10 Hours With a Backpacker From Germany | ❶

"You can tell your parents that you want to walk for 30 minutes alone in the town on the river, and then we meet for small talk", read the message on my Grindr.

It was an interesting couple of days back in my historical hometown. The time on my phone says 00:35 and here I am curled up in bed, getting ready to sleep when a nice looking blonde in the thumbnail I chatted up earlier wants to meet. I was torn between uncertainty, being lazy and possible regret if I don't respond to his invite.

The Voice In My Head:
Oh come on! This is what you've been anticipating when you packed your nice pair of Calvins, fresh cologne and condoms into your bag this afternoon. You had a 'feeling' that you were going to meet someone on this trip back. It's finally happening after three and a half-months of finding nothing and now you're going to turn him down for bed?

It all began when my mom convinced me and my brother to spend a couple of days together down south. I was enjoying my glass of house pour at a local pub when I fired up Grindr and decided to reach out to two attractive thumbnails. One belonged to a masculine British guy from London who ignored me, and the other was T, the guy from Germany who responded and called me handsome.

I could have pulled myself up to go meet this guy, but I took the risk of losing the interest of this potential candidate by proposing to re-liaise tomorrow. We chatted via an instant messaging app. As I lay in bed, regret started to crept its way into my guts and I wondered if I made the right decision.

The next day with luck still on my side, we finally arranged to meet for the first time by the river. I was a little nervous because I was walking towards something in which I have no absolute clue as to what it is I want out of this meet. Yes, a part of me wanted some fun. It's been three months since my failed attempt to bottom for a hot top, and I'm still not comfortable. 

As I spotted the rugged backpacker from afar while crossing the street, my worry came to a distracting halt and I felt excited.

Me: [handshake]
"Hi, my name is M. Nice to meet you. Have you waited long?"

Him: 
"Hi I'm T. Nice to meet you too. Oh just three minutes. It's nothing."

His breathtakingly turquoise irises were staring right back at me and I drowned for a moment in vulnerable insecurity, masked in intentional confidence. Well whad'ya know. Underneath that scruff and Timberland-inspired backpacking attire is an attractive guy who is kinda hot. That stubble-studded jaw, blonde hair, high cheekbones and cute accent. I wanted to kiss him on the lips.

At that point, I knew that if I fail to jettison all nerves and expectations out the window, I won't be able to function properly on a date. So we adjourned to an alfresco café by the riverside and sat down for a cup of coffee.

Gradually, I allowed the innate conversationalist in me to take over and we talked about a variety of topics, ranging from personal purposes to national culture, travelling to acting, spiritual growth to international relations. It was nice. I wonder what's going through his mind at the moment?

After our coffee, T told me he needed some time alone with his computer to search for a flight home, but suggested to meet again after he was done. I didn't mind the interruption at all because a guy on the road has to do what he's gotta to do. But at the back of my head, a protective voice was questioning: Are you sure that wasn't just him ending the date?

Knowing better than to let these self-destructive thoughts get to me, I decided to walk around town and take some pictures. It was nice and I got to enjoy two hours of sightseeing on my own. However at the same time, I was also constantly checking my phone like a lovesick teenager. His text finally came and my trust for him went up a bar. So he really did mean what he said.

In five minutes, we met up again and picked up from where we left off. One of the most memorable topics we discussed was about the art of acting. I've always been fascinated by the deep mechanics of putting yourself into a particular role or character. We talked about bloopers, corpsing, getting yelled at by the director, understanding film production etc

At one point, he grabbed me on my shoulder to stop us in our tracks and looked me in the eye to show me an example of how two people would act out a scene. God. It was one of the most intensely attractive moments I've come to experience with another guy. Oh boy, if we became boyfriends, can you imagine all the acting fun we will have?

Later on, I brought him into a local establishment to try some dessert. There, we talked more. After dessert, he suggested that we walk around and look for a nice place to have another cup of coffee. The time was already 4pm with signs of grey skies approaching. 

We walked past this place and he greeted two other fellow travellers who were sitting on the patio. I am not making this up, but I felt a certain vibe with the way they were looking at me. And suddenly, it hit me: "You are probably not the only guy they've seen him with. God knows how many types of us he's taken through this route". My insecurity took another damaging dip.

As we carried on walking, I could feel this impatient vibe growing between us. I don't know if it's him or if it was me. But I swear, my intuitions are never to be doubted sometimes. The voice in my head asked: Are we gonna have some fun later or am I 'feeling things'? Are we ready to engage in sex again?

Then, while checking out the cafés by the river which were all closed, the first subtle invitation from him happened. He stopped us in our tracks and casually asked: "Where do you want to go?" 

There it was. The subtle key question that was an invitation to some fun. But still, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go ahead. With the excuse that his message wasn't clear enough, I suggested that we continue walking in search of a suitable place to have our coffee.

