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Saturday, 18 October 2014

Sex Date With A Broadcasting Executive | ❶

This story takes off immediately from the same Saturday where I met the American lawyer living in Australia for coffee. By 6pm, he had to leave for dinner plans while I was left wandering around Pott's Point in a restless state, thinking about what other activities I could arrange for myself on a Saturday evening.

Having felt like a coffee date with someone attractive without sex was just pure tease, I instantly fired up the gay apps on my smartphone and started to chat guys up, hoping to score at least one impromptu sex date to calm some of those 'feelings of need' I'm starting to experience.

After about thirty minutes of wandering around on the street and staring at my phone without any luck, I decided that maybe I should just head home and have a quiet night in. I pathetically and unwillingly hopped on a bus home. 

A sex date via ‘online fishing’ as how I would like to call it, usually takes a couple of days to manifest, starting from the first text bubble to the time both parties meet for real. So it wasn't surprising that nothing came.

Back at the apartment, I cooked myself a simple meal and watched some television. The time on the oven says 19:39 and I was still feeling very dissatisfied with the outcome of my evening. So I spent the next two hours cruising extremely hard on my phone. It came to the point where I really thought I was going to explode out of frustration and restlessness. 

“Ok, think I’m just gonna say yes to any guy who talks to me, any guy.” But after a couple of approaches, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’d rather jerk off than force myself to have fun with someone I have no physical interest in.

By the end of that thought, it started to dawn on me that my hunt to get laid that night was not going to happen. Because A, I was just cruising too ridiculously hard on the gay apps, and I know for a fact that things usually don't materialise when I exude such overwhelming need and desire for it. 

And B, I was in an unreasonable state of emotion where I was hounding on a circumstance that concerns the mutual attraction and willingness of another human, a circumstance that the universe and I have no control over.

As soon as logic and strategic thinking started to regulate my brain fluids again, I decided to let the idea of hunting that night go and immediately turned my attention to how I can experiment with the Law of Attraction to let the things come to me via energetic invitation. After all, I was already nowhere near to scoring any sex that week. So what’s the harm in having some fun with this Law to see what it can bring?

I started to think about how I can apply it correctly and logically. Common sense tells me that the Law will fail miserably if say for example, I was thinking of trying to use it to get this guy or that guy on my screen to sleep with me. I mean come on, this Law is energetic science not magic.

But what it does have the power to do, is bring about the ‘final reality’ or ‘outcome’ that is arising from direct proportion to my root need. So what I started to ask for in my head was: “To experience a satisfying sexual release with a good-looking guy I consider 'do-able. I’m going to leave it up to the universe now because I’m exhausted, and I’m going to stop looking. If it’s meant to be, it will come. It'll come” 

Not convinced? Read on. So that sentence above is a very straightforward solution to solving this current dilemma I’m in. My job now is to ask for it, and trust that the universe will deliver that vision I have in my head.

And in order to truly reach that level of confidence and faith, I made sure that I was okay with the Law of Attraction and that I wouldn’t doubt the universe, even if what I was asking for didn’t come true. A key step many people fail to truly master because they rather retaliate and 'be right' when the universe fails to manifest what they're asking for in the exact manner and the exact format in which they believe should be delivered. Remember, that is not your job. Your job is to fake every emotion in your head to feel as if you already have what you're after.

So in order to help induce the Law and also to blow off some sexual frustration. I pathetically jerked myself off twice to some of the hot profiles on my phone. I faked that ‘peaceful and satisfying feeling’ of how I would feel when I've just 'made love' to a good-looking guy I found attractive in an alternate reality that is not my current situation. 

And because of that satisfaction, I am sated, and it eliminates the root feeling of 'need' or the current reality of 'I don't have'. And because ‘I have’, I don't need to go ‘looking for more’. I know it sounds complicated, but that is the best way I can explain in words. Which brings the story to Sunday afternoon where I once again experienced first hand how this Law of Attraction eerily works in my life.

