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Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Crossing Paths With a Hot Surgeon

During my stay in this city, I noticed another tall European guy in the hostel amongst the previously mentioned guys. For some reason, they were all solo travellers who came from the same country by coincidence.

This particular guy F, had a certain quiet air around him I find subtly attractive. Somehow I didn't bother to exchange words until we happened to be brushing our teeth using the sinks next to each other one morning. I asked him how his previous day with the other guys from the hostel went and he responded in a very laid back way I find so appealing.

After a tiring day of errands, I came back to the hostel that evening and found him sitting quietly alone in the lounge. I decided to engage him in a chat and were later joined by one of the guys from my room, M. However, the conversation with F wasn't as engaging as how I'd thought it would be. He seemed pretty tired, reserved and distracted. In fact, his comments and facial expressions on certain topics of our conversation, gave me an instinctive impression that he might not be the nice guy-next-door kind of guy I imagined he'd be. 

There were subtle hints of effeminacy in his body language which gave me "ideas", until he shattered them by mentioning his on-and-off girlfriend. How unfair that he's straight! Nevertheless, I couldn't keep my attention off him throughout the whole sitting. "Yes, I would like him as a boyfriend. He's kind of attractive. And hot."

We were all guessing each other's age and for a guy in his early thirties, F looks extremely youthful. If he deducted 5 or 8 years from the real number, I would still believe him. However, he was very surprised, if not impressed when I revealed mine because he said I seemed very mature in my thinking and highly sophisticated for a guy who's only my age.

I said thank you and smiled silently on the inside thinking: "How nice that it came from him, but I wish some guy could see that." M and I continued chatting for another hour when left us for bed. I could imagine him lying down on his mattress and falling asleep. "Cut it out!"

Next morning at the breakfast table, I chose the vacant seat right next to F along with M and some other travellers. We chatted over cereals and bread, but it wasn't until everybody finished and left the table that F and I started venturing deeper into our exchange. We were the only 2 guys left and he seemed pretty conversational with me this morning, which was nice. Maybe he's in a better mood or he just needed time to warm up?

Seated directly beside him has allowed me to inspect this beautiful guy up close. The proximity between us was intimidating in an exciting way. I could feel this indescribable vibe radiating off him I find so mysteriously attractive. What is it about him? His slightly tanned skin, perfectly proportioned height, long legs, blonde hair, appetising arms and youthfully chiseled face. His captivating gaze, those green eyes, made me realise just how unfair and physically blessed some people are.

"So what is it that you do back home when you're not travelling?"

He: [Looking into my eyes that made 3 seconds felt like 6 and went] 
"Doctor. I'm a surgeon."

There was a moment of unexpected silence from me as his green-eyed gaze continued to pin me down to my seat. There was an inflation in my heart and I fell even more in love with him. I was speechless.

[In My Head]
"Wow. I did not see that coming. Who could have thought?" 
"Him. An attractive cute guy AND a surgeon?"
"He's a killer catch."

So my indescribable fascination and attraction towards him from the beginning was real. There really was something about him and he is now in fact, so much more than what I originally imagined him to be. He's a killer catch! "What are the chances of his 'on-and-off girlfriend' actually be a boyfriend?"

We spent the next 45 minutes talking about his life experiences, his job and his specialisation. He talks so securely and so passionately about the fulfilment he gets from healing people that it makes my heart race. I asked him all about medical school, his first surgery and his journey of becoming a qualified surgeon.

My sense of admiration and respect for him as a person, grew exponentially when he talked about his tenacity for medical diagnosis and trauma surgery. About why he wanted to be a doctor, and that compassion and empathy is who he is, an innate quality he brings personally with him to the operating table. 

He laughs occasionally at my comments and I find that reaction so amusing. "An attractive cute guy like him, a surgeon, sharing an enjoyable conversation with me and laughing. Not bad. Maybe I wasn't as uninteresting as I'd thought I was. Maybe there is sophistication in me." I felt a slight raise to my confidence level and self-esteem.

The saying goes "life is what you make out of it". I sat there thinking to myself: "This guy right here, sitting beside me, has practically conquered and swept the lottery of life in its entirety. He is the living epitome of everything I hoped I'd be in a perfect world. Physically beautiful, straight, highly competent and successful with a soulful character. He's achieved so much." 

"So what's gonna happen to me? What will I be living for and how's my story going to turn out?" 

Meeting guys like him and M, does make me ponder about my very own destiny and the circumstances of where I've actually been put to stand in life. It's real, it's happening and it's reality. It also made me realise that regardless of my insecurities and sense of inadequacy, I will have to strive and work four times as hard on myself to move on with my life and to find my own fulfilling achievements. There's just no other way or excuse.

The exchange between us was so enjoyable and I loved every minute of it. I didn't want it to end, knowing very well that it was going to be one of those encounters where we meet somebody and don't see them again for a long time. That the chances of us sharing a moment like this again in the future is infinitesimal.

But unfortunately, it really was time to go and he finally left the table. Throughout my journey home, I couldn't get him out of my head. Meeting these European guys and connecting with them, reminds me enormously of where my heart actually wants to be and how much I truly miss living and being there.

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