Navigation Bar Blue

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Friday Evening Sexual Frustration and More Hot Guys

After the handsome hot guy and I went our separate ways, I finally met up with my regular friends who were also in the area after work. The time was already 7pm and I could definitely feel the Friday mood start to pick up in the air and the upmarket ambiance. The place was packed with people, most of them corporate executives, foreigners, tourists and probably expatriates. 

As we walked around and settled for a place to eat, I started to notice the amount of hot guys that were in the area again and man they were attractive! I mean I've been in this district many times before, but on no occasion has it ever made me feel like how I did when I was living in the city of beautiful peopleI started wondering if it was me feeling unusually promiscuous, or is it just a mere coincidence in proportion to the heightened number of sexual triggers.

"Oh wow. Look! That guy and that guy is cute. They're even better looking than the real Westlife", my friend and I commented. The hot guys were everywhere I turn and it started to bring out all sorts of emotions in me.

Christ. What is up with this place on a Friday night?! I've never seen so many foreign hot guys within a span of seconds and floor spaces. I decided to turn on the gay dating apps on my phone with high hopes of seeing if I could catch any of the guys I saw on it. Unfortunately, non of them were and I got frustrated.

Throughout the next three and a half hours that we were hanging out in the same place, more and more hot guys just started appearing out of no where. Tall, handsome, cute, well-dressed, successful, well-built, dreamy eyes you name it. It was just one attractive guy after another and it was driving me insane. I lost control of myself and my eyes were swerving from one guy to another like flying darts in a public place.

I was constantly on my phone too, hoping that at least one of these guys would have a profile on the grid. But sadly, I couldn't find any one of them. Think I might have spoken too soon about my new profile picture. For the past few weeks, there is definitely a conspicuous increase in chatting activity and guys responding to me. But on this particular evening, there was none. Even if there were, I was just not interested, not after what was paraded under my nose.

"Are all the hot guys I want here straight?! But hey, wait a minute. What are the chances of them being gay and wants to get together with you either?", the bucket of ice cold thought splashed right onto my face and I started to feel despondent at the reality of things.

Soon it was time to head home and I was so ready to finally leave with my friends. As I got to thinking about my emotions while I was in bed, I discovered a pattern. Whenever I'm bombarded by too many hot guys, I unconsciously generate feeling tones within myself that goes something like: "I am not", "I don't have", "I can't have", "why can't I have", "will I ever have", "out of my league to have", "not possible to have", "not good enough to have", "not masculine enough to have", "not physically desirable enough to have".

When logic kicks in, I started to digest that these are emotions of unworthiness. And because I focus on them for every single attractive guy that comes into my space, it continues to drive me insane. That night before falling asleep, I brought myself back to the moment when I first wrote: Why Do Hot Guys Affect Me So Much and pondered deeply about the unresolved issues that are probably still residing from within.

No comments:

Post a Comment