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Monday, 9 June 2014

The German Backpacker Stays in My Home for a Week | ❶

Last week, I gave into my heart's impulse and invited T, the German backpacker I first met in April this year to come spend a weekend at my home as an international friend. After the realistic signals and happenings within the last postI sort of came to the conclusion that him and I are probably just two guys who will maintain a very formal gay relationship.

I extended the invite under a platonic pretext and left the decision up to him of which, he openly accepts. My purpose for this arrangement was for us to fully spend an undisrupted weekend together, co-existing in the same space to see what comes up. Even if sexual exploration might not be on the menu again, I knew I liked T enough to want to continue being in his company. He said that it should be fun and came up with a few suggestions on what we can do together.

So the weekend finally arrives and during the entire time since he stepped foot into my car, I had to ride out intermittent boners that seem to arise at inconvenient intervals. Like when I was showing him the guest room, seeing him without his shirt on, or simply just seated next to him on the terrace. There were moments where I tried to initiate subtle physical contact but he seemed impervious to it all.

On the first evening of his stay, we went out for a nice dinner with my family and spent the late night chilling over some beer and alcohol on the garden terrace. We talked good, and the long hours were surprisingly more enjoyable than the times where I would commute into the city just to meet him for coffee.

At around 3am while preparing to go to bed, I deliberately lingered around his room under the pretext of being a good host and making sure that he is comfortable and has everything he needs to get a good night's sleep. Come on, invite me to share the same bed! We drank some alcohol didn't we? Still, nothing happened and we ended up sleeping in separate rooms.

The next morning, I woke up with morning wood knowing that he was in the next room. I brushed my teeth and went over to greet him and lazed on his bed. Again, he didn't seem to respond. But my erection was getting too obvious that I had to walk away before I embarrassed myself.

This day and night ritual then continued to repeat itself over the next two days without anything happening. By the third day, I got the message that nothing was ever going to happen and I maturely accepted it with slight disappointment.

Then unexpectedly, for what was supposed to be a weekend stay was slowly turning into something longer. I was his host for about a week and we were constantly in each other's company, doing all sorts of things together like:

  • Going shopping because he needed some new pants and t-shirts for his travels.
  • Making him coffee and toast in the morning.
  • Sightseeing at tourist spots and visiting cultural landmarks.
  • Long hourly night walks with my dog together in the neighbourhood.
  • Re-educating my untrained dog of his rusty manners.
  • Going to the cinema, sharing a popcorn and watching a blockbuster movie.
  • Cooking him my version of a lovely lunch and eating it out on the terrace together because he didn't feel like going out.
  • Sitting in cafés, public places and my terrace for hours.
  • Buying take out food together and sharing them with nightly beer and wine sessions.

Frankly, these are scenes of which I've always dreamt of doing all my life with a guy, or what I would call a 'boyfriend figure'. But this figure never had a face. At one point, I remember thinking that the Law of Attraction was manifesting in the form of T. However, not as a lover, but more of the 'guy figure' of which I did those things with. We were living everyday like a couple except that we are not a couple.

"So the universe does work in mysterious ways in sending you dreams", I find myself pondering.

While walking the dog one night, I don't know what came over me but I decided to tell him about how I never thought that the 'boyfriend figure' who would be walking the dog with me, was him. He looked at me with an expression that seem to depict his uneasiness with what I just said. I laughed and went on to explain that he doesn't have to take everything I say so seriously all the time.

One evening while we were in the car and on the way for some later night supper, my patience finally ran out at the onset of courage. I decided to be honest with him about my hopes for more bed fun.

"T, I have a burning question at the back of my head I've been wanting to ask you. But I think you might not be very comfortable with answering."

Him: [eyes front]

"You sure?"

"Yeah go ahead."

"You know ever since that time, you and I met for the first time and we 'you know', tried things out. Are you finish with ever wanting to try anything with me again? In bed I mean."

Him: [silent]

"I told you it was uncomfortable didn't I? Haha. But you know what, just forget it. You don't have to answer that."

"No no. It's a good question. I am very glad you asked me this because I've also been thinking if I want to talk to you about this."

"How come? Because I remember trying to get us to talk about it the last time but you seemed really uncomfortable and no longer wanted to pursue the conversation so I had to let it go. What changed?

I've decided to ask now because for the past few days, I've sort of gotten comfortable with you enough to want to go for honesty instead of I don't know...  I felt like you left me hanging back there and there was no feedback for me to find out what went wrong or how can I fix it."

"When we first met, I was stuck because I liked you. I really enjoyed the company and the conversations we were having. So much so that I was worried if inviting you back to my place for fun was going to spoil what he had. But we did go back to my place and it didn't go well. So I planned to leave it as that.

Then when I while I was back in Germany and we were chatting, you asked me some sex questions and I knew immediately what you had in mind and what you were planning.

When you invited me to your home, I thought to myself 'hmm.. let's see where this will go, or let's see how things will work out with M. I don't know where I stand with him and am also trying to figure out what will become of us. I like him as friend but we'll see.' 

And I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't check you out or look at you behind your back whenever you turn because I like your body and I am attracted to it. Yeah. But at the same time, I enjoy his friendship that I don't want to bring us back to that awkward place in bed. We tried it, it wasn't good and I am impatient. For me, once was enough and... yeah. "

"Okay T. I just wanted to know. Thank you so much for being so honest. I just want to clarify and reassure you that I actually don't have any unreasonable expectations in mind or at the back of my head when I brought up this topic between us. I just felt that with you, I don't have to play games and don't want to play games. So now I know."

"Yeah, let's wait and see. We talk about this again in a few days. Right now, let's go to dinner."

[To Be Continued...  The German Backpacker Stays in My Home for a Week | ❷

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