We gallivanted for another 20 minutes or so and still no place came up. It came to a point where it was getting really obvious that the both of us were tired and losing our patience with the whole aimless wandering around.

Him: 
"Or we can go back to my place and hang out there?"

The Voice In My Head:
God. That's the cue happening already. What are we gonna say? Come on think!

Me:
"Er... Is there anything to drink at your place?"

Him:
"Well we can just stop by a convenient store and buy some chilled coffee."

I remained silent for about five seconds to find him watching me closely as I fumbled for an answer. It was awkward, but so seductively exciting at the same time.

Me:
"How far are we from your place? Does it take long?"

Him:
"Oh just 10 minutes by foot."

The Voice In My Head:
Come on, tick tock. Make a decision! Say yes you idiot. Say yes.

Me:
"Sure! We can go back to your place. Let's go!"

I stared right back into his ocean eyes as I uttered the last sentence and there it was again, that awkward but seductively thrilling sexual tension, accentuated by a lingering eye contact. It was hot. And I'm feeling a little dizzy.

We switched course and my heart rate shot up in nervousness. I could feel a mild panic attack happening inside. I was excited, I was scared, I was anxious. The image of me and him being physically naked with each other sent some signs of apprehension to my guts. 

The fact that both parties were aware of what we're about to do next and where this date is heading, makes the whole walking and talking a lot more awkward and harder to concentrate. I have done walks like these many times throughout the past 3 years of my journey and I never liked them. But I also know that this is just something that I need to get use to, and will get use to in time as I meet more people for sex.

We stopped by a convenient store along the way and he bought us some chilled drinks and chocolate bars. The same insecure thoughts about me being the 'numbered guy' crept up again as we were paying at the cashier.

After a further 5 minutes on foot, I suddenly found him leading me into an old familiar street that I used to spend my childhood running around with my cousins. We would cycle around, play tag, firecrackers and a whole range of other games. It's not a very elegant neighbourhood and I never thought I'd actually revisit this particular spot on this trip, but here we are.

Within the vicinity, there is this particular dodgy building that I always avoided. Little did I know that 10 years down the road, in the year 2014, I would actually enter this particular dilapidated 4-storey complex with an attractive guy from Germany. In addition to that, I would also be doing it from the shoes of a guy who is no longer fearful about his sexual attraction for men.

As he pulled out his keys to unlock the entrance into the building, he waved and exchanged a couple of words with the owner who was loitering outside. And just like before, it suddenly dawned on me how this whole scenario must have looked like from the owner's perspective, and that I am not the only 'friend du jour' who has followed T all the way back to his bedroom.

"We really are just like any other guy he meets for company and a fuck", the reality hit me for a moment and I felt a stab of disappointment. But the date has to go on and I needed to get real.

A lady with an old musical instrument, meager living conditions, dark storage spaces, unpleasant odours and plain interiors were a couple of things I witnessed while climbing the staircase to the highest floor.

The common area before his room sat a mother and a daughter. I acknowledged them with some form of gesture even though they shot me a certain 'friend du jour' look and there was that possibility of them knowing what T and I were up to. 

The temporary room he rented was made up of thinly partitioned walls, which is the only flimsy element separating the private space T and I were about to have some fun in with the rest of the residents on the floor.

In the room, there was a working table and a chair right next to his queen size bed. The bathroom was en-suite and the space quite large. I relaxed myself comfortably on the bed and him on the chair as we continued to chat with our chocolates and beverages. 

As we finish our snack and took sips of our drinks, the gap between our dialogues were starting to widen and the awkward silence was getting more conspicuous than ever. We both knew it was time to get down to business but neither parties were willing to make the next obvious move.

Me:
"What are you doing on the chair? Here. Come lie down with me."

He took a sip of his beverage, nodded his head and came to lie side by side with me on his bed. We continued to make small talk as our arms and legs gently rubbed against each other. His scruff and leg hair provided that extra tingling sensation. My blood simmered in excitement and in eroticism. He was tanned, athletic, charismatic and attractive. I think I love him!

The both of us finally ran out of things to say and laid there in uncomfortable silence. It was so obvious what we wanted and what is going to come next, but the flow was a little off. I took the initiative to massage and caress his athletic thighs with my fingers in an erotically loving way and he reciprocated. 

His scent was intoxicating. I can't quite put my finger on how to describe it, but it was very him. I turned and positioned my head near his chest to reach out for more, parking my chin on his right shoulder and my nose on his neck. I inhaled his heavenly scent. It was what I desperately needed after three months of finding no one. I revelled in the closeness and the inexplicable melodic peace that always seems to serenade my heart whenever I am in the arms of another guy. I wanted to stay like this and smell him forever.

[ To Be Continued... 10 Hours With a Backpacker From Germany | ❷ ]