Prejudice Of Any Kind Implies

"Prejudice of any kind implies that you are identified with the thinking mind. It means you don't see the other human being anymore, but only your own concept of that human being. To reduce the aliveness of another human being to a concept is already a form of violence." - Eckhart Tolle

When Your Dream Isn't Manifesting As Dreamt

Interviewer:

"What do you say to someone who’s trying so hard to live their dream and yet nothing has happened, and then they say: 'Should I give up?' "

"What do you tell them?"

Spiritual Teacher:

"Well if you’re living your dream, what are you looking for? See people try to look for their dream or find their purpose, when the truth is, you have to do what you do, and allow the purpose to unfold. Don’t go after the person, go after what brings you joy, doing what you love, being present moment by moment, and everything else will unfold."

"When people say: 'I’m living my dream but nothing’s happening', they’re not telling the truth. They have an attachment to a particular outcome, and therefore, that’s what they’re going for, but they’re not telling the truth about it."

"And I have to say that, forgiveness is such a powerful tool. And those people that aren't living their dream, or when their dream isn't manifesting in the way they want it to, I guarantee you they have somebody to forgive. And it's such an easy thing, it’s such a powerful thing, but so difficult. 

"So forgive everybody. For everything."

Mail: The Tormented Guy Who Feels Left Out

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Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards" - Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855)

What Kind Of A Chess Piece Are You In Life?

My younger brother and I were in the car yesterday. In the middle of a traffic congestion, I told him a story. There is a plane of existence known as the Chessboard. Nobody could understand how it was created, why it exists and how certain rules or arrangements came to be as such, but that's just the way it is.

On the Chessboard, there are two very distinct inhabitants known as the black and the white. And both communities of monochromatic colours are made up of 16 distinct citizens, each with its own common role, prestige, capabilities and identity. They consist of one king, one queen, two rooks, two knights, two bishops, and eight pawns.

The chess pieces in its physical form might represent a certain level within a hierarchy, but for every one of them, lies a spirit that is present with its own way of thinking, it's own heart and its own characteristics.

No one knows why or how it came to be, but their way of life and raison d'être is to obliterate the opposing community as a team in service to one another. The Chessboard is therefore said to be at its most balanced and peaceful when citizens of both sides remain stationary within the last two chequered rows at opposing ends.

Whenever the communities of both parties are in a battle known as a game of Chess, their ultimate goal is to trap the opponent's king so that it may not escape. The official term is also known as checkmate. 

The king is the most important piece. According to the system that has been set based upon the hierarchy, all chess pieces serve their king. However, how the kings of each community rose to prominence, or to their current state of elitism is unknown. They could have been born into the role, or risen through a certain process to become the leader that he is.

The destiny and fate of each chess piece, along with the triumph and fall of both communities are decided by an 'external force' known as the universe. Some pieces might be aware of that, and some might not. In fact, each piece on the Chessboard may have the right to their personal ideas with regard to how they view themselves and their roles.

In this particular story of a game of Chess, there is a determined black pawn who's main compassionate goal is to secure the survival of as many of his team members rather than the conventionally targeted goal. For together, they make up the community and the brotherhood he comes from. And with that, his ultimate purpose carries a great deal of good that is oriented towards the well-being of his peers 

This fictionalised pawn is aware of the fact that despite him originating from the lowest rank of the communal hierarchy, his act of service on the Chessboard and within the game of Chess actually stretches beyond the mere goal of assisting his team mates in checkmating the opposing king in solidification of their own. 

He realises that by fulfilling the role and purpose of his existence, he is in fact 'part of a piece' that make up a grand design where the universe will run its course. And through him, he is determined to be used as a vessel 'in service' to the well-being of his community. He is a medium and a channel for which the 'external force' will be able to channel its course to the Chessboard, whatever the destiny or outcome might be.

He's saying to the universe that even as a pawn, he is definitely 'worthy' of being a part of a bigger plan that is for the betterment of his pieces. It doesn't matter if his team mates will give him the due recognition for his thinking, or if the societal system on the Chessboard has a limit as to the way things are done, but he will continue to live and believe in his own personal brand. And his personal brand carries a heavy dose of compassion, goodness and loyalty that will affect the lives of other chess pieces.

