"If You Didn't Exist, It Would Be Necessary To Invent You"

While having dinner with some of my friends, the topic of charming guys came up and the girls immediately started giving their opinions. They talked about J, and mentioned that while he is indeed extremely good-looking, but in terms of charm and personality, he just doesn't have it. I find this very true to a certain extend.

Then, a friend of a friend came up as another example for the topic and apparently apart from his pleasant looks, he oozes charm. Again, so true! Whenever we hung out, I do find myself attractively drawn to him whenever he's around and socialising. There's just some kind of aura at play. The girls continued to explain that although they're always on the look out for physically attractive guys, but they always end up falling for the ones with charm regardless of looks.

All of a sudden, this conversation brought about a sense of positivity in me as it reminded me that although I may not look like a model, I do indeed have my charm. People have told me that I'm cute and that I actually possess a boyish charm. However, due to my own serious insecurities, I refuse to believe it. But yet somehow, when I reflect and analyse my life, I have always been pleasantly popular and particularly engaging amongst people due to my sophisticated personality. It's a charm that draws, and evokes a sense of respect and admiration from my peers and people, despite some of the downsides that sometimes come with it.

I remember one of the Italian girls in my circle once used an Italian expression and said to me: "Se non ci fossi, bisognerebbe inventarti."

After much translation, I went on to discover its true meaning.

Me:
"Alors, qu'est-ce que ça veut dire?"
(So, what does that mean?)

She:
"Si tu n'existais pas, il faudrait t'inventer."
(If you didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent you.)

In addition to it being one of the most beautiful compliments I've ever received, I was dumbfounded by the beauty of that phrase in which I will remember for life.

My self-loathing image issues magnified in tenfold when I recently came to terms with my sexuality and realised that physical attractiveness is the primordial element in which turns the gay wheel. This conversation however has no doubt reinstated a little hope and confidence in me, it gives me hope that I will be okay in life. Although I don't see how being gay and invisible is ever going to help me succeed, but I do hope the genuine substance that I am made of will be good enough for the cute guys out there who share the same sophistication.