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Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Coming Into Your Life For A Reason

This post is in response to a previous one titled: The Day I Surrendered And Came Out To Myself

I first made contact with R back in 2009 through a social network site for travellers. I was a solo stranger travelling to his city, and looking forward to meeting a native resident. Coincidentally, his profile stated that he was gay and I was intrigued. 

As a closeted guy in deep denial, I was really drawn to the idea of meeting another gay person face to face and that seemed like the perfect opportunity. I just knew that I wanted to talk to someone who was gay, but yet had absolutely no idea as to what could have been the purpose or outcome if I was going to remain in the closet.

I of course, out of common courtesy and denial, did not tell him that. He agreed to play host, but somehow my travel plans didn't work out and we left things as it is.

Then, last year when I finally visited his city, I re-initiated contact and we had coffee for the first time. Our status remained the same, I was closeted denial and he was, an attractive man in flesh and in sight. Over coffee, I said: "R. This is so surreal. Can you believe that I wrote to you 2 years ago, and here we are finally."

"Yeah!", he chuckled.

After some conversational warm-up, we met up again the next day for dinner, which was where the whole wake-up conversation took place. I went a little too far with my bombardment of questions because I've never met a wise and successful gay person before in my life, and he was it. I wasn't going to let the opportunity to find out more, pass me by.

As an advanced gay man in his 50's, he obviously was bored and annoyed with my naive questions. "Does it ever feel lonely being gay? Have you ever felt different? How did you come out?" I still cringe whenever I replay the 'interview' in my head. Think I needed answers for myself.

I apologised profusely after and tried to get him to understand the reason behind my curiosity. However he became gradually more taciturn as the evening went by and that was when I realised that I cannot expect an avuncular manner out of him just because he was gay and wiser. R and I never kept in touch after saying goodbye because somehow, I think I crossed the line. 

Nevertheless, if it wasn't for the conversation with him that evening, I wouldn't have decided to wake up and come-out to myself. Until this very day, I still cannot get over how an unexpected stranger could come into your life for a couple of hours and change it then and there. I remember telling this story to one of my friends in which she said...

"Hey, stop trying to understand why you guys didn't keep in touch or remained as friends. Sometimes, people are meant to come into our lives for a certain duration of time to fulfil a 'certain purpose' or teach us something. For specific reasons which can sometimes be unknown even to ourselves. After in which, they leave because they've fulfilled their purpose. Maybe that's how fate intended it to be."

"And maybe you and R are not meant to be friends. Maybe he was a crucial figure who was meant to come into your life, just for that couple of hours to help you change your own life. For you to come-out to yourself. Maybe that was his purpose. Think about it."

Maybe. But I'd still like to rekindle some kind of friendship with him one day. The man left an impact in my life. It'd be sad not being able to keep in touch. And sometimes, I really marvel at how life and timing plays itself right. I wrote to him 2 years ago with those thoughts in mind, then it didn't work out. We meet 2 years later over dinner in the intended city and then, I surrendered and finally came-out to myself.

I can't help but take this as all part of the Law of Attraction, either that or some kind of alignment of fate.


  1. Hi! Do you usually use online social media websites?

    1. Not often. But I'd say it really depends on the occasion and purpose though.