There are times when the black pawn in the interests of others, wishes it could play the role of a knight, a rook or a queen. For then he would possess the more powerful reach of these pieces on the Chessboard and not be limited to the move of only a single square. The dream position would then empower him with more effective resources to accelerate his compassionate cause and better implement the survival of his peers and his community.

The black king on the same existence plane however, is a spiritual coward being born into the elite role. Due to the innate privileges that were given by birth right, he never went through challenges in life, and doesn't understand the concept of what it feels like to be a servant of another. He never had to learn how to be considerate of others because it is not in his nature as king.

As a result, his social standing on the Chessboard and self-conjured ego became a priority over the well-being of his other chess pieces. Without the hierarchical support those who are lower, he will not be of significance. Hence, regardless if his heart is pure or egocentric, the king needs to constantly reaffirm his close supporters such as his bishops and his knights in order to remain socially significant.

The knights on the other hand, are one of the most well known pieces on the Chessboard. Revered for its elegance, L-shape moves, and the privilege of leaping over other pieces, the knight's physical appeal, role and capabilities are very unique. They too never have to deal with being viewed as a lesser entity by their king or other inhabitants on the existence plane. 

Within the same game of Chess, one of the black knight's ambitious goal is to kill the white queen for the sole purpose of looking good in front of his king and his peers. The black pawn and the egocentric black knight might still, through their roles, fulfil the act of service to their communities on the Chessboard. However, the mission-driven energy that is emanating from each one of them into the universe is completely different. One for the compassionate survival of his peers, and the other for the shallow purpose of his ego.

As the game progresses to its final stages, the black knight did fulfil his goal of capturing the white queen and was heavily lauded by the king and his community for his achievement. Suddenly, in a twist of universal arrangement that the entire Chessboard didn't see coming, the knight's fame and achievement was short-lived as he was vanquished by the opponent's rook.

The black pawn however, who constantly kept the bigger picture in mind of his role as 'a vessel in service' throughout the entire game for the well-being of the black, unexpectedly made it across the entire battle field to reach the eight rank. As a result, the black pawn is effectively being promoted to a black queen for the pure-hearted spirit within of wanting to bring a sense of betterment to her community through her role and existence.

What happened there was that the universe picked up on the mindful energy that was being released by each individual pieces on the Chessboard and bringing their desires to fruition via a certain law. However with regard to the real purpose, genuineness, and meaningful intentions behind those desires, they certainly do affect how the universe will decide your fate and how to give you what you want.

"So in the end, which team won? The white or the black?", asked my brother.

Me:
"Well, let's just say that at this point, it doesn't matter. But I think the more important question you should be contemplating is, what kind of a chess piece are you in life?

The black knight who wants the white queen in exchange for unexpected short-lived fame? The egocentric king who's mere existence was because he happened to be born into the prominent role without contributing much significance to his community? Or the newly promoted queen who was rewarded by the universe for previously serving the successful role of a pawn that crossed the Chessboard in the name of service to the well-being and betterment of his community?"

Life in the Body of a Human Being

A couple of days ago, I came across a very nice saying that went something like:

As soon as you die, your identity becomes a "Body". People use phrases like: "Bring the Body", "Lower the Body in the Grave", "Take the Body to the Graveyard", etc. People don't even call you by your name whom you tried to impress whole life.

Take chances... Spend money on the things you love, laugh till your stomach hurts, dance even if you are too bad at it, pose stupidly for photos, be child-like. Death is not the greatest loss in life. Loss is when life dies inside you while you are alive.

After seeing the profound message, I got to thinking about a previous post I've written titled: Am I Truly More Significant Than My Container?, which explores the same concept of how we as earthly beings are actually a form of pure energy that is being contained within a body. The body is in fact a "container" that holds our spirit, allowing it to experience life.

But when we die, the pure energy that makes us the soulful being that we are, leaves the container and moves on to another plane or form, effectively leaving behind what is now "the body". I know the whole package is definitely more complex than how I've just put it, but these are some of my mere thoughts for the journal.

