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Sunday, 10 November 2013

Sexual Frustration and a Change of Profile Picture

About a month ago, my doctor decided to put me on a new dose of medication to supress a relapse of my depression and anxiety problems. So the switch in medication has profoundly affected my sex drive. In other words, my libido was so frozen in the low that I didn't touch myself for weeks. Unbelievable!

Although I do still try it out occasionally whenever I'm feeling restless in the shower or in bed. But setback is I could never climax, nor could I ever reach ejaculation which was both equally frustrating and exhausting when you're trying to blow off some steam.

Fast forward to a few weeks later, I gradually got some of my libido back. However, this time only porn and pictures of really hot male models will have enough ammo to tip me off to euphoria. But during that phase, my familiar struggle with physical self-esteem came back to haunt me.

Then I decided to pay a visit to my hairstylist in order to feel fresh and better about myself. The evening after my haircut, I pondered obsessively in front of the mirror if I could ever be masculine or good-looking enough for the kind of guys I'm after. I studied my own reflection in silence and in doubt.

As I remembered the issue of online profile pictures not matching up in real life, a screenshot of the Grindr grid pops into in my head and I thought immediately about the art of image crafting. Of how many guys actually look like their profile pictures and how many guys actually hide better or worse versions of themselves behind that inviting thumbnail.

I decided to do an experiment of my own and started to explore what could possibly come out of my phone camera with the help of my new haircut. I took many shots of myself in various lighting and angles while shutting my ego up whenever it rears its ugly head to judge me from the inside.

The key visual projection message I had in mind is attractive, good-looking and masculine. The image should make a guy want to tap on my thumbnail and chat me up or reciprocate in a positive manner when I initiate contact. I finally selected one or two favourable shots in which I think would work.

Truth is I don't feel comfortable showing my full face picture. I remember reading somewhere on the gay banker's blog that he never shows his face picture publicly for a handful of reasons so I followed his advice. Hence, my current picture doesn't show my face clearly. Which is probably the reason why my profile doesn't get much attention even though it is well written.

So about a week ago, I was hanging out with some friends at a local bar and this straight Iranian bartender that served us was handsome and hot. He didn't even responded to my eye-contact and it drove me crazy because I was in a phase of sexual frustration. I was just horny and in dire need of some kind of a make-out with an attractive guy. 

In the beaten spirit of not being able to have what I want, I finally convinced myself to take the courageous step of uploading my new profile picture to the gay apps to see if I am masculine and good-looking enough to get some attention. After all, I needed to fish in the right pond too rather than whine over some straight hot bartender.

When I woke up the next day, my gay apps were flooded with notifications. It became busier than usual and there was an overnight increase in activity. Lots of guys were sending me messages and lots of guys were very receptive towards the new profile picture which was previously unimaginable. The new found buzz has lured me into the new obsession of constantly being on the app for almost every hour of the day.

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the attention and the new found confidence in talking to other guys. But the most important satisfaction that I got from this experimentation is that I am not as physically unattractive as I thought I was. And that the art of image crafting does hold the ultimate power in boosting the attractiveness of an online profile if implemented strategically. For now, I'll wait and see what happens next.


  1. I am totally on board with you finding a new confidence. But reading the last paragraph of this, I was concerned that that confidence is rooted in, what is essentially a lie. The person you fall in love with, is not going to reciprocate to a crafted image, no. He will fall in love with you, flaws and all. Think about this.

    1. I suppose *some* crafted images are a lie but certainly not all of them. What you want to avoid is a picture that is so unrepresentative that when you meet in person the guy is automatically turned off by the radical difference. A well crafted image will be authentic but also alluring. The real test of the thumbnail you're using is what kind of reception you get when you meet face-to-face.

    2. Mind Of Mine:
      Hi Ian, I see your point. And I love what you've just said about falling in love with your flaws and all. But don't worry, I am not setting myself up for disappointment or trying to delude the other person. What I'm trying to say is that this whole crafted image strategy I'm currently experimenting with is just a way for me to pique enough interest of the other party to want to meet me in person. The rest is up to chemistry and the universe as we move along if it were to ever develop into love.

      And I've personally seen guys in real life who don't resemble their profile picture. So I think I'm very happy with my "realistic" image even though it might be accentuated on the app. Well... we'll see what happens!

    3. TwoLives:
      Hi Cameron. You've just spoke my mind with regard to the well crafted image being alluring and authentic. Let's see what happens down the road. This whole "new image" thing might just blow over before even getting me any guys. lol!