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Saturday, 16 November 2013

Half-Hearted Sex in the Car | ❷

[ Previously on... Half-Hearted Sex in the Car | ❶ ]

Yum! It was hard, fast, passionate and filled with lots of tongue kissing techniques I've never before experienced. Although I don't think his way qualifies as being a good kisser because he completely overtook my mouth without bothering to synch his kisses with my rhythm, but nevertheless it was interesting enough.

[ Reminder: Sexual Content Ahead ]

After the kiss, he unbuckled his pants and revealed the now fully erected circumcised tool jutting out from the fabric opening. It looked good under the low light and it reminded me very much of M²'s"Will you suck me off?", he asked in a soft vulnerable voice. I said "Sure!" I mean what else are we going to do if oral isn't even on the menu.

I bent over and took him into my mouth. I was impressed by how amazing his tool felt on my tongue, especially the head. It was extremely smooth, rubbery and firm. He is one clean smelling guy. I suckled on the helmet with heightened interest, concentrating on sheathing my teeth whenever I moved down the shaft. Boy, it drove the man crazy and he was moaning with all kinds of endearment.

"Oh yes baby. You're so good. You like it in your mouth? You've been practising haven't you? Wow, you give a... a-ma-zing blow jobs. Ooh... Where did you learn how to do that? Ooh... Fuck. What would you want me to call you baby? Aaah... What should I call you baby? Aah..." 

His right hand found its way into my underwear and the fingers were grazing the entrance of my ass hole as I continued to suck him. I felt an instant boost of confidence to my oral skills as he let out those words of encouragement.

Throughout the whole blowjob, I marvel once again at how a fully in control grown man can let his guard down and fall even into the most vulnerable state during sex. I continued to suck him good, with intermittent pauses for kisses and I went back down to caress my tongue on his soft velvet helmet in my mouth like a lollipop.

As his wandering fingers teased my pucker, he proclaimed once again that he wanted my ass so badly and that we should head to a nearby hotel as doing it in the car would prove to be difficult and uncomfortable. "Come on... Let's go to a hotel so I can get naked with you! It will only take an hour. Come on, I really want to fuck you. I really want your ass."

I declined firmly once again and told him that if he wants to fuck, we can try it out in the car itself because I am not going to a hotel. He showed reluctance when I passed him a condom and said "Hey it's not because I don't want to, I really want your ass but it's just so difficult in the car", he protested in a really nice way. "Okay! Suit yourself horny guy. My way or no way", I thought silently to myself.

I reiterated once again that we'll just stick to light fun tonight and requested for his turn to suck me off. He bent over, took my uncircumcised penis into his mouth and started bobbing his head. My overwhelmingly sensitive helmet was unsheathed from its foreskin and I was immediately plugged into a bouncing symphony of pleasure and uncomfortable tingles as they played off the surfaces of his mouth and throat that brushed its way across 30,000 raw nerve endings of my tip.

I shuddered both in pleasure and in uncomfortable madness at the direct friction that was in his technique. After a while, I just didn't enjoy it. He stopped and kissed me hard on my lips again. This time he was desperate and he agreed to try out fucking me in the car. I gladly passed him the condom wondering if I'm doing the right thing bottoming for stranger. Then a thought floated into my head: "If you don't bottom now and give it a real try, then when will you ever know what you're about?"

He tore the foil packet and placed it on the dashboard. He slipped on the condom as I adjusted my jeans right down to my ankles. I climbed across the gear box and sat on his lap facing the car front. As I lowered myself onto him and he aligned his tool to my my back entrance, I had a moment of fear because my ass has never properly accommodated a full penis before from tip to base.

He pressed the head of his penis against my pucker, trying to get it in. I told myself to just relax. All of a sudden without warning, he finally managed to push it all the way in with just 2 hard thrusts. Jesus mother fucking shit! God it hurts... Christ, it hurts! It really hurts! This feels just like the first attempt with 

What made it even more uncomfortable was that he was very rough with me. With the need to struggle, my head accidentally bumped a button on the top and the central passenger reading light illuminated us in the car. Fuck! Shit!! I fumbled to find the switch and turned it off before anybody from the outside saw anything. Christ, that was embarrassing!

I then commanded him to take it slow because it hurts. As it occurred to him that he was making me uncomfortable, he immediately stopped and apologised. After what seemed like a short time-out, I gradually started impaling myself on him and him thrusting up to meet me. I was sweating because of the energy I was putting in to sustain my physical weight and also from the stinging sensation that was radiating through my entire body from the my rectum and sphincter.

I was sweating from the pain and my face reddened. As we moved together, he started going quicker and I instantly felt the familiar pain and unpleasant sensation that came with friction and the absence of lube. He desperately wanted to come in me so I tried to accommodate his wish. 

In my determined mindset of wanting to be great at sex, I mentally told myself that good sex is a skill, and bottoming efficiently in itself is a technique that requires practice. So rather than feeling horrible and resentful that this experience isn't turning out to be the positive thrill I wanted it to be, I should look at it as if it's field practice and learn from it.

Suddenly I thought I saw a glow of light coming from the front and I immediately alerted him to stop and stay still because we might have passers-by. He freaked out in fear and went completely soft. Not wanting to risk being caught in flagrante delicto, he pulled out his now almost flaccid penis from me and an immediate tsunami of comfort inundated my sphincter at the recess of invasion.