A Little Something About Being Angry With God

Part of the journey that comes with growing up is understanding how the relationship between heaven and Earth works. As someone who was raised to believe in a higher power, I found myself resenting the heavens when things don't play out in a way that would give me the closure I seek.

Yesterday, I watched something life-changing about being angry with God that completely altered the way I will ever again live my life. The scene shows a life coach trying to help a widow deal with her overwhelming anger with God because she lost her husband to cancer.

Life Coach:

"Who are you angry with now?"

Widow: [silent]

"..."

Life Coach:

"Tell the truth."

Widow:

"God."

Life Coach:

"Absolutely..." 

"Powerful awareness?"

Widow:

"Yes."

Life Coach:

"Powerful courageous acknowledgement?"

Widow:

"Yes."

Life Coach:

"Many of us are angry with God." 

"And we think because we don't say it, God doesn't know it."

Widow:

"I know he knows."

Life Coach:

"You know, God knows you're angry and he really is just waiting for you to admit it to yourself. And you're angry with God because...?"

Widow:

"I thought He was going to let him live."

Life Coach:

"He is living! Just not the way you thought it would be..."

Widow:

"Okay, keep him here with me."

Life Coach:

"So you're angry with God because God didn't do what you wanted God to do."

Widow:

"Yes."

Life Coach: [turns to the crowded workshop audience]

"Is she alone? Raise your hand! Let me see your hand! I am angry with God because God didn't do it the way I wanted it to be done."

[Hands raised]

Life Coach: [back to the widow]
"And how were you trying to communicate to God what it is you wanted God to do?"

Widow: [tears up]

"Daily prayer."

Life Coach:

"Prayer..." 

"Now you know prayer is not your bargaining chip with God. You see a lot of us go off like that." 

"Prayer is the way we align our mind with divine mind. Prayer is the way that we commune with the God within and align that with divine mind." 

"But we started using spiritual tools to do human things."

Widow:

"Yes."

Life Coach:

"And then when we don't get what we want, we get pissed off with God. Yeah."

"Where did you make up... in your mind that God was supposed to do God the way you want God to do God?" 

"Where did you get that from?"

Widow:

"In my mind, if I did everything that I thought I was supposed to do, which is from prayer to staying at his side, never leaving..."

Life Coach:

"You made up a story about what you were supposed to do and then held God hostage to that. You get that? Is it working for you?"

Widow: [tears and smiles]

"No."

Life Coach:

"Okay. Are you willing to try something else?"

Widow:

"Yes."

Life Coach:

"So here's what I wanna offer you my beloved. You have made this about your husband. Your love for him. You love him he loved you... So here's what I wanna offer you."

Widow:

"Okay."

Life Coach:
"You said that... you loved your husband for the last 8 years of his life and you know that God sent you to love him, chose you to love him and take him out! Is that accurate?"

"I wanna offer you... Suppose God sent your husband to you, to show you the depth of love you are capable of. Suppose this ain't about what you did for your husband, but what about what your Husband did for you."

"Because your husband didn't bring in the love, the love was already there! What your husband did was give you an opportunity to experience and express the depth of love you are capable of. And you keep making it about outside, when what I wanna offer you is all going on on the inside."

God Doesn't Give You the People You Want

"God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person you were meant to be." - Unknown

Is it Fair to "Cure" Homosexuality?

I've previously mentioned that even though I don't come from a Christian background, I am not somebody who isn't open to other belief systems apart from my own. Mom recently opened up to her ex-professional mentor about her children because it's been a while since they shared a meeting. Her mentor is a very strong Christian and as part of his exchange with Mom, he voiced out as a matter of fact about his concern on how homosexuality is not innate, but rather the belief of his teachings that it's the work of external spirits to have affected one's journey in life.

While having lunch, Mom told me everything she and her mentor shared. Particularly about the sacrament of Deliverance in which can only be administered if one truly believes that the cleansing of oneself will work by committing yourself entirely to Jesus Christ. I remained silent throughout listening because all I could think of was how I'm already halfway through accepting this part of myself that has been plaguing me for life. And now I have, for the lack of a better sentence, been given something as such to consider.

