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Saturday, 13 April 2013

Am I Truly Much More Significant Than My Container?

For as long as I can remember ever since my days of waiting around after school, I would come across reflective surfaces of myself and contemplate a million thoughts. It's a personal moment that I have come to live one too many times. There's no secret about my struggles with low-self esteem along with the ability to make peace with the way I look. 

The year is now 2013 and I would look at my reflection, realising however that I'm no longer my 17 year old self, but someone already halfway through his twenties, supposedly one's prime decade. "Shucks! Is this me? This is how I've looked and will continue to exude for life. Nothing is going to happen and nothing is going to change. That whole thinking-you-were-going-to-grow-into-something-you've-been-anticipating, just isn't going to materialise. Maybe you are not meant to live the destiny you thought you hoped you would. So, acceptance?"

As I pay more attention to checking out handsome guys, there were many times when it sunk in that there's really nothing I could do about myself. As I sigh in front of my reflection in the gents, my eyes would study my eyes, my face, my nose, my cheek, my hair and my body. Everything that I am. So this is it. What am I going to do about it?

And at the frontier of acceptance, I think I have now grown to tell myself: "You know what M, it could have been worse. It could, have been, worse." So where do we go from here? How can I get past this mental blockage in myself to look at the bigger picture of what will define me and my life? 

I remember coming across a television program in which a discussion panel brought up the subject of how we really all are just energy. Quantum physics suggest that life as it is, everything that we are and everything around us is energy. One of the principles of energy is that energy can never be created, never be destroyed, can only transmute from one form to another.

If earthly beings are just a huge ball of energy contained in a temporary form, then the body that we're in is the container that holds pure energy. The energy that is our spirit that seeks to express itself through us, to become more aware of oneself. And what controls the interdependent flow and exchange of energy is manifested in the form of speech, thought, movement, emotions etc.

When we die, this energy of ours, the spirit will be released in order for it to move on or transmute to another form, leaving the body as a mere physical container. I can't help but wonder if human beings are actually powerful forms of energy contained in different types of bottles. Coloured bottles, black bottles, exquisite bottles, dilapidated bottles, bottles without caps, bottles with dents, each however containing a spiritual being or energy of varying types and degrees.

I had a thought. Strip energy out of its containing medium and what's left is just pure energy that is us. And at the end of the day, the energy itself and the potential that it carries is what truly matters, hence the common saying of rising above superficiality. Once we realised that as true energy, we are actually not limited by our containers and are in fact bigger than what holds us, the possibilities of who we will become in life are now concretely endless. Therefore, the importance of remembering yourself as a spiritual being can separate oneself from the rest of the society.

So as someone who is not meant to find fulfilment in the container that I am in, how can I use myself as this pure energy, the spiritual being that is writing this and make up who I am, to live this life on Earth? I'm guessing that that might possibly be the closure I've been searching for and also the bigger picture that would give meaning to my life.

1 comment:

  1. Overreacting! I don't know you, never seen your body or face... But I doubt it as terrible as you feel. I know what you feel, since I've been depressed I know how it feels to look at the mirror and check every imperfection, the pores, the fat the roughness on the skin and the undesired shape of the face. But you know... it is not true what you see.

    I used to look at a mirror and feel so overwhelmed by what I saw, I am not 180cms (only 174), I don't have a perfect body (in fact I am over 15% body fat), and I would feel so overwhelmed by what I saw... so different from I would love to be. But that is bullshit, I realised that most people feel the same, so i stopped worrying and started to change my image. (My old boyfriend everytime he saw me sad because I had gained some fat, or because I wasnt developing muscles in spite of training a little, would send me picture of people with real deformities and not with dismophya, like us)

    Do you think most people become cute because they were blessed with perfect genes? Not at all, most people work pretty hard to look good. I go to the gym at least three times a week, run 8kms 4 times a week and I spend a lot of money in clothing that goes with my style. I am not really cute... I am normal as everyone else, but that doesn't mean i cannot do anything about it, since we are unique, look what is special in you make it the best.

    So I do work to look as descent as possible with my completely flawed body...