The candidate who will be known as the Broadcasting Executive, actually said “hi” to me the night before on
Grindr. However, his profile picture makes him look old so I really wasn’t interested except for a couple of replies before stopping cold. I rolled my eyes at myself firstly for being such a douche, and secondly because I felt shitty about the type of guys I was getting, simply because they do not fit into that 'visual dream' I had for myself. Yes. My name is M, and I am a closeted asshole!

Then on Sunday afternoon, for some reason he starts talking to me again on WhatsApp and I replied out of having no other better distractions or plans to focus my energy on. I don’t know if it was because I slept the night, or if I had no other interesting plans, or if my sexual frustration got the release it needed from my jerk off last night, but I felt fresh and in the right mood for afternoon coffee. Just coffee because I wasn't attracted to him physically.

Within a few short chat bubbles, it was spontaneously agreed that we were going to meet for coffee, and that he was going to pick me up in about 20 minutes. He lives in a neighbouring suburb and was just on his way home after a lunch date with his niece in the city centre. 

Twenty-five minutes later, I was downstairs at the corner of my apartment complex waiting for him.
"God, I'm nervous. Am I taking a big risk again here not knowing this guy at all? It's all happening so fast out of sheer spontaneity isn't it? Nothing good ever happens so conveniently?"

I fidgeted anxiously until he called out my name from the left, and I turn to see this tall, masculine and banker-ish looking guy with silver hair approaching me. My jaw dropped a little because what I was seeing just didn't add up. Jesus, what a difference it makes seeing this man in the flesh. Why would he even use that old-looking profile picture?

The candidate was definitely not the gorgeous dream guy in my head, but boy is this one pleasant-looking man or am I just not willing to let myself admit it or get carried away by what is in fact the truth? He has this killer smile, amazingly friendly voice and strong air of confidence. As soon as we shook hands and got a proper look at each other, I knew we were going to have sex.

     “Hey, how’s it going? Had a good lunch?” I smiled and warmly delivered my first line.
     “Yeah yeah I did! What about you?”
    “Oh not too bad. I had a good brunch with some friends and was just doing some house chores when we texted. So, this is all very spontaneous and unexpected, but I’m excited.”
    “Yes it is. Shall we?”
    “Sure. Where’s your car?”
    “It’s here. This one.”

It was a beautiful black Mercedes-Benz and I was just kicking myself on the inside for all the times I’ve fantasised about cheesy scenes like this in my head. I mean a couple of weeks back I was picked up by the Australian IT Exec who surprisingly drives an Audi convertible, and now this guy picks me up in a nice black Mercedes-Benz? Ho-ho, this is gonna be fun!

In the car, we chatted further as he drove us to this designer café that was about eight minutes away. The interior space resembled one of those tastefully designed projects fit for an architectural magazine. I couldn't figure out if it was the attractive man, his air of success, or the car he drove me in, but for some absurd reason, I felt so powerless and didn’t particularly enjoy feeling like he has the upper hand. So I made the effort of ensuring that I didn't take advantage and paid for our drinks, even though that’s all I could probably afford right now.

We sat down and talked about a wide array of things. Here you have a man who has the good looks, the money, the success, the career and the advantageous freedom that comes with dual citizenship. I was particularly fascinated by the history of his decision-making that got him to his successful position today, in which he says that all of his roles in broadcasting came to him straight out of college. He was head-hunted job after job, returned to his British roots in London for ten years, came back to Australia and everything just worked out.

“What about the money?” I asked in the spirit of wanting to know if he had a particular Warren Buffet-inspired philosophical take to the money in his life, in which he says that he has never gone looking for money. His financial worth was a natural thing that just came with his career and success.

“Wow. So everything just worked out huh? Just like that”, I heard my inner voice ponder. I couldn't help but reflect on my own life and contemplated deeply about how I am ever going to overcome my own limitations and shortcomings as somebody who suspects that he has never had the right kind of sails in life, made to easily capture the wind of God. 

“Freedom”, I thought. “It actually all boils down to freedom. Freedom to live, freedom to buy, freedom to move around, freedom to pave the way, freedom to make choices, freedom to provide for yourself, freedom to be. Freedom.” 

 [ To Be Continued... Sex Date With A Broadcasting Executive | ❷ ]

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