She: [observing]

"What's going through your mind? You seem so quiet."

Me:

"Nothing, I'm just... " 

"Well okay. Why are you telling me this all of a sudden today?"

She:

"Oh no. I'm just merely sharing the conversation I had with him yesterday. I don't mean anything. You're an adult, I can't tell you what or how to think."

Me: [silent]

Me:

"Okay before I speak out. Let's ask brother what he thinks." 

Me: [turning to my brother]

"What do you think? I'd like to have your input on this."

Brother:

"If you ask me what I think, I think that... ever since you came out to us last year, plunged into depression and everything, I actually think it's not that simple. Because, I saw what you really went through and I think this whole gay thing, is not something as simple as how the mentor just put it to be. It's very much more complicated than that!"

Me:

"I actually would like to know what you think Mom. You've been sharing everything but you didn't mention anything about your thoughts or how you feel about this. So what are your honest thoughts? Don't worry about my thinking because be rest assured that I am a stubborn person who has a mind of my own."

She:

"I just thought that maybe there might be no harm in giving it (Deliverance) a try. Being a mother who witnessed the pain and everything that you've put yourself through for being different, it hurts all of us. So as an eternal care-taker, you must understand me as somebody who will never give up on hope and the possibility of making things right." 

Brother:

"But look Mom, if it really is the work of 'spirits' as how they say it is, then M wouldn't have still been himself all this while! You wouldn't still be you if you know what I mean."

Me: [laughs]

"Wow that's a very logical argument. I certainly didn't think of it from that aspect."

She:

"Don't get me wrong. I am not asking you to 'do something'. I just think that maybe it wouldn't hurt to try it out. The worse that could happen is that things will still remain the same, although at least we could say that we've tried something." 

"But in any case, this sacrament would require you to fully embrace and accept Jesus Christ. We can't go ahead if you don't believe in it. He said that you gotta believe in it in order for it to work."

Brother:

"But look, if he tries it out, and it doesn't work, he's gonna feel even worse about this whole thing. He's going to feel horrible about putting himself through this again. It's actually not fair."

Me:

"Okay. Wanna know what I think?" 

"I feel kinda sad because... yesterday I remember thinking in consolation to myself in that I'm getting better at accepting things for what they are, and what has come to be that I am. But now, with you telling me these things a day after I felt a moment of peace? It feels like such a mean game from the upper level world."

"And I certainly don't believe in heating up conversations for the sake of it, but my burning question to you is uhm... What makes you think that I will now allow Christianity to solve a problem I've been praying to for years that OUR higher power cannot solve?" 

"Are we saying now, that what we've held sacred for so long throughout the past, is not divine enough?"

She:
"Yes, I did think about it in a way that you've just so accurately verbalised cause it makes sense. But then, I am also an exhausted soul who's loyal faith in recent years, have been shaken up that I start doubting the sacred figure that has been with me throughout life. I too am just human, trying to consider other options of finding solace. Maybe something will work out?"

Me:

"Then how come straight people don't have to be 'exorcised or cleansed off' these so called external spirits?"

She:

"Because they're normal! They don't have to! There's nothing wrong with being straight."

Me:
"Ah-hah! There!"

Although externally I was calm, but at that point my heart torqued so hard in tears beyond recognition on the inside because it was an unfair statement that came from somebody who has walked with me through my struggle.

Me:
"How can you say that? They're normal, they don't have to, there's nothing wrong with them. If you must go with that kind of thinking then I really have no realistic grounds on which to argue any more because people will never get it."

She: [thinking]

Me:
"Sometimes it's so weird to think that despite religion claiming to command the highest divine power in the world, but yet when it comes to real world issues and earth grounding problems such as homosexuality, they can't seem to solve it." 

"And so, it is at moments like these that I question the legitimacy of spiritual beliefs that are in existence today. I'm at a point in life whereby if you put me in shark infested waters, I just wouldn't know who or which God to call out to." 

"For the past 20 years, I've lived my life believing in a higher power. And that... if my heart is pure, I will be seen and will go on to triumph life in my own way. But now, everything around me just seems to be happening in a way to show me that real life is really not how our upbringing, our religion, our beliefs and our moralities seem to romanticise it to be."

