next morning while still in my pyjamas and dishevelled hair, he sent me a morning text on WhatsApp and I of course was ecstatic. As one chat bubble led to another, I found out that he currently has about three hours of free time before another conference call and was looking forward to seeing me for more of those kisses.

I said sure, and asked if he wanted to spend some time over coffee. He said to meet in his apartment, which I thought was a little weird because I remember him telling me about some of the house rules he had in place with his flatmates, and one of them was to never bring guys home. Jeez M, why do you care? It's not your apartment or your responsibility!

Our residential buildings are within a ten minute walk from each other. So after a quick jump under the shower and about half an hour later, I was knocking on his apartment door. His friendly Australian self greeted me with a handshake and I felt my heart light up at his presence. "Let me take your jacket for you", he said and just like a good host, he made me feel so welcome. Although I am no fool as to what we're here for.

I walked over to comment on his neat looking bookshelf and conspicuous amount of John Grisham novels before strategically positioning myself on the modern couch. He came over and sat beside me while chatting a little bit more. Somehow things just felt very natural between me and him. And so we closed in almost immediately and fused our lips together again. 

This second kiss then gave way to an amazing make out on the couch. There was tongue, lips, seductive whispers and hands groping all over. Him on top, me on top. I was once told that I should keep my talking mouth shut when engaging in physical activities so as not to spoil the mood. But surprisingly with this guy, the whispers we kept saying to each other made it seem like an exciting television make out scene come to life.

At this point, I wasn't sure what we are, what was going on, or if we should be going all the way, but before I could make a decision, he suspended the kiss and guided us into his bedroom like it was the most normal thing to do.

Before we resumed the make out, he took two minutes to show me a tour of his room along with the vast aerial view from his private balcony. Our suburb is so close to the international airport that you can literally see commercial jets touching down onto the runway from his room. I was impressed. However, the only issue I worried about, was if we have enough privacy as there is a high chance that people from the outside could see into everything that was going on in here.

[ Reminder: Sexual Content Ahead ] 
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