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Monday, 22 December 2014

The Time I Got My Closure With The Aussie IT Manager

Remember the Aussie IT Manager from August? In brief, he was a character I first got in touch with on Jack'd and went out on two wonderful dates with. Once at the beach, the other in his apartment where we had fun.

Those two lovely days unexpectedly dug out some needy girl emotions in me where apart from going through that whole how-come-he-doesn't-call-or-respond routine despite him telling me not to feel like it was a hit and run, I started to come to terms with the possibility that this might actually be my turn in dealing with an unreliable guy who doesn't mean what he says.

For weeks, his lackadaisical behaviour and aloofness was certainly confusing to digest, which gave rise to my intuitive suspicion of his credibility. I couldn't help but wonder if these thoughts came up due to past experiences in witnessing these kind of characters show up in the form of people my friends and family members have dated or been with.

I've written about my frustration regarding him in this post and am aware to have demonstrated characteristics of being "a girl" about it. But despite it all, I remember did coming to the deduction that the best way sometimes to get over situations like this, is either through the passage of time, sleep over it(s) or sleep it off(s), or letting other positive experiences with new guys bury it. Those were the things I tried to get myself to do before the ensuing experiences with W over a period of a month gave me absolute closure.

Third Time We Met
About a week or two after that cold and rainy day where I felt sad, the IT Manager and I got back in touch, went through one more 'empty word' hurdle again before finally meeting for the third time at his apartment for fun. As usual, the session in bed with him was amazing. He even gave me a chance to try topping him, of which he said that I might actually be a "closeted top". I've never heard such a term before!

After the sex, I was looking for my pair of Calvins on the floor when we discovered that he might have accidentally put it into the washing machine together with the bed sheets we were rolling around in. Argh, damn it. I love that pair of underwear and now I'm not even sure if I'll ever see them again. It's so hard to even get W to respond to a meet, let alone ask him to pass it back on another occasion.

He insisted on lending me a fresh pair of undies even though I was more than okay to walk home without one due to the five minute distance we live from each other. Finally, I acquiesced. We were seated outside his living room, chatting and watching some television when I decided to ask him what has he been up to recently and he apologised for being, in his own words, unreliable. 

"Sometimes you just drift into your own bubble and you just don't want to speak to anyone", he said. Upon hearing that sentence, I felt as if I got the answer I needed in order to stay emotionally unattached from him. I was instantly aware that just like many other guys who are weird in our own ways, including me, he might be going through some personal issues or stuff that consumes them that we don't see.

He lives in a two bedroom apartment, of which one of them is rented out to this other gay flatmate who he claims the relationship is purely formal and non sexual. The rule of the house is that nobody is supposed to bring any sex dates home. But the IT Manager himself tends to break that rule because he is the owner of the place. I asked him if me being there was all right and he said it's fine.

Suddenly, the main door opens and the flatmate who was supposed to be at work came home unexpectedly. Awkwardness soon ensued between everybody in the apartment and I could feel as if every furniture and kitchen cabinet in the room was turning into frost. The flatmate who was perfectly man on the outside, I swear, was speaking in the voice of a woman. To make sure I wasn't hallucinating, I listened and observed intently like a hawk. Yup, nothing wrong with my hearing. Jesus, that is just freaky. Am I missing something here?

The flatmate was cool about the situation, but to counteract the awkward conversation between the guys, I walked up to them and made a friendly initiative to introduce myself, shot some breeze and intuitively decided to cut short my stay, leaving the residents to sort things out among themselves should there be any.

Fourth Time We Met
Two weeks after the third time we saw each other, I met him again for the fourth. Before the fun began, I passed him the underwear he lent me from the last time, freshly cleaned and nicely folded in a paper bag. He set out to find my pair of Calvins, only to pause for a moment in contemplation, lifted up his shirt to check and asked me if the one he had on was mine. I saw the band and said yeah. "Shit", he uttered. He took it off and apologised while I reassured him that everything is fine and I will accept it in the manner he was going to give it back. When I got home, I left the underwear in the laundry basket.

Fifth Time I Bumped Into Him and "The Roommate"
One more thing I should point out before I continue the story. Within the same week that I first met the IT Manager, I was kinda shocked to learn that there is actually a third character living in the same apartment known as the roommate. I know. It does sound like a horror movie, "the roommate". 