I climbed back into the driver's seat, pulled up my pants and waited to see if there was really anybody. After paying attention for a couple of minutes, I told him to relax as I was probably being overly cautious. There's nothing. "Aaaw man, you kept me in suspense! I'm all soft now look!", he smiled at me with equal scare and humour in his face.

That sudden false alarm killed our mood for anal and he once again asked if we could go to a hotel to finish this off. I said I'll finish him off here by giving him permission to come in my mouth. He pulled out the condom, stuck them in tissue and I proceeded to suck him off again. This time with the firm intention of leading him towards climax so that I can just get it over and done with, I continued with my self-convinced "oral training".

It didn't take long now that he knew he can come. He fucked my mouth towards the end as he gravitated towards climax. I had multiple gag reflexes until he announced that he was coming and then he came. I was secretly thankful that his cum shot didn't equate much to a spit as he ejaculated. I made sure to linger my mouth and tongue slowly on the crown until he climbed back to his senses because I personally love that and so wish I could do it to myself every time.

There wasn't much to clean up after, with only a couple of tissues and various wipes here and there. He raved about how amazing I was. "Wow, I'm sweating like crazy... I don't know how I'm going to explain the sweat and the dampness of my shirt. Hahaha. How about you? Did you enjoy yourself? Because I'm sensing that you're not having as much fun as I am... And I want you to have fun too you know because I don't want it to be a one-way thing."

"Oh no it's fine, don't worry about it. It's an experience and every guy brings different things to the table", I justified convincingly. But the truth was, I think I just wasn't physically or emotionally attracted to him enough. I didn't even feel the need to come because I don't think I could have come even if we tried. 

I started the drive back to the spot where I picked him up earlier. We conversed casually about our lives and he mentioned that I am actually a nice-looking guy who turns out to be very open and warm, a huge difference to what one usually finds on the gay apps these days. I thanked him but questioned myself not on his compliments, but rather my current phase of desperation and foolish search for sexual fulfilment.

When asked about boyfriends, he said gay relationships to him are hard to find, to have and to maintain. Which is why he believes very strongly in having a good career as his first priority, and casual fun on the side without placing too much emphasis on finding a partner. This to him is the practical reality in his world.

I sat there wondering if there was some truth to what he said because I previously met a guy who basically said the exact same thing. I was a little crushed at my own self-conjured dreams of finding long fulfilling love and partnership, just like the movie I had in my head.

After dropping him off, I took a detour and found a small place to have a warm drink before heading home. As I sipped my drink, a feeling of repulsion and dissatisfaction slowly crept its way into my conscious even though I did not regret the opportunity of putting myself out there. It is then that I started to analyse the whole sexual encounter. 

Did I not like him that much after he deluded me on his picture? Was I shallow and untouched with reality? So much so that I'm incapable of being attracted to an average gay guy? Or is this whole act of going around in search of sex not giving me the genuine fulfilment I so longingly seek that can only come from wanting to fill a hole that is actually something else?

2 comments:

  1. I've found your blog [generally] very helpful. words cant really express how much I've been touched by reading through your hopes and disappointments. It means a lot to hear other guys have similar very contrastive feelings, desires, sometimes self loathings and disappointments. I'm a very closed guy, straight acting and frequently get attention from girls which is sad because I wish I found them attractive. Mind I've never had any attention from guys, only very jokey comments from guys I've known a long time and know are straight like that I look handsome or nice in a bowtie. This blog particularly upsets and relieves me as I had a similarly very uncomfortable experience with a guy. Only mine was very damaging for me psychologically. It was the first time I'd ever had any courage to try anything with a guy, if I'm honest it didnt happen long ago and I've not done anything since. I tried finding a first experience by chatting online on a 'meet up' site. I hoped that talking, before possibly trying anything more, would help me to explore my feelings and provide me with some mental release by vocalising being gay. I had had no experience whatosever and had not even kissed anyone before I agreed to meet someone. The guy turned out to be much older. I wasn't attracted by him phsyically but I felt like I'd miss an opportunity if I changed my mind and went ahead. He said I was a beautiful which was so intense for me to hear and though he said is alot he then he sort of lost all subtelty and was then very rough with me re: oral [I'm also uncircumcised and extremely sensitive when im 'uncovered'] and by hand. He wanted to go top on me but I told him no as I'm not ready for it and not entirely keen. In the end I ended up helping him out twice. I knew I wouldnt come while he worked on me as he just worked me too hard [imuncircumcised and very sensitive too unfortunately]. Anyway, it was very unpleasant for me although he seemed to enjoy hismelf. afterwards I found myself overwhelmed by a sense of shame and the experience was just bad. It turns me off the idea of ever trying again. Im closed and unaccepting of myself really and although I find many men so painfully beautiful I keep hidden all my desires. But I think, now hitting my mid 20s, I'm getting to old to be inexperienced and my life so far is taking me down another route of rejecting my feelings altogether or at most to simply enjoying and admiring guys secretly from afar. In a way though I think I'm happy. I know I do not have the kind of character to put myself through the massive mental chaos of exploring like you have. I'm an awful combination of a hopeless romantic wo wants love and who likes men but who utterly despises the idea of having numerous partners and is incapacitated by lack of and bad past experiences! Your post has helped me to kind of stand back though and ask myself what is important to me, personally, in my general happiness. and as it stand I think that I am perfectly happy with my lot. I do hope you find companionship and love though. What bliss it would be to belong to someone who loves you.

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    1. Hi there. I've done a post with your comment.

      Here:
      http://gayandinvisible.blogspot.com/2013/11/mail-anonymous-guy-who-is-despondent.html

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