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Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Crossing Paths With a Dream Boy

There's always cute, hot and amazingly gorgeous which is a whole other level of physical appeal. I certainly stumbled upon my fair share of amazingly gorgeous guys, but some of them were so impactful that it lingers in the mind till this very day. While in a queue, I decided to ask the person in front of me how the métro system in this Canadian city works. "Excusez-moi, parlez-vous anglais?", I asked from the back of this tall figure.

He turned while dislodging his Apple ear plugs and boy, I froze. My heart was compressed for what felt like an eternity at the beautiful guy. I honestly thought then and there that he was one of the most amazingly gorgeous man I've ever seen in flesh. My mind scrambled for something to react, to speak, anything! But it remained blank.

Think French looking and American jock. Very tall with an intimidatingly well built body, dark features, extremely good-looking and a total sex sandwich ready to be consumed in one appetizing bite. He could very well ask for a job at Abercrombie & Fitch and get it. On the other hand, it was after work so he was wearing a complete suit which killed me instantly because I have a weakness for men in formal attires.

I smiled and finally managed to clear my head and asked him for the information I needed. "Man, this gorgeous dude's a knight. God, this feels like a moment in the movies. Lost in a foreign city, hot guy... Wait, so this means you're 100% gay right? Wait a minute, suddenly you're gay and you're okay with it?" 

"I love him. I want to civil-partner this amazingly gorgeous guy. We would make love in the corner or at his house, and we would fly back and forth, and I love him and he loves me, and then we finally live together."

"Shut up!", screams the egoistic wake-up voice from the back of my head.

After buying my ticket, I shamelessly played the "lost tourist" card with him, even though I knew exactly where I was going. Turns out, we were going in the same direction, same stop. "Nice coincidence!", I thought to myself. We chatted in the train, although I kept my cool by making friendly conversations in order to get to know him better.

His name was L and although he responded fairly as an acquaintance, but the rhythm and chemistry just wasn't there. I was trying very hard and he was just a guy who helped me out. Then I thought of course, it would have been too good to be true if he was even slightly gay and interested. Even if he was, he would be totally out of my league.

But nevertheless, encounters like these only happens once. It's a crucial moment, a window of opportunity in the game of time and place. If a connection isn't made, we lose it forever. Therefore, I asked for his contact and has since kept him at an email's reach away.

However, the impact of that encounter was so great that until this very day, I still can't get him out of my head. I frequently think and fantasize about seeing him again. It's been half a year, but I still find myself constantly replaying those moments in the métro, in my head.

In fact today, at a dinner party, I met a friend of a friend who looked very much like L, which immediately flooded me with thoughts of him. I for one am very familiar with the feeling of trying too hard, falling for guys and being invisible. It's a pointless infatuation, but as always, I shall let it fade with the passage of time. I hate myself for feeling what I'm feeling, but I have absolutely no control over these emotions that come. In other words, the price of being gay can sometimes be a pain. When will I stop falling for gorgeous straight guys?

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