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Friday, 27 June 2014

Meeting A Pleasant Belgian Entrepreneur for Coffee

A couple months back, a guy living in Belgium came across my profile on Gaydar and decided to send me a private message with a face picture attached. Not bad and pleasant looking, however he certainly didn't fit into a type that I would usually look out for.

"That's weird, why would a guy living so far away chat me up here? Usually people aren't even interested in talking to other guys unless they're within a certain geographical radius of commute. But this? This, we are far. What could possibly come out of it?", I thought.

Defying my own complicated deduction of logic, I made a decision to approach this with an open mind and just go with the flow. Even though his picture didn't pique enough of my interest.

Gradually after a few exchanges on Gaydar, we ended up on each other's instant messaging app and chatted occasionally on a wide variety of topics, including discussions about sex and also casually intriguing each other with recorded voice messaging.

He flirts a lot more with me whenever we chat but I most often never reciprocate, or take him for that matter seriously. One because I wasn't attracted to him that way and I didn't want to lead him on. And secondly, I'm almost never comfortable in expressing affection with a complete stranger I've never even met in real life.

Unexpectedly over the course of our frequent exchange, I think we became comfortable friends. We even talked about the possibility of us meeting one day, in Belgium or wherever serendipity might take us. Maybe he might even indulge me in some "bed training" as how he called it. However, he failed to mention that he will be coming to my city this month on business.

So last week, I couldn't believe my eyes when his message to me read that he was at the airport boarding a plane bound for the neighbouring capital city in my region for business. He told me that he will be passing by my city too for a couple of days. 

"What? He's going to be in the country? That's weird. We've been chatting for a while now. How come he never mentioned this trip to me? Aren't we friends?", I pondered. Putting all sense of reasoning aside, I told him that I am interested in meeting him for coffee and that we should definitely meet up. I wasn't hoping for sex at all when I arranged the meet, but I thought if I really liked him enough, the option might still be negotiable and I'll let him do whatever he wants with me.

On an uncomfortably hot Monday afternoon, I found myself seated at a downtown café with the very same Belgian guy I've been chatting to for months. It felt so surreal, and so positively weird that a character I've only ever known through a retina display screen, is now smiling at me in flesh after attending an afternoon business lunch. He was pleasant, approachable, funny and nice. He graciously paid for my coffee and we talked enjoyably about his business. He told me too that I looked good and that I am attractive.

However, I was still unsure if I'm up for some bedroom fun with him if he asks. I don't know if it was my hormones, my intake of antidepressants, or if my body is changing again, but for a few long weeks now, my sex drive has been in the extreme low. Pair that with my lack of physical attraction towards him and my newly awakened fear of failure again in bed, you have a recipe for disaster.

True enough after we both finished our drinks, there was a long silence and he asked if I wanted to go back to the room with him. Damn it! He really is asking. After taking a few seconds to come to the conclusion that I still am not 'in heat', I apologised and politely turned him down, explaining that I wasn't in the mood that day. He was of course disappointed.

The atmosphere got a little awkward and I felt bad for not delivering what was expected, but we got past it and continued to chat. For some reason after turning him down, I was really conscious of the time. He is a business man. Am I wasting his? Is he even interested in keeping me as a friend if I cannot give him what he's after?

Nevertheless, we continued to talk about many things. We even met up again the next day for drinks because I wanted to spend as much time as I can with him. After all, he did say that it is not everyday that we get to meet. Some of the interesting things in our conversation that struck me emotionally and ignited many 'a-ha' moments were:

  • the constant rejection in his line of work, and in business. In which he says to me "welcome to life in the real world" and that rejection is a part of living in reality. If there are a hundred doors, it is up to us to knock on all hundred in order to seek for that one lucky door that might be the one that we need to change things. If there are none within that first one hundred, look for another bulk of hundred and start over.

  • my not so positive past experiences with sex. "Are you scared? Afraid? Or what? The past is the past." He told me not to let a bad past experience hold me back and ruin my willingness to take risks again in the present. To chance positive memories that is the natural antidote to our not so positive past. He was of course talking about it in the context of sex and also in life.

  • the time he travelled on business to a neighbouring city and met up with a guy he long chatted with on Planet Romeo/Gay Romeo who "wasn't looking for fun". When they met at the lobby of his hotel, the Belgian entrepreneur was in his own words 'drooling' at the candidate. So they went out for the night, only to have the candidate himself suggest that they return to the hotel bar for a drink and wanted to "see his room". But because sex was not part of the plan that night, it didn't occur to the entrepreneur what was happening.

    The candidate stated later on in the room that "it's late and that he doesn't have transport home". So the Belgian allowed him to stay but joked that the guest is to sleep on the ground. The candidate agreed. But later on, the entrepreneur laughed and said:
    "Don't be silly, come share the bed" and he did. Then obviously clothes started to come off, they made love and they spend a couple of days together. Soon they parted ways. It was a tearful one on the part of the Belgian because he fell in love with this guy, who in his own words complemented him mentally, emotionally and sexually. It was perfect.

    However, after a few weeks of texting, the candidate turned aloof because he found a new British guy who lived in the same city to be with. The Belgian guy told me how devastatingly heartbroken he was and felt like his emotions were being played. Did everything he experienced, the genuine passion he felt with the candidate, was all for nothing?

After meeting him for coffee over two days, we kept in touch as he carried on with his business trip. I don't know when him and I will have the opportunity to sit down like this together again, but I hope this wouldn't be the last of each other.

1 comment:

  1. Yep, I think he gave you some pretty things to chew on :D