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Thursday, 25 September 2014

The Second Harsh Rejection At The Coffee House

Think I might be having a tough two days. So there I was again today at the coffee house, minding my business and trying to get some work done when a really cute guy with skinhead haircut walks in. My inner vampire was awakened and I smell blood. Metaphorically speaking of course.

The guy possesses the looks of a country boy from the South of France, very Mediterranean, complete with a good-looking stubble to match. And even though we didn't play eye-contact, but I could feel that we were both aware of each other's presence in the room via this indescribable energy in the energetically charged air. Gay instincts?

He was seated three steps away at a table directly in front of me, eating his Croissant. I tried to get him to look at me directly in the eye, but I got a sense that he deliberately doesn't want to. I decided to turn on Grindr and spotted his profile next to mine. Yes!! Thank-YOU Jesus! 

His pseudo was an Italian flag so my Mediterranean theory was right. I smiled excitedly at myself, thinking about all the possibilities that can happen when I go talk to him, and also about my sense of achievement in being able to sniff out the gay molecules in the energetically charged atmosphere.

After having learnt my lesson from yesterday's incident, I really wasn't in the mood to put myself through another walk-up again. So I decided to message him on Grindr and observe his reaction. Maybe he'll respond better that way.

He checked his phone the first time, then put it back into his pocket as if nothing happened. Then I sent a second text asking if he was in the same coffee house. I made sure that throughout the entire time, I kept a big warm smile on my face and tried to gauge if he will look my way from opposite the table without being too obvious.

Once again, he checked his phone and put it down on the table. I waited for a minute before firing up Grindr again to see if he responded. And guess what? My chat thread with him was gone and his profile completely disappeared. It was as if he never existed.

He blocked me! Right in front of me nevertheless without even as much as a look! I was in shock. The cute guy has spoken and has chosen to block me. In my naive defense, I really thought that this encounter was going to go well and I was going to end up talking to him. But unfortunately, he chose a very ruthless and down right mean route. 

Initially when I realised what happened, I was fine and didn't feel anything. But gradually over the next few minutes as I analysed more of what just happened, I really didn't know whether to feel angry, hurt or sad. The thing is blocking or being blocked is not a foreign concept in the abrupt gay world, and I've definitely learnt how not to take it personally. But for some reason this time, maybe because it happened right in front of my eyes, I can't help but wonder if it was me who isn't good enough for the guys I'm interested in.


  1. I think there are guys who are on things like Grindr halfheartedly. They are gay but (semi)closeted, fascinated, inexperienced, and maybe afraid to actually do anything. There's someone I follow on Twitter who''ll occasionally post screen caps of Grindr convos in which someone expresses interest, and his response is almost immediate rejection.

    It may have been your bad luck to meet two of them in as many days. They probably would have turned you down if you hadn't both been in the same place.

    1. I think this rejection was meant to happen. Looking back, I am glad that it did because it will fuel my future approaches.

  2. Maybe it's just me...but if a guy was interested in me, I would be much more receptive of his advances if he spoke to me, rather than trying to get my attention through an app. Even if he was shy and fumbled over his words, I would find his courageous attempt charming, and I'd probably end up being the one fumbling over my words...

    1. I thought my courage was going to be, for lack of a better word, "rewarded" so to speak. But it was a good experience because it gave me material to write. Hahaha.

  3. Don't take this really is no big deal. One question I have is did he ever actually look at you? If someone hit me up on Grindr in the same coffeehouse I'd at least look around. Do you have a face pic on there so he knew who you were? You didn't mention if he actually looked at you or ever made eye contact.

    I agree it's better to approach someone directly. But it seems you are a shy guy, so I understand why you did it on grindr.

    1. Nope he didn't. I think he noticed I was looking at him but he tried very hard not to reciprocate or show me that he was interested. But being the stubborn and determined person that I am, I thought I had my strategies worked out. Anyway, what I learnt from this experience is that different people react differently and I cannot expect the "fantasised scenario" to play out all the time.