Initially I was a little confused and thought that the current flatmate was the "roommate", until it struck me that that isn't the case, and that he actually shares his room with another Hornet candidate from the area that kinda looks like me. His name was S and he was on a working holiday visa.

At first, the revelation bothered me because firstly, the idea that he chooses to be with another guy who could be another version of myself, made it all a bigger blow to my insecurity, and secondly, the thought that he might be playing games is sinking in fast. 

Later on, at the determination of wanting to be a grown adult, I realised that as long as I do my part in protecting my own heart, I have no business knowing what arrangements he has with other people. I am responsible for my own life. Period.

He even asked me at that point if I was interested in a threesome with "the roommate" because "the roommate" was keen. I obviously declined with dignity. I felt the reality of who I thought I was to him, faded away in a blink. I have to confess, I was a little bruised but it was a good wake up call for me to realise that I need to handle him as nothing more than just a fuck buddy.

One Saturday evening, I found myself dateless and restless. Everybody around me had their own plans so I had to entertain myself. The neighbourhood of Surry Hills was having their annual festival at the Shannon Reserve right across from the constantly crowded Gelato Messina and I decided to go take a look. I was really in the mood to feel good so I dressed up casual smart with a black tie.

However upon arrival, the festival was already in the process of wrapping up so I took a walk instead. As I was nearing the intersection towards Oxford Street, I caught sight of the IT Manager and his roommate walking hand in hand towards my direction on the same pavement. I didn't know why, but my heart dropped. I guess hearing something and seeing something with your own eyes can make a huge difference.

I only had a few seconds to decide if I was going to avoid awkwardness, or stay on the same path with my head up high. I chose the latter in which he, who I had a very strong feeling wanted to avoid the awkwardness too, but realised that we saw each other and it was too late. Oh God, the roommate look like another version of me.

Upon seeing me, he instantly let go of his roommate's hand. "Hey", I said. "Hey!", he replied enthusiastically as if nothing was going on. We shot the breeze awkwardly for a bit before I extended my hand out and shook his roommate's. "Hello. You must be X, nice to meet you", I said warmly and kept it strictly to that. The roommate was completely clueless as to what was going on and was lost. I'm guessing he too was having a weird time digesting the awkward situation happening in front. Who is this guy?

"Nice tie", the IT Manager complimented as he reached out to touch the tie. I wondered at that moment: "What is the deal between him and his roommate? Are they dating? Is there some kind of arrangement? Why would the IT Manager flirt so obviously in front of the roommate? Is the roommate himself being played? Does he wonder about life the way I do?"

As quickly as we bumped into each other, the three of us went on our way. I really can't explain this, but my deep sense of intuition can somehow read formless emotions and energy very well. I was certain that the IT Manager himself felt awkward and also in a way, dreaded that two minute of exchange even though he played the role convincingly.

During the rest of the evening, I was affected. I was suddenly a little depressed and dissatisfied.
It's not that I am in love with the IT Manager or anything, but I think I might have been a little jealous. I felt as if my ego got the slap it needed to wake up and be smart about things. The thing that still kills me was the fact that his roommate was another physical version of myself, and we are all replaceable.

Soon after, I tried to get myself to be grateful for what happened. Because I realised that this might be the universe's way of speaking to me, trying to get me to see the potential trouble and mess that I will be getting into if I let myself fall for this guy. 

Sixth Time We Met
After the last incident where I bumped into the IT Manager and "his roommate" on the street, I had a discussion with my investment banker friend regarding the matter. I told him I wasn't sure if I might have ruined a courtship or whatever it is that was going on between the IT Manager and his roommate by introducing myself spontaneously. I told him about me feeling insecure and inadequate due to how alike "the roommate" and I looked.

He mentioned that maybe I might have acted in a spur of anxious emotions, and that maybe I shouldn't have burst out introducing myself to the roommate on the street. For it sounded, in his own words, a little too "in his face". On one hand, I could see the reasoning behind his justification, but on the other, I felt that being warm and outspoken was one of the best moves I have ever made to diffuse the awkwardness and kept my dignity.

Since that night, I never made anymore contact. I was ready to silently move on when I received a surprising text message with his name on the display screen the next day.

    "Oh my God, what a surprise. Does he feel funny? Guilty?", I hear my ego questioned.
    "Jesus Christ. Get over yourself please!", shouts the inner voice and I calmed down.

