10 Hours With a Backpacker From Germany | ❷

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I rubbed my face against his stubble-studded jaw and we finally kissed. It was what I wanted and what I dreamed of doing since coffee. However, the kissing didn't last very long due to my lack of flow and skill. I tried to get it right based on past experiences but that didn't help. We went back to cuddling and I laid there on his chest, fully clothed with my arms around him. 

The sound of our heartbeats and deep breathing bounced off the bed. Not knowing what he wants and what is coursing through his head intimidates me greatly. I really wanted to get down right naked and sweaty with this attractive guy, but my own fear and diffidence to full sex proved to be a self-conjured obstacle. 

[ Reminder: Sexual Content Ahead ]

At this point, I was worried on the inside as to how much I will disappoint again as an inexperienced person in sex. Why can't I get past myself and just go all out? I knew that talking and being honest is going to ruin the whole mood, but I couldn't take it anymore and fell for my own trap.

Me:
"Er... Are you okay with this?" 

Him: [confused]

Me:
"I mean do you like this? Being close and intimate with another guy?"

Him:
"Yeah! This is nice."

Me:
"So how do you want this evening to end?"

Him:
"I don't know. How about you?"

Me:
"What is your role?"

Him:
"I don't understand."

Me: [embarrassed]
"Are you top, bottom, versatile? What are you?"

Him:
"We did not talk about this before?"

Me:
"No we didn't. And trust me, if I knew I wouldn't ask again."

Him: [smiles]
"I'm top. You?"

The Voice In My Head: 
I don't know, help!

Me:
"Er... I relate to both. Haven't quite decided yet."

Him: [suspicious look]

Me:
"But I don't feel like going all the way today."

Him:
"It's okay. We don't have to do anything. This is nice and we can just lie here."

Me:

"Oh no. I mean I plan on us doing something for sure! It's just that the last time I bottomed for another guy it hurt, and I don't think I'm ready to go again. Unless you're highly skilled and can convince me otherwise. Are you good?" 

The Voice In My Head: [Cringe]

Him:

"Well I don't know. I'm the wrong person to ask. Maybe you need to ask the bottoms I've been with."

After a few more minutes of just laying there in awkward silence and small talk, I sensed that he was getting restless. So was I with a growing need to please this man whom I just spent a couple of hours with.

Me:

"Come. Let me suck you off."

Him:

"You want to do that?"

Me: [smile]

"Yeah."

He got up and walked over to the side of my bed. He stood steadily near my face with the protruding tent in his pants. My nose trailed his masculine scent in a circle around the bed. What an erection! At least he's turned on. So far so good.

I began by lifting his shirt and pressing my lips up against his bare abdomen, kissing him nicely but gently. I brushed the area around his navel and groin with my mouth. I kissed my way up and swirled my tongue around his sensitive nipples before diving right back down again to work on his crotch. 

T was losing his patience and couldn't bear the tease. So I finally unbuckled his pants and inhaled the first waft of his pleasant musk. The uncircumcised head of his erection was already spyhopping above the boxer waistband. Nice! I savoured every moment of foreplay like I always do before finally taking his smooth tip into my mouth. He moaned.

Gradually, our clothes started to come off and we were both completely naked. I greatly enjoyed the shape and design of his tool. It was arousing to look at and nice to play with. I carried on pleasing him with my mouth, swirling my tongue at all the right places and taking him in as deep as I could while swallowing. He moaned as the movement of my throat stroked his nerves.

Him:

"You like to suck?"

The Voice In My Head:

Hell yeah I like to suck. It's been 3 months since I went down on a guy. What else are we gonna do here in the room if I don't at least show the guy what I meant by fun without going all the way?

Me:

"Er... I'm okay with it."

The blowjob went on for about 15 minutes while he pulled me up for intermittent kisses in between. After a couple more enjoyable moans from him, I started to lose my tempo and my jaw was exhausted.

He pulled me up to lie with him and things just took an awkward pause. I took the opportunity to lie on his chest, soaking up his scent, his body and his charm. The closeness turned me on exponentially, but there was still no response from his end.

Me:

"Anything you wanna do to me?"

Him:
"I don't like to suck."

Me:

"Oh that's okay. Have you ever tried bottoming?"

Him:

"Just once a long time ago." 

Me:

"Didn't it hurt? Considering you never really bottomed. How did you do it?"

Him:

"Yeah it hurt. That's why I never do it again." 
"I'm a top. I like to fuck, I like to play with guy's asses and stuff."

Me:
"Yes I understand."

Him:
"We don't have to do anything today. After all that talking and spending time together, it feels really nice. I don't know what to call it, but it feels... I don't know, I don't have the words for it. I'm really glad to have met you. What about you? What do you think?"

The Voice In My Head:
That's nice. Wait, is he telling the truth? Don't fall for it!

Me:
"Yeah I'm really happy to have met you too. But it's okay. You don't have to feel like you need to say those things to me. We're good."

Him: [smile]
"You would feel insecure if I told you I like you?"

Me:
"A little bit. But you know, it's mostly because I'm fond of you too and I didn't expect a meeting arranged through Grindr to turn out the way we are now. I can't quite put my finger on it but... yeah I enjoyed myself and the time we spent together."

I continue to lie on him, inhaling his scent as I ran my fingers around his stubble. God, this feels wonderful. I looked at him and a million questions darted through my mind. I can't help but wonder if he was truly contented with us just lying there. What is this guy really thinking?

