Do Your Part in Protecting Yourself

I was watching a television segment where an audience member asked the life coach of that particular show the following question.

The Girl:

"I just wanna know how do I become settled with when someone whom I really cared about betrayed me. How do I find the peace that I need to really forgive and move on, I... "

Life Coach
"Is it an important relationship to you?"

The Girl:
"Yes."

Life Coach:
"Okay. Have you shared fully and completely with the person, how you feel, as a result of this experience?"

The Girl: [nods head]

Life Coach:
"And they're response was?"

The Girl: [shakes head in tears]
"It was incomplete. It was just incomplete and so... I just wanna find the peace in my heart to just really move on with forgiveness in my heart."

Life Coach:
"No you don't, that's where you want to ultimately get to, but that ain't what you want right now. Right now you want to know why. Would that be accurate?"

The Girl: [nods head]

Life Coach:
"Tell the truth. So you did. You wanna know why, and I wanna support you. What did you learn?"

The Girl:
"I've learnt that everything in a relationships doesn't go perfect."

Life Coach: [smiling]
"Yes. Good and what else?" 
"Did you have clear agreements with this person? Or did you assume that they knew what you needed, wanted, would do, could do?"
"Did you have clear agreements with this person?"

The Girl: [silent]

Life Coach:
"That would be a no. Did you have solid boundaries that kept you protected and honoured?"

The Girl: [shakes head in tears]

Life Coach:
"No. And your boundaries are wishy-washy, flexible? You know you let stuff slip and slide, slipperation and slipin. Okay."

Girl: [a moment of smile in the middle of tears]

Life Coach:
"Tell me what's happening?" 
"I just had a little shift there what happened?"

The Girl: [back in tears]
"I'm realising that I didn't do my part in protecting myself."

Life Coach:
"And who, taught, you, that?"

Show Host:
"That's good. Who taught you that?"

The Girl: [sobbing uncontrollably without responding]

Life Coach:
"There it is! There it is. Who taught you that? It's okay."

The Girl: [sobbing]
"My Mom."

Life Coach: [walks up and embraced the girl in her arms]
"It's okay, let it go. There it is, there it is. Just let it come up. It's right there."

The girl broke down in the arms of the life coach and sobbed for a while as the camera continued to roll. After a while, she calms down.

The Girl: [sobbing]
"Thank you."

Life Coach:
"No thank you! Thank yourself for having the courage to tell your story out loud. That you have the courage to tell your story out loud. That's good taking care of you, that's good protecting you. You did good."

The Girl:
"Yes."

Show Host:
"Tell us what happened. What happened?"

Life Coach: [to the audience]
"She remembered a very young time when she had to do it by herself. And she didn't have the words to speak to betrayal, to talk about it. And it just came up within. And it came up in this experience with this friend of hers."

"And also everybody has a heart-breaking tag with mommy's name attached to it. Some little heart-breaking tag with mommy's name or daddy's name, or your sister's name or your brother's name. And because we really are all one? That struck a nerve!

Life Coach: [turns to the Girl]
"So now look at the lesson, here's your only homework, forgive your momma. You gotta go back there! Forget this friend and that'll clear up once you're clear with your momma. And I don't mean you have to go to her to forgive her, you do your work." 

The Girl: [nods head in promising smile]

Life Coach: [smiles]
"You good? You sure? Okay."