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Friday, 14 February 2014

Some Thoughts On Valentine's Day 2014

Today, I was asked by an acquaintance from Jack'd if I was meeting anyone on Valentine's Day. I told him that although Valentine's Day was never specifically marked in my calendar, but I do hope to one day meet a guy where every day would feel like Valentine's Day. Someone whom I will never tire of seeing and making love to.

As a twenty over year old who has never celebrated a single February 14 in his life, I am often curious about my fate and awkward relationship with this commemorative day. Will it be any different 5 years down the road? Will I finally be with someone? Will I be open to embracing the traditions, the clichés, the gifts, the chocolates, the candles, the decorations and the hearts?

Or I think the more important reality check here would be, why would those things come to mind when you've never actually had a real boyfriend? 

Throughout my years of growing upValentine's Day to me was heavily regarded by default as a celebration of love, courtship and romance that was only possible and "okay" between a guy and a girl. Homosexual crushes and hopes of love with another guy were unthinkable.

Those thoughts are to be dispelled as blasphemous, scandalous secrets you take with you to your grave, and because of that, I've psychologically ostracised myself in my own head at a young age. I was confronted with the reality of what it means to have overwhelming emotions and desires that I did not ask for.

On top of being different, my life was very much brought up in a societal culture that thrives strongly on religiosity, cultural traditions and old school practices. To some indirect extend, I think the picture perfect community and futuristic good citizen was heavily indoctrinated, which gave rise to the unworthiness that came with being myself.

Furthermore, my mother and father were two very distinct strangers living under one roof. When the family unit seceded into single-parenthood in 1998, I didn't think it'd affect me in any way. Now however, I'm starting to backtrack that the issue might have unconsciously contributed to my awkwardness and lack of experience when it comes to partnership romance. It occurred to me that though I might possess great potential to love, but I've never gone through that practical résumé so to speak.

So reflecting on myself, I think I've come a long way from being the invisible outcast who didn't think that today could be applicable to me. But what I did learn about my own perception of Valentine's Day in terms of where I am now in life, is that I am capable of being a determined loving hopeful learning how to be happy on his own as a person, and at the same time, never giving up on the possibility of ever meeting that future Valentine.

If you're reading this, Happy Valentine's Day to you sincerely from my heart. Regardless if you're single, divorced, a non-believer, attached, broke, depressed, gay, black, Happy Valentine's Day! You might think that those sentiments may not be for you, but I'm telling you that they are. Claim it! My purpose of saying this is because I want readers who have stuck with me to know that I appreciate your love, and now I'm returning it in one of the simplest ways I know how.


  1. Same to you M. Just know you're not alone in these feelings.... Gay str8 male female.. Most of us have them for reasons not too dissimilar to yours. Happy Valentine's Day to you also!