The Voice In My Head:
Come on. Let's give it a try. You won't find your answers just by lying around. There's an attractive guy here who wants to fuck. You might not get another opportunity like this again.

Me:

"You know what, let's try it out. Let's go all the way."

Him:

"Really? You want me to?"

Me:

"Yeah let's do that."

T got up, walked over to his backpack and retrieved a packet of condom and some lube. I sat with my head lifted, admiring his naked muscles that were flexing throughout the time he walked and bent over. "Thank heavens for him", I mouthed to the ceiling. He came back to bed, and installed himself on top of me in the folded deck chair position, like he was going to do push ups. It was hot.

He bent down and planted a kiss on my lips. I cast my look up into his eyes. "Do you like this?", he asked. "Yeah", I replied. He started to move his hips, rubbing his tool on my back entrance. His repeated body movement and the brush of his penis on my crevice was extremely erotic.

I was ready to take whatever it is he was going to give me like a man. But for some reason he gave up and said: "I'm sorry. I can't do this. You are not ready and you are too stiff. There is no flow. If we were to fuck. I would hurt you. It would completely change our relationship and what we have here."

I think I inadvertently turned him off with all the talking. I was deeply frustrated with myself. Another failed sex date for me. The worse part is that I couldn't identify the problem or the solution to this whole sexual dilemma of mine. I questioned him bluntly out of frustration: "Can you be honest and tell me what is the problem? I mean what should I do? Or what am I going to do from now to make it right?"

Him:
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing. You don't have to do anything. You wait. You will meet a guy or a boyfriend someday, you will fall in love and you will learn to trust and be comfortable. It will come."

Me:
"What about the other bottoms you meet. What do they usually do that gets you going?"

Him:
"Most bottoms I meet are usually very horny. Maybe you're not. They want me to fuck them hard. But some of them over do it that it becomes an absolute turn off for me. They would yell and beg and moan like we're in gay porn. Like this..."

I giggled as he physically thrust our bodies hard, moaning and reenacting a common gay porn scene on top of me. Oh God, I love it. It was funny, spontaneous, filled with charm and role play. It was definitely one of the reasons why I was even more infatuated with him.

Him:
"And with guys I meet, I usually don't wait that long. I would skip the whole coffee part and then we come here, we fuck and then you go. But with you, I enjoyed our coffee talk and we were having such a good time that I didn't know what to do." 

Me:
"So what exactly were you thinking when we met?"

Him:
"I was thinking that I am physically attracted to him, I want to fuck him soon, but then he is also different and interesting. So what am I going to do now?"

Me:
"I've never heard it put that way before but thank you."

After lying there for a couple more minutes, he suggested that we get cleaned up and head out together for some beer. But I really don't feel like leaving before getting the final chance to climax with him right next to me. For it is the closeness that I feel with this guy that really gets me off.

Unfortunately he wasn't keen. So I had to finish myself off alone in the bathroom as I cleaned up. As we were ready to walk out the door, I pulled him to me and kissed him lightly once again. I didn't know why I did that. Probably it's because I wanted to thank him politely, and also because I had a feeling I might never get the chance to do it again once we're in public.

We went back to the first café by the riverside and chatted over two bottles of beer. We talked about a lot of interesting topics, all except for what happened in the bedroom. There were moments where I wanted to ask, but he seemed uncomfortable in talking about it. I had to let it go without ever getting my answer.

He revealed over some food that I was indeed his fifth 'friend du jour' ever since he arrived in my hometown. Knowing that my prior instincts were true and validated, I suddenly didn't feel so unique any more. Maybe what he said and everything he expressed before was a complete lie to make me feel better. 

After dinner, I asked if he wanted me to leave him on his own or if he wanted to hang out more. To my surprise, he asked me to join him for some more beer at a local hang out spot.

We hung out with each other for another comfortable 5 hours, talking and just sitting around with each other on the old town pavement. T was so cute and I could sense that he was going to become my missed opportunity, or already is.

Gradually, more and more travellers and locals were turning up to this place for cheap beer. Suddenly, the masculine British guy who ignored me from the beginning of this post, walked into the place with another local guy who behaved quite effeminately. T recognised them both from Grindr too.

Here comes the awkward moment. Due to the place being packed, the guy from London and his local friend came to occupy the two vacant chairs that were adjacent to me and T. Everybody reached out and shook each other's hands, but you could feel that it was a handshake that didn't matter.

The vibe was very tense because firstly, all four gay guys have seen each other from Grindr. And secondly, T had a falling out with the local guy a couple of days ago and I was ignored by the masculine guy from London. He was hot, and every bit as attractive in flesh as he was in his thumbnail. 

I was anticipating some sort of friendly exchange now that we're seated together in public, but to my surprise, he didn't even bother talking to me or T. Hey, I thought we gay frat brothers are suppose to stick together?

After another hour or so, T and I started to feel tired and we left. It was the moment I dreaded ever since we sat down together because we were going our separate ways. I was going home the next day and he has other plans to travel. However, he will be flying off in a week's time from my city. I told him to call me when he's town and hope he doesn't stand me up.

At the crossroad of an empty quiet street, we embraced and I hugged him like he wasn't going to call me again. I hated it. But I was also certain that I hold no power over reality and people. I took a long and quiet walk home alone, replaying every single scene that happened to me that day with T at the forefront of my thoughts.