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Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Keeping Count Of My European Guys

I'm back in this neighbouring city and staying in the same hostel where I last experienced gay irrationality. I was a little worried about what I was going to encounter this time, but I told myself: "Get used to it. It's the only way you're ever going to learn how to numb yourself and just move on."

European Guy M
After checking in, I met a European guy in my room. His name was M. There was something about him that kept my attention. He was extremely warm and pleasant looking, the first guy I initiated verbal contact with during my stay. He was very masculine, and had deep eyes that projected he was a good-guy. He's staying for a couple of nights and I knew immediately that we'll end up as cross-continental buddies. I can feel it. "Could we end up being more? Snap out of it!" 

Over the course of the next few days, we got along really well as we constantly chatted in between coming across each other. I discovered more about his life, his humour and his job of working in the financial and business field. I like him, a lot. He became even more appealing to me after our exchanges because he truly was an amazing guy, inside and out. He was extremely nice, kind, respectable, sentimental with an easy-going sense of humour and a good heart. He mentioned he has a nice girlfriend back home and I felt my realistic self went: "See? Not gay. That's normal. Of course he has a girlfriend. She's a lucky girl."

It wasn't until the final days of our stay were approaching that we frequently sat down together in the lounge and talked for hours. On the last day, while exchanging our final moments together, he said: "Now get over here and give me a hug!" When we finally hugged each other goodbye and he left the hostel before me, I instantly felt his absence. I don't know when we'll ever meet again, but it does feel very good knowing that extraordinary guys like him do exist in this world, even if they are straight and live very far away.

European Guy B
There was another European guy, scruffy and characteristically more reserved with tousled brown hair. He took the spot right next to M, and I too found him quite attractive as he reminded me so much of my senior crush from university. The way he moves and the way he looks. I made out with him in my head. It was slow, sensuous and it looked like a scene from a movie. He kissed good too, and I think his hair felt amazing.

European Guy S
While I was sitting in the common area, another European guy walked past me and gave me a nod. He was sex hot. I tried not to feel anything but then I found myself thinking: "Damn it. There's a nice-hot-guy who nodded at me. Okay. Let it go, let it go. Stop thinking about it. I wonder where he's from?"

After deciding not to think about anything else, I somehow bumped into him a few hours later in the kitchen by chance and we started chatting while rehydrating ourselves with water. He was humourous, enthusiastic, friendly and outgoing. He was also sweating under the humidity and heat of this city. Damn, he was very lean and very well built. He was sexy, with an extremely masculine face. Definitely straight. Throughout our conversation, my eyes glided on his face, through his neat stubble, to his shoulders, his chest, his perfectly tanned skin and his arms before focusing on those luscious lips. "Man, I want to kiss those lips. I want to have sex. But nothing's going to happen."

The weird thing was all 3 guys happened to be staying in the same room as mine. It was nice because everybody was just so open and friendly towards each other. To the point where they would sometimes go on outings together and even casually invite me along. Making new friends and hanging out with nice guys is something I've always enjoyed whenever I travel. Not falling for them or having false fantasies on the other hand, is something I have to learn.

Right this moment, I'm working on numbing myself. The invisible gay guy in me is regulating the extend of my social activities because I have not in fact gotten my guy fever emotions under control. Past experiences have proven that eventually, I would start developing infatuation for these straight guys, which usually leads to sexual frustration that is pointless and unhealthy. I'd rather maintain some distance sometimes to protect myself as I try to learn how to live with it.

The street on the other hand as usual, is filled with hot guys that never fails to ignite my sense of inadequacy and frustration for sex. But I'd say it's getting better this time.

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful observations, well crafted. I love it when we first meet strangers who then on become friends. Or as you've described here, strangers that will have an impact on you long after they are away from your life.