Playing by Somebody Else's Rules

The world is filled with all kinds of people. I've met some of them, and have definitely yet to come in contact with the remaining legions. I'm starting to realise that there is undeniable wisdom behind the following principle.

"The fastest way to succeed is to look as if you're playing by somebody else's rules, while quietly playing by your own" - Michael Konda

Do Your Part in Protecting Yourself

I was watching a television segment where an audience member asked the life coach of that particular show the following question.

The Girl:

"I just wanna know how do I become settled with when someone whom I really cared about betrayed me. How do I find the peace that I need to really forgive and move on, I... "

Life Coach
"Is it an important relationship to you?"

The Girl:
"Yes."

Life Coach:
"Okay. Have you shared fully and completely with the person, how you feel, as a result of this experience?"

The Girl: [nods head]

Life Coach:
"And they're response was?"

The Girl: [shakes head in tears]
"It was incomplete. It was just incomplete and so... I just wanna find the peace in my heart to just really move on with forgiveness in my heart."

Life Coach:
"No you don't, that's where you want to ultimately get to, but that ain't what you want right now. Right now you want to know why. Would that be accurate?"

The Girl: [nods head]

Life Coach:
"Tell the truth. So you did. You wanna know why, and I wanna support you. What did you learn?"

The Girl:
"I've learnt that everything in a relationships doesn't go perfect."

Life Coach: [smiling]
"Yes. Good and what else?" 
"Did you have clear agreements with this person? Or did you assume that they knew what you needed, wanted, would do, could do?"
"Did you have clear agreements with this person?"

The Girl: [silent]

Life Coach:
"That would be a no. Did you have solid boundaries that kept you protected and honoured?"

The Girl: [shakes head in tears]

Life Coach:
"No. And your boundaries are wishy-washy, flexible? You know you let stuff slip and slide, slipperation and slipin. Okay."

Girl: [a moment of smile in the middle of tears]

Life Coach:
"Tell me what's happening?" 
"I just had a little shift there what happened?"

The Girl: [back in tears]
"I'm realising that I didn't do my part in protecting myself."

Life Coach:
"And who, taught, you, that?"

Show Host:
"That's good. Who taught you that?"

The Girl: [sobbing uncontrollably without responding]

Life Coach:
"There it is! There it is. Who taught you that? It's okay."

The Girl: [sobbing]
"My Mom."

Life Coach: [walks up and embraced the girl in her arms]
"It's okay, let it go. There it is, there it is. Just let it come up. It's right there."

The girl broke down in the arms of the life coach and sobbed for a while as the camera continued to roll. After a while, she calms down.

The Girl: [sobbing]
"Thank you."

Life Coach:
"No thank you! Thank yourself for having the courage to tell your story out loud. That you have the courage to tell your story out loud. That's good taking care of you, that's good protecting you. You did good."

The Girl:
"Yes."

Show Host:
"Tell us what happened. What happened?"

Life Coach: [to the audience]
"She remembered a very young time when she had to do it by herself. And she didn't have the words to speak to betrayal, to talk about it. And it just came up within. And it came up in this experience with this friend of hers."

"And also everybody has a heart-breaking tag with mommy's name attached to it. Some little heart-breaking tag with mommy's name or daddy's name, or your sister's name or your brother's name. And because we really are all one? That struck a nerve!

Life Coach: [turns to the Girl]
"So now look at the lesson, here's your only homework, forgive your momma. You gotta go back there! Forget this friend and that'll clear up once you're clear with your momma. And I don't mean you have to go to her to forgive her, you do your work." 

The Girl: [nods head in promising smile]

Life Coach: [smiles]
"You good? You sure? Okay."

The Only Trouble with Resisting Temptation

"The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance" - Laurence J. Peter

Quietly Crushing on My Director

There is an unpublished entry sitting on my dashboard that was casually drafted about a month ago. It talks about my magnetic feelings of admiration and reverence for one of my bosses in his early thirties that is slowly turning into a crush. What's new right?

I decided against releasing it because firstly I thought: "Okay, how many more of these unrequited crushes can I have?" Like that senior from university, the dream guy from Québec, or my high school class president. And secondly, I didn't want to write about something that might pass and become insignificant in due time. 

So the brief story regarding my boss is that he and I share the same Myers-Brigg Type Indicator (MBTI). What are the odds considering my type is hypothesised to exist in only 1% of the world's population? My admiration for him started when he first interviewed me for my current position and I left the office a couple of hours later, thinking that I've never connected with an interviewer like this before.

My heightened interest in him grew exponentially as I got better acquainted with the great personality and oceanic mind he possesses. I can't help but wonder if our types are psychically drawn to each other. I have a very strong feeling that he likes me too, but not that way because he is straight, a firm Christian and has a girlfriend. Damn, they always are!

Physically, he is not what I've ever envisioned myself to want as a boyfriend. But by being him, he makes my heart flutter in nervousness whenever I'm around him. He is very smart, nice-looking, popular, confident and sensibly mature.

Whenever he and I have conversations, I find myself learning a lot from his leadership. And staring at his lips and stubble! If we were two souls who are not bounded by the limits of gender, universal order or whatever, I think there might be great potential for genuine attachment and romantic regard to happen. 

My fantasies of him so far are mostly never outright sexual. It revolves a lot around us being in the presence of one another, going out to dinner, cuddling up together, or even driving up to a secluded scenic hilltop where we would kiss for the first time.

Throughout the initial weeks, I used to love talking to him. Then came a point where people started getting suspicious of my behaviour because I might have gone a little too far with my loquacity without realising. But then again, colleagues from the current office are of the petty, immature type, and you really can't let that kind of narrow-mindedness win.

At the expense of wanting to protect me, I slowly distance myself from him to let things die down and deter suspicion. This went on for a while and gradually, the crush I had for him slowly dissipated, but came back after a few weeks when I needed to work directly with him again.

There are times like today, where a discussion with him would engender an ultimate feeling of inferiority and inadequacy about myself. I am intimidated by his success and at the same time, emotionally affected by this little crush I'm having. Can he see right through me? Does he think I have what it takes to be as successful as him? Does he think I'm naive or unintelligent? Mercurial?

Anyway, it's already the eleventh paragraph as opposed to the original five I've allowed myself. So I'm just gonna put a cap on my tangential emotions and try to go to bed.

My Apologies for the Delayed Replies and No Replies

Hi. I would just like to inform guys who have written to me recently or within the past year that I'm sorry if I failed to formulate an updated reply or have missed out on getting back to you. My mailbox is slowly growing with numerous emails coming in and I personally haven't been managing my time well enough to keep up with the capacity. But be rest assured that I will try my best to gradually back track and do something about it.

However, if it's been a while since you sent me something and you'd like to hear from me soon, you can drop me a quick message and I will dive back into it as soon as I can. Thank you and my sincere apologies!