I read the casual text, which apart from asking me bits of how was last night and telling me his roommate thought I was cute, says that he found another pair of Calvins in his home that wasn't his size and asked to verify if the one he returned to me the other day was the right one. I went to the clean pile of clothes and reconfirmed his suspicion that he might have returned the wrong one.

The next day, we made an appointment to meet up at a local coffee shop two minutes away from our apartments. Things were as normal as they can be. It was as if that awkward moment on the street two days before didn't happen. I have to admit that re-exchanging our Calvins over the table had its thrill as well as its surreptitious moments. I laughed inwardly at myself for the interesting situations that tend to come my way and embraced the originality of what could be the feeling tone of my life.

I don't know about him, but as for me, I was perfectly at peace and never once talked about that awkward encounter on the street few days back. I think I may have found the clarity I needed to handle my relationship with him as nothing more than a fuck buddy or foreign acquaintance.

Him and I chatted for a bit over a cup of coffee. I couldn't help but wonder if its because he knew I was leaving for Victoria the next day and was in a sentimental mood. The conversation was very enjoyable. In fact, I even told him about my recent rejection stories at Starbucks along with that Circular Quay toilet incident, for which he told me to write the experience down in a journal and "cloud" it for protection against physical circumstances. It doesn't have to be detailed, a couple of sentences or words to remember the day by. I smiled secretly on the inside thinking about Gay & Invisible.

Seventh and Final Time We Met
After almost three and a half weeks in Victoria, I came back to New South Wales for a couple of days before I was scheduled to head home. W did mention that he wanted to see me one last time upon my return. I didn't take him seriously until I found myself in bed with him again in October. He would say things like: "Damn. If you live in the same city, I'll date you. Hey if I'm gonna head over to your region, where do I find you? Which city?"

I remember having a moment in my head where I was trying to understand why is he saying all these things that probably don't carry any real meaning, and why was I still standing here in his company? Do we like each other or are we just products of sexual chemistry?

    "What are your plans for the afternoon?", he asked.
    "I was gonna go to the beach, but seeing as how the weather is grey and gloomy today, I might just head down to the city centre to walk around and buy some stuff."
    "Perfect. I'll drop you off. I'm headed across the bridge anyway for a work meeting so you can ride with me."
    "Oh no that's okay! No worries. I'm gonna take the bus."
    "No no. Come with me."
    "Uh, you sure? Wouldn't you be late for your appointment or something?", I asked out of concern.
    "Nah. It's cool."
    "Sure, I'll ride with you."

After a couple of minutes, he came back into the room and the following dialogue took place.

    "Hey I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be headed North across the bridge. The meeting has been moved to another location."
    "See, I told you not to worry about it. I'm perfectly okay with getting there on my own. Which was why I didn't want to ride with you in the first place. Trust me, it's okay", I said with a smile.

Anyway, here is the big thundering moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. The IT Manager usually leaves his phone lying around when we're in the apartment and most of the time, I can see snippets of his messages off the bright screen. 

So right after we had that conversation, his phone was on the bed and I accidentally saw from afar what was on his screen. It was a message thread between him and "the roommate". The top bubble said something like: "Sorry, I didn't pick up. Was in the middle of a work conference call. You finish?" And the second bubble read something like: "The weather is horrible. I'll come get you now." 

For those of you who still don't know what happened there, the IT Manager lied to "the roommate" in his first text bubble about being in a work conference call when he was actually in bed with me, and the second text bubble proved that he wasn't being honest with me about "the meeting moving to another location".

At that few particular heartbeats of my life, I swear, something inside me sparked alive and I have never experienced a more powerfully elated moment in myself just by reading a text message. 

It was as if somebody or something divine shot a bullet of clarity through my soul and I was in complete alignment with the cosmic infinity. I had goosebumps, and a tear developing in my right eye out of the life-changing sentiment of gratitude and enlightenment, all bouncing off each other at the same time.

The truth set me free and I said, never again will I try to pursue something that I know is not meant for me. Before I left his apartment the IT Manager insisted on sending me to the airport for my flight the next day which was really nice of him. 

Realising that I am done, and that I am really not interested in taking any more of what he would offer, I said a friend was going to drop me off and I told him to take care without an ounce of disrespect or resentment in my voice but filled with genuine regard because I really do have a soft spot for this guy. He probably has no idea what he taught me, but as long as I know, I will be able to listen to my own voice and save myself from a lot of unnecessary heartbreaks.


  1. The morals to this story:
    You need to keep better track of your underwear ;-P