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Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Saturday Sex Date And Visit To The Gay Club | ❷

Surprisingly that night, I was not nervous at all in comparison to the first few times back in 2012 when I was coming-out and trying hard to find my way around. The time was about 11pm when I am standing at the club entrance and showing my ID to the bouncer.

I padded myself with lots of mental bubble wrap as I walked in and toughen up for the darts of eyes that were coming at my direction. I headed first to the bathroom to relieve myself, then to the bar to order a drink. The hot bartenders were certainly very charming and an attraction in itself within the club.

Throughout the entire time I wandered around the space that was slowly turning into a club, I faked my confidence and moved with my head up high in order to play the part of a seemingly confident attractive guy. Call it the Law of Attraction, acting or role play, that was my strategy.

I can never articulate the feeling of being in a gay club alone. It's a mixture of positive excitement and independence, but at the same time it also engenders great feelings of loneliness, nervousness and the perception of being an outcast.

I stood by the corner with my drink and waited for myself to warm up. Then, a very much older guy walked right in front of me and looked into my eyes. I really wasn't in anyway interested, but unfortunately it was already too late because I coincidentally looked back into his. He stopped right in front of me and chatted me up while complimenting my tie as an opening line. Out of not wanting to be rude, I answered him but kept my distance while exuding obvious signals of disinterest. He went away after a light chat.

The interesting thing about being alone in a club, is that one can easily spot other single patrons who too didn't come with a crowd. I pulled out my courage and started chatting with this tall lonely guy behind me. He is a medical student from Manchester who is in town for some sort of academic exchange. I wasn't physically attracted to him, but it definitely felt good being able to talk to finally someone.

As we conversed, my eyes were still on the look out for other guys that I might be interested in. It was then that I started to notice something about this guy in front of us even though his attention was towards the stage up front and his back was facing us. I thought he looked good from the back, and also felt this very strong vibe that he might have noticed me and shot me side way glances too when I wasn't looking. However, I wasn't sure and couldn't confirm.

So I kept my eye on him and my instincts were just telling me that we noticed each other. Soon the drag show started and everybody was just trying to find a standing spot where they could see the stage. I personally am not a fan of drag shows, but I had no choice as there was really nothing else to distract myself with. The guy from Manchester and I moved forward to try and get a good view of the stage. 

That was when I deliberately tried to position myself next to my targeted hot guy with a little subtle acting while stealing glances at him. He wasn't alone as he had come with a female friend and another gay friend. However, the other gay guy left so it was just him and the girl. With the music and the glitter-filled performance, it was just impossible for me to try and chat him up so I waited for the act to be done. 

Then the awkwardness kicked in. With no more performances and nothing else to serve the dilly-dallying excuse, I finally turned and forced myself to say something to him with a big open-hearted smile masked in very thick skin. "So do you come here often?" He lives in a city up north and has been back in Australia for about a week between career stints. He is a teacher.

The chat took up a lot of effort on my part because this is not like any other meet-up where I can take my time and all the personality I have to get to know someone. With this setting, I knew I had a limited amount of time to foster a good strong rapport and get his number. We hit it off and the more I talk to him, the more I want to make out with this attractive guy in private. He smells great too.

Finally after a big effort on my part, I managed to talk my way into getting his number and personally made sure that our phones were working. That was my number one priority and also insurance for the unexpected catch that came my way.

After much flirting and a lot of back and forth talking, I reached out my hand and confidently introduced myself to the straight girl he came with. It is a well known strategy that if you want your date to like you or see you in a more attractive light, you need to work your magic on his friends who are present and use them to help you win.

There is a wonderful public relations saying by S. H. Simmons that goes: "If a young man tells his date how handsome, smart and successful he is – that’s advertising. If the young man tells his date she’s intelligent, looks lovely, and is a great conversationalist, he’s saying the right things to the right person and that’s marketing. If someone else tells the young woman how handsome, smart and successful her date is – that’s PR.” 

So I started speaking to the girl confidently and interestingly. I wasn't even the least bit intimidated because number one, I am confident of my personality when it is in the right fire and secondly, she is not the one I was trying to impress. 

