A Little Something About "Living In Fear"

Television has taught me more about life than any other forms of media I've been exposed to as a kid. I remember watching this one particular coming-out interview of a famous person a couple years back, knowing in my heart that I was doomed because I am a secret gay myself. What worsened the guilt was the fact that my mother was just sitting right next to me.

At that time, I couldn't comprehend how this famous guy could come-out. How could you tell the world your biggest secret and yet not feel humiliatingly mortified after? The concept was all very foreign to me and I remember the cold alienating silence that came with thinking to myself: "No way I would ever come out. No! It'll be chaos and the end! I'm going to have to let this bomb die with me."

I recently re-watched the same interview, however no longer the same fearful boy from the couch but rather a more courageous person in 2013, writing down thoughtful excerpts from the interview here.

Interviewer:

"One of the things you say in your memoir is that the constant bombardment of the gay question, actually pushed you further away from the truth."

He:
"Cause it was treated in a very scandalous way..." 

Interviewer:
"Yeah."

Interviewer:
"And people were mocking... my sexuality and I was like... I don't wanna be 'that'! Is 'that' me? I totally wanna reject myself and you know what, I think I hate myself."

"And that's where you go, those are the thoughts that you go. That's why I must insist, when someone is not ready, we must not try to force that person to come-out. Right now we're dealing with people that are being bullied, because they are gay and now we're dealing with people that are committing suicide, because they're forced to come-out. And that is horrible."

"You're ready, whenever you're ready. You have to go through a process, you have to go through a very spiritual process in order for you to accept yourself and then..."
"And then it feels amazing when you do so!"

Interviewer: [turning the pages]

"You say such a beautiful thing in this book (memoir) about, living in fear. What did you learn from this whole process about living in fear?"

He:

"That it's all in your head."

"That... "
"If you allow your emotions of uncertainty seduce you, if you allow... people's thoughts or insecurities become part of... feed your insecurities, thats it. You just have to get rid of fear and confront the world. Look at yourself in the mirror, and say to yourself: 'I love you and nothing will destroy you and you're not gonna fall."