"So therefore at this moment, I'll have to say that what we're hearing today does kinda sound ridiculous."

Brother:
"I think the same."

Me:

"Because I am real! What I go through in life and perceive in this human form is real. And so, for somebody who is living in the reality of the shoes, the circumstances and the experience that came with being different, I really can't help but truly wonder at this point, if it is genuinely so easy for the priest, pastor or whomever that is not burdened with this problem, to say Deliverance is, homosexuality is, people should or people is... "

"Because like I've said so many times before and will say it again, outsiders never have to know what it feels like to carry this with them through life. They go to sleep tonight, and will never have to wake up to a tomorrow that contradicts them." 

Am I Truly Much More Significant Than My Container?

For as long as I can remember ever since my days of waiting around after school, I would come across reflective surfaces of myself and contemplate a million thoughts. It's a personal moment that I have come to live one too many times. There's no secret about my struggles with low-self esteem along with the ability to make peace with the way I look. 

The year is now 2013 and I would look at my reflection, realising however that I'm no longer my 17 year old self, but someone already halfway through his twenties, supposedly one's prime decade. "Shucks! Is this me? This is how I've looked and will continue to exude for life. Nothing is going to happen and nothing is going to change. That whole thinking-you-were-going-to-grow-into-something-you've-been-anticipating, just isn't going to materialise. Maybe you are not meant to live the destiny you thought you hoped you would. So, acceptance?"

As I pay more attention to checking out handsome guys, there were many times when it sunk in that there's really nothing I could do about myself. As I sigh in front of my reflection in the gents, my eyes would study my eyes, my face, my nose, my cheek, my hair and my body. Everything that I am. So this is it. What am I going to do about it?

And at the frontier of acceptance, I think I have now grown to tell myself: "You know what M, it could have been worse. It could, have been, worse." So where do we go from here? How can I get past this mental blockage in myself to look at the bigger picture of what will define me and my life? 

I remember coming across a television program in which a discussion panel brought up the subject of how we really all are just energy. Quantum physics suggest that life as it is, everything that we are and everything around us is energy. One of the principles of energy is that energy can never be created, never be destroyed, can only transmute from one form to another.

If earthly beings are just a huge ball of energy contained in a temporary form, then the body that we're in is the container that holds pure energy. The energy that is our spirit that seeks to express itself through us, to become more aware of oneself. And what controls the interdependent flow and exchange of energy is manifested in the form of speech, thought, movement, emotions etc.

When we die, this energy of ours, the spirit will be released in order for it to move on or transmute to another form, leaving the body as a mere physical container. I can't help but wonder if human beings are actually powerful forms of energy contained in different types of bottles. Coloured bottles, black bottles, exquisite bottles, dilapidated bottles, bottles without caps, bottles with dents, each however containing a spiritual being or energy of varying types and degrees.

I had a thought. Strip energy out of its containing medium and what's left is just pure energy that is us. And at the end of the day, the energy itself and the potential that it carries is what truly matters, hence the common saying of rising above superficiality. Once we realised that as true energy, we are actually not limited by our containers and are in fact bigger than what holds us, the possibilities of who we will become in life are now concretely endless. Therefore, the importance of remembering yourself as a spiritual being can separate oneself from the rest of the society.

So as someone who is not meant to find fulfilment in the container that I am in, how can I use myself as this pure energy, the spiritual being that is writing this and make up who I am, to live this life on Earth? I'm guessing that that might possibly be the closure I've been searching for and also the bigger picture that would give meaning to my life.

Mail: If God Exist, Are Gay Guys Going to Hell?

I've always wanted to do a post about religion and homosexuality because I remember the guilt and pain I used to put myself through for being sandwiched contradictorily between my sexual orientation and my faith. The idea of a gay guy being a Christian, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist or a Jew sounds kind of backwards. How is that even possible? But the truth is, like many, I am sure they exist. 

Recently, I received an email from a 16 year old guy containing the following sentence in which I think might help some people out there.

His Email:

My whole family is Christian and the specific church I belong to says it's wrong to be gay. Do you believe in God? I am not sure if I do... But if he exists are we going to hell?

