While chatting to a virtual gay friend during my lunch break last week, he conveyed a brief moment of sadness. I asked what's bothering him and he said: "I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired of looking for guys."
"Gee, you feel that too?", goes my reply. Without sounding like an unkind person, I from that exchange on didn't quite feel so guilty any more about my obscure situation because I am now certain about not being the only crazy guy who goes through my emotions. That I am not the only one who feels depress at times for wanting to experience normal things that other regular guys and girls experience throughout the course of their life.
I think this common sentiment of ours as human beings on Earth, can sometimes be easily misunderstood as mere self-pity for not having somebody. For this is to a major extend a realistic side of life, a constant theme in which the American television series Sex & The City has been promoting for years. Whether it's the ups and downs on the search for love, companionship or unconditional validation from another being.
A friend once said to me that having someone to love and care for you as a true lover, is a completely different kind of need that no amount of friends can ever help you fill because it requires a different kind of person to take on the role of a romantic partner. I initially couldn't grasp that concept, but I now realised that she might be right. However I can't help but wonder, if the world's population hadn't promoted romantic partnerships as a way of life arranged by the natural order of the universe, would we or would I, be so aware of the effects of having nobody to hug? Would I still want the necessary excitement of experiencing what it feels like to kiss another person?
"It's sad. I mean how many times can you have fun? There'll come a point when we want a genuine relationship", in pops his message onto my screen as I took another sip of my drink.
Thinking about what he said, I recalled what many gay guys out there tend to account in regard to their experience and journey through life and love in the gay world. Is that when we're attached in a serious relationship, we yearn for the fun that comes with the itch of sleeping with other guys that are out there. However, when we finally are having fun going around, we long desperately for a familiar belonging, a partner or a lover to share a space with. "So what's it gonna be and how's it suppose to be for me? What am I looking for?"
These are just a couple of thoughts and theories that plagued my mind throughout the remaining afternoon at work after my conversation with this guy. Is it perfectly normal and okay for single souls in search of a sense of belonging to feel whatever it is that they are feeling? And should others in life tell them otherwise that it's self-pity for not having found love? Do people who still perceive this as nothing but self-pity, still have a lot to learn and understand about the complexities of a human heart beating on Earth?