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Friday, 5 October 2012

Antidepressants and a Lowered Sex Drive

A few days ago, it was my second visit to the shrink's office. I started seeing him at my family's insistence because it really was time to get help and I desperately wanted to move on with my life. I've been putting this off because I didn't see how it could help me. But I'm tired of being stagnant and depressed. I want to overcome my own subconscious.

Moments before the appointment, I'm never usually myself because I'm scared and nervous as hell. I mean how do you open up an emotional box of chaos containing everything that you are, in an enclosed room to a complete stranger? I find that so hard to do.

During my first visit, he did a test and confirmed that I am indeed depressed and needed to be on antidepressants. My logical thought was how can a simple pill like Prozac and Frisium change what I'm feeling? It doesn't make sense. The issues that I'm going through are internal and the root of the problem is still going to be there until I find a way to resolve it.

Apparently antidepressants regulate certain chemicals in our brain or body that aides the better control of our emotions and thoughts by uplifting our spirits. So we don't feel so low and defeated. But then again who am I to contradict the shrink, so I acquiesced.

One of the conspicuous side effects I felt after being on antidepressants for a full week was a lowered sex drive. For the first time, I felt a refreshing break from constantly feeling overwhelmingly sexually frustrated. Because even though I still think about sex all the time, but there was no consuming urge to act on those feelings or touch myself all the timeWhich could partially be the logical explanation why I was less emotionally affected by these guys during my week's visit to the neighbouring city.

It was embarrassing having to admit that to him. But the doctor smiled and asked if the temporary loss of sex drive was something I worry about? I said it can be good and it can be bad depending on how you look at it. For starters, it could be a good distraction for me to focus on other problems without having to feel sexually frustrated all the time. 

I remember asking him if this depression thing is all in my head. I had no idea how did I or how could I have allowed myself to fall into a mental state like this? Is it because I'm an emotionally weak person who can't handle life? But to say that I am not strong, would also be an unfair statement to my existence because if I truly wasn't internally strong and determined, I would not have overcame a lot of issues that were thrown my way and grew into this person sitting right here.

How do I prevent something like this from happening again in the future? From a doctor's point of view, do you think that there is a possibility that I actually brought this whole thing upon myself? That I'm responsible for "inventing" the state of mind that I'm in? And that I'm just a weak soul who couldn't figure out how to get out of this on my own

He reassured me that I did not bring this upon myself and that getting out of depression is a gradual process that takes effort and time. He told me to stop roping in the past and the future for now and just focus on the present. I find that very true. But deep down inside, I too know that at the end of the day, it still boils down to my internal self. I am the one who will be responsible for wanting to be stronger in order to turn my own life around.


  1. I have sympathies with you, I really do, although I was depressed in my younger days I'll not say I know what you're going through because I haven't a clue. Depression may manifest itself in pretty much the same way, the reasons for it however are deeply personal and so different a coach load of Vietnamese children for Brad and Angie to adopt could park between them and we'd never notice.

    For me the biggest battle was going to the doc in the first place, after that it was pretty smooth sailing and whilst it took some time, it was pretty easy after that.

    My doc told me, 'just because it is in your head, doesn't make it any less real than any other illness' I've always remembered that and it helps! Good luck.

    *waves from Brighton*

    1. Hey Jason, thanks for always stopping by. I don't think it's anything too big or too serious. Just gotta learn how to be smarter and figure out a way around myself.

  2. I am really glad to read I am not the only one feeling like this. I really think it is frustrating when one is the barrier to progress or to have a happier life.
    When I was in my earlier 20s I was really concerned about not meeting anyone, being lonely and die virgin since i used to live in a very conservative country and i was afraid of coming out. Nevertheless, I wasn't depress, I had studied in the hardest to get in high school and later in a top university and had really good grades, so I felt sex was the only part left for me to uncover, but there was time to do that later.
    Then I had a girl friend, afterwards I went to new york for a month (vacations) and while clubbing i would be kissed by guys, and that actually boosted my self steam.
    When back I met my ex and we where together for 5 years.
    Then I moved to japan, and everything just collapsed. I hated it, and i became sexually frustrated and depressed. Now I have no real sexual drive, but I feel so alone that i wish i could find a boyfriend, but that sounds impossible, since I hate the sex I've had here (although I am very average in bed, I feel people here is so boring, and actually they kill my sex drive, or they reject me or whatever, it is horrible!!).
    I went to the psychologist, and gradually started opening up (and in japanese, which is hard to do) he prescribed me with escilopram. No real difference, my problem cannot be solved with medicines. I kept visiting my doctor, and as i started telling him about my sexual life (before i only talked about my social and work life), his face changed and i felt so judged, he actually stopped listening and interrupted me saying "you must keep your medicine".

    I thought that was rude and it means he is not the right psychologist, so i am not visiting him anymore.
    I really feel lonely and powerless, like i cannot control my life anymore, and that frustrates me further. I wish I could get out of this country right away, but I cannot....

    I am sure you are going to do much better once you meet someone and settle down, then you will have time to think throughly of what you have gone through. And, believe me, a good attitude makes the difference, though is hard to keep it too long when you are depressed, so lets keep it up together.

    1. I completely understand the part about therapists and doctors not fully connecting or comprehending the situation of their clients. It happens a lot so I think maybe you'll need to find somebody else who can discuss these issues with you, honestly and impartially without their own personal judgements.

      Let's just keep it together. I have faith that things will improve for the better.

  3. Hey there,

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