#  #  #

My Reply to Him:

I remember a scene from a movie, where a Southeast Asian medicine man once said: "Not too much God, not too much selfish. Otherwise, life too crazy." I find this saying very wise because in life, it is very important to have a balance in all things.

Although I'm not a Christian, but I do believe in God due to my upbringing from a multi-religious country. I also personally believe in the philosophical teachings and existence of other higher powers from a multitude of religions that oversee us.

As humans, we're all brought up to be God-fearing beings. Therefore sometimes, being too deep in that state of mind can cloud our own judgement and ability to think logically for ourselves as human beings. Trust me, I've been there. I previously couldn't even pray or walk into a shrine without feeling ashamed of how I even have the audacity to be a "religious gay". Because being gay in itself is already wrong, and a sin.

Firstly, before you think God is going to punish us all for being gay, you must first ask yourself this question: "Was there an age or a point in your life where you were 'being offered' the option of 'choosing' whether you want to be sexually attracted to 'men' or sexually attracted to 'women'?" If your answer is no, then it is definitely NOT your fault for feeling whatever it is that you're feeling.

Sexual orientation is something beyond our control. We didn't play a part in choosing it at birth, just like our nationality, our skin colour, our face and our status in life. Because if we did, everybody would have chosen to be born in a perfect world where everybody is physically beautiful, intelligent, charismatic, attractive, wealthy, and straight. Think about it, why would one choose to be gay? Or why would one choose to "want to be gay" in an already-problem-filled world?

It depends also on one's definition and parameters as to what "being gay" means. I spent years, coming up with reasons as to what makes me gay and what makes me not. Kind of like in denial but also telling me to stop kidding myself.

For me, I finally identified with being gay because I am a guy who is sexually attracted to other guys. The sexual part was the "wake-up bullet" that made me think: "Okay, fucking shit I'm gay. Really gay. And I can't control it. Why is this happening to me?" 

As guys, we are being brought up to be naturally attracted to girls, which is what the rest of the world is, the majority as we call it. But when an unlucky guy like me strikes the unasked lottery of being attracted to the same sex, I am perceived to be a level lower than others who are not a defect.

The reason why being gay is so unacceptable, is because the vast majority of people in this world are not gay and never have to worry about the burden that comes with being one. So when somebody is not in a crisis, they will never understand. Simply because they don't have to, it's just not their problem. And that my friend, is the painful reality of the world that we live in.

Listen, I am no attorney or religious expert, neither am I here to decry religion. But from a logical point of view as a human being, here's what I think. If God truly is the compassionate creator of all things, why would he create and let gay men exist within men in general just so that He can specifically send gay men to hell? 

It just doesn't make sense. Think about it. Because if that is the case then God himself is being discriminatory on his part, and it would be unfair to the rest of us who "didn't get a choice" in "choosing to be normal" or straight like the rest of the world.

As gay guys, we are already having a tough time on Earth. So if God decides to punish us further for "being gay" so to speak in the afterlife, then He is being unreasonable because He created this biological body and mind of ours, along with the blood flowing in our veins.

Therefore, my best advice to you is: "Have faith. Have faith in yourself and most importantly, have more faith in God than God has of Himself." That is if you consider Him and religion in itself to be a central part to your life.

And I honestly understand the pressurised nature and lack of freedom that comes with being 16. There are churches and religious establishments that will accept you for who you are because they believe in the compassion the higher power grants all living beings regardless of sexual orientation. So until you are in the position to make independent choices for yourself, you will have to be patient and tolerant. Don't beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself and let everything work out the way it's meant to work out, because it will, in time.

The African Impala Story

Here's one of the most beautiful stories that I came across a while ago. I have since kept it at heart because it speaks great volume in regard to fear and our comfort zone.

"The African Impala can jump to a height of over 10 feet and cover a distance of greater than 30 feet. Yet these magnificent creatures can be kept in an enclosure in any zoo with a 3 foot wall. The animals will not jump if they cannot see where their feet will land."

"Faith, is the ability to trust what we cannot see. And with faith, we are freed from the flimsy enclosures of life that only fear allows to entrap us."