Gradually, we discovered that she was French and we hit it off even more as I attempted to demonstrate my intermediate skill of the language. She was impressed and her enthusiasm was helping me gain points in the eyes of her attractive guy friend. It's working!

For the next few minutes while the French girl and I talked, I could feel that switch in the attractive teacher's energy with regard to my desirability. I'm telling you, this works and the female friend was really rooting for him to get to know me more. 

Then, just when I thought they were going to stay and the three of us might end up having a good time, they had plans to leave for another club before the 1.30am lock down starts. This lock down in Australia forbids anybody from going into a club or re-entering it after that time. 

They both insisted that I went with them and was very persistent. However, entry into that club wasn't free and I was actually planning on going home and getting myself to bed by maybe 2am. In this aspect, I'm a little stubborn and uptight about going with the flow. Sometimes I can, but most often when it concerns going out all night and hopping from club to club, I just can't keep up and get really bored easily.

So the new guy and his female friend was a little disappointed that I won't be joining them and spent the next five minutes persuading me to go along. Even to the extend of wanting to pay for me so that I can go with them, for which I graciously turned down.

After a while, it was agreed that they both will move on to the next club and I wasn't going with them. I told the attractive teacher that we should contact each other tomorrow and get together sometime over the next few days. He was very happy with the idea.

As I reached out to hug him goodbye, he made a gentle move and kissed me on my lips that made me hover for a few seconds. Jesus Christ what a tease! It was an unfair taste of heaven that I am more than excited to pursue another time in private.

After they left, I got a text from the Italian engineer telling me that he is seated alone at the bar. I went over to join him for about 20 minutes before he too decided to move on to the next club because the current one we were in wasn't happening enough. I stayed on and tried to see if anything else comes my way.

I loitered around on my own in the club for another dying 30 minutes before finally walking out to catch a taxi back to the apartment. During the ride home, the taxi driver and I chatted casually. I think the fact that he just picked me up from a popular gay street has prompted him to ask: "Are you gay?" 

"Am I gay? Yes I am sir", I answered truthfully with a smile unfazed, so at peace with my sexuality. I wondered at that moment too if I could provide the same answer and still not have to feel any sense of shame to a complete stranger or taxi driver back home. 

As soon as I let myself into the apartment and smelled the scent of the home I have here, I was so glad to be climbing into the shower. And even though the time on my watch was only 2.14am, I was very happy to change into my pajamas and chill on the inflatable bed.

That night before falling asleep, I still wanted to keep the momentum going. So I texted the attractive teacher a message implying that I just can't wait to see him. He replies: "I look forward to it. The next kiss will be much better, I promise."

My heart soared in anticipation at the last part. Then on Monday, I reached out to him to see when we can meet and he was leaving town to go back to a city up north. No! I kicked myself so hard i. disappointment for not going along with the flow on Saturday and leaving with him. Now the chance to get together is gone and there was nothing I can do except accept it as part of whatever it is the universe was trying to teach me. Lesson learnt kids, next time whenever a guy tells you to hop on over to another bar, you hop on over to another bar.


  1. Or... You delight in the fact that in a very short amount of time a complete stranger made you wonder at possibilities and you look forward to the many more to come cause those fleeting connections are so damn cool. And when it extends to longer, sustained connections without you compromising who you are... Even better.

    I remember partying with a bunch of strangers I just met til 4am in London and then waking up at 7 or 8 to go sightseeing. Now, I'm lucky if I don't throw in the towel by 10. And I'm completely fine with that. Ha!

  2. I am very familiar with blown opportunities at sex venues that I can never get back.

    I am not in any way trying to put down sex clubs, they can be lots of fun, but my partner and I met outside the gay venue. I know quite a few others with the same story.

    The gay scene is great for casual sex. Not saying that there is anything wrong with casual sex as long as it is safe sex. But as far as finding a partner, it does not often work.

    Do you have some interest that you are passionate about? Politics, sports, whatever? I met my partner because we have a common interest in weather. Then we found out we both were into golf and we started playing lots of golf. It is a slow sport, so there is plenty of time to talk during a 5 hour round.

    If you are hoping to find lasting love and not just casual sex, I could be on to something. Once you become good friends, a few extra pounds or physical imperfections becomes far less important.